Why is it so hard to answer this single question? It's not like I'm in a test where there are a billion questions, it's just a single question. The thing is though, there is never one single answer. Your answer always changes. And when you give people the same answer, they get suspicious.
"Emma, wake up", my mom said as she pulled the blankets off the bed. "It's already 7:27 young lady, if you don't hurry up, your going to miss the bus."
Fuck, I have school. The thing I despise the most in the whole world.
"If you miss the bus, I'm not going to drive you to school, you have to get out of bed!", my mother says as she pulls me off my bed.
"Fine!", I say, followed with a sigh. "Mom, I really don't want to go to school after what happened. I'm not ready yet. I'm not mentally prepared to go back, I'll just keep thinking of what happened."
"Sweetie, what happened wasn't your fault. You didn't push her to do it.", my mom said as she sat down on the bed next to me. She grabbed my waist and hugged me tight, but she gasped suddenly.
"Mom, are you okay?", I asked as I saw a tear in her eye forming.
"Yes, I'm okay sweetie. I just remembered something, but I'm okay.", she said as I laid my head on her shoulder.
We sat like that for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only ten minutes.
"If you haven't realized", my mother said and chuckled a little, "I'm letting you stay home. But you do have to go back to school. I will call your principle and tell him that you are going tomorrow."
"Thanks mom", I said and kissed her gently on the cheek. "I appreciate it".
"Hey, give Callie a call, I bet she's missing you.", my mom said as she was exiting the door, but stopped to here my response.
"I'll call her at lunch mom!", and with that, my mom walked away.
Shit, now I have to call Callie. I haven't talked to Callie since the incident happened, mainly cause she blames it on me. I haven't seen her since that day. I ran outside onto the grassy front, when she ran after me.
"Emma", she said with a disgusted tone. "You fucking did this shit, you fucking pushed. Great fucking job Emma!", she yelled.
"Callie, I have no idea what the hell your talking about. Chill out. Who are you even talking about?", I replied after Callie's outburst.
"I'll tell you what happened", Callie said, and that day was the beginning to my fucked up life.
It's 12 on the dot, and the guilt of my mom is lingering around me. I give in and I grab my phone off of my white nightstand. I go to contacts and I find the one under "Callie <3". I look at last text message conversation and its all about Janes crush on Danny Fitz. Wow, weren't those simpler days. Fuck it, I'm going to call her. I go back to the contact screen and press her name. I press the call button and it starts ringing. After four beeps, and lots of fidgeting, someone on the other line picks up. Callie's voice was very soft but superior as she said, "Hello?".
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Sorry it is so short! I wanted to leave it with room for interpretation. Please give feed-back, it will be very much appreciated!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello,
Don't apologize about your chapter length, chapters are the length they are and there is nothing you can do about it, plus I like shorter chapters better. This chapter is a wonderful starter/teaser for a story. You already have the reader wondering what the hell happened and why Callie is so mad at Emma.
Alright now for some hopefully helpful advise. Stay in the same tense. You will use the past tense and then go to the present. This is shown when you have conversation between your characters, in order to keep the same tense, use either 'say' or 'said' as well as when use 'ing' or 'ed' after verbs. I like the flash back and it is needed, however it is a little confusing for the reader to tell what is going on know and what has already happened. A way to help this would be to make it more of Emma recalling the events that happened with Callie.
I hope this helps!
Happy Writing!
-M.
Hey, decided I would like to review this.
Corrections:
they get suspicious.
I believe that become suspicious would sound better here. Perhaps because get is less used in writing.
"Emma, wake up",
In dialogue, the punctuation is never on the outside. As long as you remember that you will be fine dialogue wise.
It's already 7:27 young lady, if you don't hurry up, your going to miss the bus."
Maybe this would flow better if it was divided? Also, *you're or you are. Perhaps... "It is already 7:27 young lady. If you don't hurry up, you are going to miss the bus."
Fuck, I have school. The thing I despise the most in the whole world.
Hey, that's what I think daily. Nice addition.
We sat like that for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only ten minutes.
*it was only ten minutes
here my
*hear
I replied after Callie's outburst.
I think this addition to the dialogue is a bit unnecessary since we know she is talking back. That is just me though.
at last
*at the last
Observations
~
You didn't push her to do it."
When I saw this line, I immediately thought suicide.
Anyways, I would like to see how it comes along. Sounds interesting.