The night felt cold and the moon was full, I could hear the wind howling from miles away. As I look out of my window, I could see a set of headlights climbing the long twisted road up to my family’s home. My initial thought was that it was my older sister Kyla but then as I look deeper I see a second set, I roll back over in an attempt to get more sleep but then a few moments later I heard the screech of the front door and then the familiar boom of my father’s voice,
“Meg, Timmy come down here, he yelled to ensure that we herd him. Ah, kids this is an old trainee of your mothers from the CIA, Jason he will be helping us move.
Move what can he mean move? This is my home, this is Timmy’s home. I grew up here I am not planning to leave anytime soon. I can tell the shocked expression stayed with me because the next thing I knew Jason was shaking my hand.
“Anyway, as your Dad was saying, you would be moving, so hop to it pack a bag 1 jacket no more clothes bring photos, journals, video games.
Tommy left first he was so fast I thought he would trip on the stairs, I mean he’s only seven so he probably thought it was some kind of game, grand adventure, I left not long after my little brother, it was about 11:15 when we were final ready to leave I just had one more thing to grab. On my way, back down I heard whisper coming from a kitchen.
“Jason are you sure this is the right thing to do, I mean she’s almost 18 doesn’t she have a right to know what her futures going to be like?”
She does but I mean you saw what happen to gen do you really want the same fate for Meg? You do not have to agree with me but as her guardian, it is my job to do what is in all of yours best interest.
No, no of course not but…thud! All of a sudden, my eyes were closed, it was pitch black and my head was throbbing. I must have had another episode because the next thing I knew I was waking up in the back of Jason’s car to the smell of frizzes and milkshakes.
“Morning princess you gave us quite the fright last night.”
Where is dad and tommy? I ask nervously.
“There in the other car a few blocks ahead of us, you are welcome to call them if would like too.”
About 8 hours later, I felt warm hands touching my skin lifting me up and out of the car then placing me on a soft UN sprung mattress. I awoke later that evening to someone shoving a burger in my face saying eat! Which after a couple bite I fell back asleep.
I must have been in dreamland because the next thing I remember I was sitting across from my mother when a cocked figure with golden eyes suddenly appeared behind her and then with a single flash of silver she was gripping her neck struggling to breathe; blood started seeping through her fingerers. I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out instead I wake up tov Jason standing over me eyes wide open as if he’d seen a ghost. He came and sat on the end of my bed.
“How are you feeling this morning princess? Are you still up for shopping today?”
Umm I feel much better thank you. I think so I will just need to get ready and grab some food.
We sit there in silence for the next few minutes just staring in to each other’s eyes, Jason was only 24 months older than I was so the feeling that I am feeling would not be bad or anything like that. He slowly leans in, his hand brushing my hair behind my ear before resting on my check. My eyes close as I feel his lips press up against mine; the kisses become more passionate and intense he slowly moves to my neck as my arm slip around his back I begin to fall back down in to a lying position, it becomes clear we both want this. We stay like that for just a few more minutes and as much as I do not want to stop, I have to force myself to push him away.
Jason please we cannot I whimper quietly.
“But why not I mean there’s only 2 years difference in our ages.”
He looks at me first sadly but them his look changes to more understanding and compassionate I can see right through him. He clearly knows how I feel and feels the same way. Which I do not know why but makes me shiver, and break out in goose bumps. In all honesty if there were no fear of being caught by my dad I would keep going. He climbs up and out of my bed leaving my room so I could get changed for the day of shopping ahead. I walk over to my wardrobe and pull out the only half decent outfit I can find I white button up shirt, green tie, white stockings, and a black mini skirt and to top it all off I found my favourite green jacket. I figured it was the perfect out fit to wear for a day in the town it was cute, exposing but also settle, and elegant.as I go down the stairs I catch a glimpse of Jason’s dusty blond hair. I can feel my face heating up as I go red. Breakfast only took 30 – 45 min, which meant that Jason and I were out of there a lot sooner than expected his car was a blue 1977 Hillman with white trims. The town was small but also nice it was unique in its own little way. The shops were generally small but there was one larger one in city centre. It was almost a case of shop until I drop, and in all honesty, I almost did when we were in target I nearly collapsed from dehydration. For dinner that night Jason took me to a tiny bar, you would not know it was there unless you knew it. There was live music and dancing we bought a few drinks, by the time we were ready to leave I more than a little tipsy.
When we got home I was so exhausted, that Jason basically had to carry me up the stairs he tucked me into bed but before he could leave I said in the softest words possible.
“Jason… Jason wait… please… Jason can you please stay? Just for tonight? I really… really need you too please Jason.
He walked around to the other side of my bed took off his singlet and sweat pants before climbing in under the sheets. Later that night I must have rolled over because when I woke the next morning my head was on his bare chest while my arm was over his stomach. His hands wrapped around me. I turn my head slightly to the left to look at my alarm clock; it was 4:37am. I slid out from Jason’s grip as carefully as I could in order not to wake him. The hard wood floors were cold against my bare feet when I made it to the bathroom I turned the hot water on and undressed before slipping into the shower I tied my hair into a messy bun. Now with my full head under the running water I could feel droplets falling down my back breaking my icy skin. I stood there for another 13 minutes before stepping out into the steamy air. The door rattled slightly before the nob turned and opened. It was a shadow or at least that is what I thought until I saw the golden specs in his eyes. I screamed out in pain, not physical pain, and mental pain. It was the same-clocked figure from my dream the other night. I screamed again but louder much louder so that dad or Jason might hear me. However, they did not. I yelled again this time louder than before. The next thing I knew Jason was bursting through the bathroom door. He shoved a golden dagger right into its sternum. The shadow turned to ash and he rushed over to me dad close behind him they crowed around me.
Jason dad said it is time we tell her! Don’t you think so?
“Yes…it is defiantly time”
Dad took me to the living room threw a blanket over me. Jason then brought out a hot pot of peach tea, my personal favourite.
“Meg… there’s something we need to tell you. You are not just like tommy, your dad or me, you are the key…. The key to hells gates. It is not something that you can chose or that you can get rid of it is who you are and whom you will always be.
O…o…ok I stuttered.
Jason is what your people call a guardian their purpose in life is to serve and protect the keys to hells gates until they turn 18 and their full powers and skills finally come into play. Jason’s family has been protecting your mother’s side for generations.
“He’s right I have been watching over you and your mother ever since my father died 10 years ago.”
We continued to talk until lunch and then I went back to my room with a headache so that I can process my new life.
The next morning I woke to the sound of my phones alarm. I continued to lie in my bed for the next 10 min or so to make sure I was fully awake before packing my bag and heading off to school. By the time I managed to get downstairs, Jason and tommy were already waiting for me with a travel mug of fresh hot coffee.
“Are you now my shofar as well as y loyal protector?” I asked with a hint of a smile across my face.
He giggled and a slither of a smile appeared on his face.
“No I’m going to be attending school with you for the rest of senior year. Just to make sure that you stay safe until you learn to control your abilities and they fully settle in.”
After we dropped tommy off to sweet water primary, the car became filled with the most awkward silence, due to what happened the other night.
“So what are we?” Jason asked nervously.
It was the first time I had ever heard him be nervous ever.
I stutter in reply. I...I…I do not know…what do you want us to be. I mean I am happy just being friends. I am also ok with us being more than friends.
“I was hoping that maybe we could be more than friends like together more than friends”
I looked at him with a smile; I could feel my face going red. Sure, I replied.
Once we got to school, we found the closest parking space we could to the main building. On the walk up to administration, I could feel Jason getting closer to me the next thing I knew he hand was around mine and people were staring. It felt weird being the new kid at a new school having a new boyfriend who every girl is going to want by the end of the day.
First period was a little annoying as the school had put Jason and me in different classes. So I was lonely really, lonely. I do not know why but I remember becoming extremely light headed, dizzy but then I must have blacked because the next thing I know I am back in the office with Jason holding me in his arms, repeating the word.
“Come on Meg, come one you can pull through this, come on open your eyes look at me Megan”
I tried to speak but no sound came out, I think it was 15 min latter that I finally managed to open my eyes. I when I did the sight I saw was just the worst it was Jason with golden sects in his eyes does that mean that he’s one of hell’s demon sent here to destroy me so that the gates of hell will open. Good you are awake…. Now we can have a little chat on the way back to class. I do not know why but I started to freak especially when he took me down the back hallway that none goes down. I had no training no idea what do all I could think of was to run but it was a dead end which meant there was not point. I went deep into my thoughts trying hardest to activate my powers. The next thing I knew there was a scream beside me. I open my eyes and it was one of the kids from my first class with one of the silver dagger like Jason’s.
Y…you…you… I stuttered… you are a guardian I said.
“Yes I am and you’re a key to hells gates. My names Daniel. You are?”
Oh, sorry my name is Megan O’Hare’s.
“Wait your Gen O’Hare’s second daughter… your mother was one of the greatest keys to hells gate warriors I had ever met.”
“Megan? Megan? Are you down here? Step away from her do you hear me.”
“Relax Jason it’s just me”
“Daniel? OMG is that really you it has been forever how you are how is mum and Lilly are they ok?
Are here in sweet water too?”
“There all good Jason so am I. and yes they are in sweet water they are actually living next door to Megan’s family.”
The two boys started talking and it stayed that way all afternoon. They were practically incapable. Especially since Jason was moved into Dan’s class and mine after my episode. The next few days were the same wake up have breakfast with tommy and dad go next door to the boys drop tommy at school go to school ourselves pick tommy up and come home.
End of chapter
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Hi EM8650,
I'm here with a review. I liked the concept of your story. It's a very interesting one. The characters seem fun as well. The one major problem that I have with this is that the story is very rushed. You are jumping between scenes and is really confusing. I would recommend if you wish as well to divide this story into a phew different chapters and you write it in more detail. The plot and idea are very interesting is actually a shame that it's so rushed. I also feel like the romance between Meg and Jason is developing too quickly. I have absolutely no experience or knowledge on this topic but compared to other stories that I read I feel like you could slow it down and add some elements that will make it more complicated/interesting. I hope I didn't offend you in any way by saying this.
As for grammar mistakes, the major one is the lack of quotation marks. I know somebody already told you this but I feel like is something important. It's confusing fo the reader to not be able to make the difference between dialogue and narration.
I can't wait where does the story go from here. I hope you have a great day and that my review helped you,
MoonIris.
Hello there, and Happy Review Day! I hope you're having a wonderful day or night!
This story has a very interesting concept. I'm very curious to know what a "Key's" powers are, whether there can be multiple at a time, or just one, and other such questions. Which is good, it keeps your readers guessing.
However, I have a few suggestions to improve your story.
Firstly, your story jumps around a lot. For example, very early on, when her Father calls her downstairs, she is suddenly out of her bed and in the living room. I actually still struggle with this myself, however, one way to make transitions smoother is to make sure your readers always know where a character is. Add a sentence or two about Meg rushing downstairs, or have her call back to her Dad, before rolling out of bed, and trudging into the living room.
Also, something I noticed throughout the story is the lack of quotation marks. I was often confused about who was speaking, if they were speaking, etc. etc.
It also really threw me off when she kissed Jason. Didn't she just meet him? I remember her Father introducing them, so I think so.
One last thing, the pacing of this story is a tad all over the place. Meg accepts everything so quickly, it leaves my head spinning, you could work on that.
However, despite everything I just said, you have a really fascinating concept here. You do need to clean your writing up a little bit, but there is a lot of things you could do with this! I look forward to seeing more from you!
Keep writing, and have a Happy Review Day!
Thanks for the feedback.
I would like to mention that I originally wrote this around 2 years ago.