I agree with the others. connan is to young. there is no size comparison for the dragon. what is the motivation for the hunters to hate the dragons? overall though it was great pm me if you add another chapter plz.
Prologue
Nine-year-old hunter Conan shuddered in the cold autumn night and pulled his leather jacket tighter, breathing steam. Tall pines towered over him, swaying slightly in the bitter wind.He hated to be out in the middle of the forest in the dark of night, especially to do this. But his master had been merciless, demanding he fulfill his duty as a hunter or die as a disgrace. He sighed. if that happened, his father would be devastated. he couldn't do that to him.
The young boy nervously ran a hand through his platinum-blond hair and glanced at the full moon with pastel blue eyes. What if it never came? what if the senior hunters were wrong and it never appeared? He anxiously clung to that thought, even though he knew it was a futile hope.
don't linger on such foolish thoughts, boy, his masters voice intruded his mind. it will come.
Conan stamped his feet to keep the blood flowing, causing the open iron cuffs he held to jangle ominously and glitter in the pearly light of the moon. He uncomfortably averted his eyes from the broad orb, still wishing that the hunters were wrong about one appearing tonight. The iron knife that was tucked into his boot slowly chilled his ankle, despite the woolen socks he wore. The blade was only if the beast got out of control; Conan desperately hoped he wouldn't have to use it.
It's coming your way, his master informed gruffly. longing for the will to sever the connection and push him out of his mind, Conan guiltily retreated to the edge of the clearing, his back to the moon.
The small hunter felt a shadow pass across his back.
He whirled around, eyes wide and searching, heart pounding. there was nothing there. he backed away, head darting, searching for the source of the shadow.
WHOOSH!! a gust of wind brushed his back.
Terrified, the boy spun around, whipping the blade out and and searching frantically.
Then, a dark figure glided over the pines with poise in his direction.
the beast should be landing in your position soon, his master declared, an edge of eager anticipation in his thoughts. it doesn't have a chance of escaping us now!
Conan barely heard him. he stared in wonder as the creature hovered elegantly over the clearing then landed with a precision cats would envy. The boy gaped in awe. in front of him was the creature he was trained to hunt--the dragon.
Her silver scales rippled like liquid in the moonlight, seeming delicate over corded muscles and sinews. Her head arched imperiously over the trembling boy and gazed at him with one almond shaped, royal blue eye. Tossing her head, she folded her wings proudly; the thin, almost transparent membrane seemed to be made of clouds, with soft, swirling designs that seemed so easily broken, so fragile. Yet from his training, Conan knew the only thing that could pierce it was the iron dagger that he held in his hand.
The dragon inspected him, causing the young hunter to shiver under her intelligent gaze. there was clear disapproval in her deep, deep eyes. She slowly shook her head, side to side, just like any other human who was showing censure.
Conan swallowed. and edged back.
don't be a coward! his master snapped. Now! do it now!
Conan slowly crept forward, the chains raised. The dragon shook her head again, her eyes sorrowful. why didn't she run? Why didn't she stop him? she was incredible, powerful! couldn't she simply kill him and and get away? what was it that prevented her from doing so? he halted uncertainly, lowering the deadly iron for a moment.
what are you waiting for? Now's your chance! do it, boy, before it's too late!
The dragon watched him, her eyes soft and sad. watching him, watching...
Fool! Fool! we didn't spend an entire month tracking the beast down for you to wreck it all now!
Conan took a deep, shuddering breath--and dropped both chains and dagger. they clattered to the ground, the sound shattering the night. the dragon blinked in surprise.
His master was shrieking now. What are you doing?
The young hunter didn't answer.
Fool! idiot! Mindless boy! i could have you killed for this!
Conan stepped forward, tentatively stroking the dragon on her muzzle. she snorted in surprise, causing him to jump back. The dragon shook her head again, but not in disapproval. she was assuring him, confirming that she had no intentions of harming him.
Conan licked his lips and gently ran his hand down the smooth, silver scales that flowed down her neck, feeling the pent-up power beneath.
"Conan," he breathed. "my name is Conan."
the dragon slowly blinked. "Sss-sss-Sel-eth-ra," she whispered back. Conan nodded, understanding how difficult it must be to get the human words past her long, narrow tongue and thick beak.
his master screamed in anguish. Traitor! he cried. Traitor! you could've been a great hunter, just like your father! and yet, you turn against your own, instead with this...this...this beast!
The boy screamed and fell to his knees as his master enveloped his young, fragile mind in darkness and pain, crushing him, killing him.
Traitor! Deserter! Backstabber!
Conan desperately fought back, but his attempts were feeble, powerless against the force and strength of the trained hunter.
I was a fool to take you in as an apprentice! your father claimed you could do it, that you were strong enough to to do this! Lies! Lies! I will not let you pull me down in disgrace! i will not let you join these monsters! i will not let you come back alive!
The ground rushed up to meet him, and he collapsed in a heap.
Traitor! Deserter! Backstabber! Traitor! Deserter! Backstabber! Traitor...
* * *
As the boy crumpled to the ground, Selethra gnashed her teeth in frustration and tore the ground with her claws, understanding the battle that went on inside the boy's mind. It never occurred to her that she could be so helpless!
expecting him to be already dead, she she snaked her head down to the boy, then reared in surprise.
he was still alive!
Barely, maybe, but he was still breathing, and a faint pulse echoed through his veins. The boy, she decided, must have a strong will to survive such a potent attack from someone so strong.
She gently turned him over, a new hope blooming. Perhaps she could save him if she got him to her clan on time.
Gently as a cat would with a kitten, she lifted him by the back of his leather jacket in her mouth, careful not to puncture his back or neck.
Conan...
Snaking her head around to her back, Selethra draped him across the base of her neck, close enough to her shoulders, yet far enough away so she could still fly easily. She made sure he wouldn't impale himself on one of her spines if he shifted.
Conan...
She nuzzled him gently, wishing she were able to get into his mind and drive out the terrible force that was torturing him so. and maybe attack the hunter herself if possible.
Conan...
She smiled sadly and took off into the night, careful not to jar the fragile child. she glided whenever she could.
Conan...Friend of the dragons, friend of the dragons, friend, friend...my friend, my Conan. My Conan.
Slethora tried everything she could to get into his mind. when all attempts failed, she gave up with a sigh and soared above the pines, their bristling tips brushing her underside.
I agree with the others. connan is to young. there is no size comparison for the dragon. what is the motivation for the hunters to hate the dragons? overall though it was great pm me if you add another chapter plz.
ooooo, dragons! I instantly love it! lol!
Conan acts a little old for his age, though, and I really don't think his mentor, however crazy, is going to send a nine-year-old boy to tether a dragon. It's not really realistic.
And, instead of just sitting there shaking her head at Conan, why didn't she just shake her head, find him no problem, and fly off? however compassionate she may be, I don't think that she'd sit there to see if he'll actually try to chain her.
But yes, well done, mate! Dragons rule!
Oh, one more thing: about the Eragon thing, yes, it does remind me a little of Paolini's tirlogy, but then again, I haven't read very many boy-+-dragon books where the boy ends up hunting the dragon down. So, though it does run along the general theme of boy-+-dragon, it's unique in a way.
I liked it.
I would make sure it wasn't too much like Eragon, it reminded me little of that.
Good story but try to keep it away from going into the Eragon story line with Saphira. But any way it was a good story you should continue (I wish I continued my dragon stry, any how).
Yes, cliched boy-and-dragon story, but your style looks like you're good enough to get away with it! 
Proof-read this, make sure you put capital letters in their proper place and add requisite punctuation, and DON'T give up on this! It has promise, and I want to know what happens next! 
-ShadowTwit
Everyone likes a cliched story lol
I like how you described Conan. Already it marks him different than normal humans.
And I see you still can't find a good name for your dragon. I couldn't come up with any when you first asked me, but now that I know a little about her, I came up with some ideas.
I'll pm them to you. I know how paranoid you are, and i think you'd find some way to delete it if i gave you all of my names right here for everyone to see.
(So you finally found out who i was lol it took you long enough!)
I really enjoyed the story it has a strong flow with good ideas. I believe the prolouge is meant to ensnare the reader and set a
foundation for the story.
Also to comment on blackwings critic, 
about Conan being to young. Thats fine you portrayed Slethora as young too.
Young dragon for young boy.
I have to agree with the others dragons are cliche. (and i luv them) so its
important for your world to be unique.
Ok - I didn't see your age. This is good for your age, my writing was atrocious when I was 13 (and bits of it still is). Dragon stories are considered cliches but, if you want to write dragon stories then do so - write away and return with fresh ideas etc. in order to make your story a unique cliche. (If that makes sense).
Prokaryote - I never praised Eragon, I just said it was immensely popular so now when ever anyone picks up a dragon story they say "Oh, this is like Eragon" and slam the book shut.
Hello 
.
‘and pulled his leathre jacket tighter’
- ‘leathre’ = ‘leather’.
‘Tall pines towered over him, swaying slightly in the bitter wind.He hated to be out in the middle of the forest in the dark of night, especially to do this. But his master had been merciless, demanding he fulfill his duty as a hunter or die as a disgrace. He sighed. if that happened, his father would be devastated. he couldn't do that to him.’’
- Need space after full-stop/period in first sentence.
- ‘fulfill’ = ‘fulfil’.
- ‘if’ = ‘If’.
- ‘he’ = ‘He’.
You are missing capital letters at other points throughout the story too. Remember to proof-read your story before posting, so that you catch little mistakes such as these. I’ll leave it up to you to find them .
‘As the boy curmpled to the ground,’
- ‘curmpled’ = ‘crumpled’.
‘tore the ground with ehr claws,’
- ‘ehr’ = ‘her’.
‘The boy, she decided, must have a strong will to survive such a potent attack from someone so strong.’
- Repetition of ‘strong’ makes the word redundant. Try to replace one of them with a different word,
‘close enough ot her shoulders’
- ‘ot’ - ‘to’.
‘She made sure he would impale himself on one of her spines if he shifted.’
- Don’t you mean ‘wouldn’t’?
And although it is true that dragon stories are rather cliched nowdays... who honestly cares? You're 13 - if we were to rewind time back five years and look at my writing when I was your age, it was all set in the Warhammer world (making it fan-fiction). This story has more origionality in it than mine did at your age.
No, I'd say your main weakness here seems to be that you haven't proof read. Proof reading is vital. This is full of silly grammar mistakes and typos: you have forgotten to capitalise the beginings of sentances almost as many times as you remembered. And these really detract from the story. Go back over it and fix all the little errors you have made (I've given you some of them above).
Your description of Conan made me cringe a bit. You described his hair and eyes and pretty much nothing else. And why his eyes? They're not really an important part of how a person looks. I don't know the eye colour of petty much everyone I know. Only describe the eyes if they're important to the story and/or character in some way.
The story is well written and flows well (although the description of Conan breaks the flow a bit). Conan's master has a distinct personality and speech pattern. So yeah, this is a pretty good begining. It needs proof reading to clean up the small errors, and a few revisions to really polish the writing style, but you certainly have something here to work with .
Keep on writing .
Phorcys wrote:No, story line is way too cliche. Eragon has taken the dragon line by storm and no one can get a novel in edgeways with it.
No, story line is way too cliche. Eragon has taken the dragon line by storm and no one can get a novel in edgeways with it.
Here are my problems with this story:
1. Dragons. Boy. Dragons in a generic fantasy world. It's been done. Look at Dragonriders of Pern, Eragon (I don't endorse this book), etc. It's definitely tired. Unfortunately the only way to rid the prologue and the rest of your story of this cliché is a complete rewrite, which I'm doubtful you'll consider. Luckily, if the rest of your story is interesting and original enough, you can overcome this hinderance.
2. Conan? Conan the Barbarian?
3. Grammar and spelling. I'm not going to point out everything, but it's something you should definitely work on.
With a little bit of polish, I think this could be good. However, I still don't like the main theme.
i like it alot their were a few spelling errors, reread it and you will see them. I just have a few questions
-Isn't Conan a little young to be taking on a dragon at nine?
-how can his master get into his head? Is his master magical or something?
-Did his master attempt to kill him and fail or did his master just leave him to die?
-What's with the dragon haters? If the dragons were portrayed as vicious that would be one story but yet you portrayed them as smart majestic beasts.
-How big are these dragons? She sounds like she is a little small. like the size of a lion.
Well keep writng I like this story
*/Blackwings angel\*
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