Published September 18, 2012
I'm waiting on a letter.
From my best friend Paul.
It's been a long year
SInce i've seen him at all.
I sent him a letter five days ago
Perhaps, his letter will be long and wise
Though, he may be busy fighting bad guys
I'm starting to wonder if I said something wrong
Because Paul hasn't written in so very long
I miss my old friend, I really do.
I hope that he writes me a letter back soon
Paul, I am worried
So i'm sending a note
It's been a whole week
and not a peep from your soul
I turned on the news
To see who was winning
What I saw was horrific
And very bone chilling
Our men are dying
It's getting real bad...
hopeless children..
they're losing uncles and dads.
Theres a car out front...
I peeped through the window
There are two men with peppered hair.
heads down, walking up the porch stairs.
Before the said a thing...
I started to cry...
Vietnam got you..
It was a matter of time.
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140,909 Literary Works • 673,726 Reviews
Hello
I kind of expected the ending from the TV part, you can feel it.
I don't do poems but I just had to read this one.
It was beautiful and simple. I loved the rhyming. It made the poem click together and flow like any poem should.
There are absolutely no mistakes. I don't know what to even review.
All in all: I loved the feeling of the poem. It was emotional, yet written so simply. Even the most generic writing is so emotional. Right in the feels.
I really liked this. It was so sad.
Good job! No, Great job!
Nike
It also reminded me of Skins avatar... wan't he named Paul? lol random, I know.
aw man. at first i was thinking "hey this reminds me of my best friend." untill you talked about turning on the tv. i suddenly expected the end. i had this sense of dread for you, since i thought you were s till innocent to the fact. it was so sad. but sad stories are good as they show the human side of a writer. verse two didnt really ssem to rhyme to well in the last 2 lines but over all it was great
keep writing! <3
I really like the innocence of this poem. It has a certain naivety to it, that makes me feel like this was written from the perspective of a child. It also was supporting my theory when there were spelling/typing errors, such as the lowercase letter "i" in the fourth stanza. Normally, I would correct and point out typing mistakes, but in this case I happen to think it gives the poem a sweet sort of honesty that it would lack without these mistakes.
All around, well done, and PLEASE keep writing!!
It is Beautifully written!
I was in the 'short story' section and came upon your work. Curious. Is it a poem, lyrics or narrative?
Whatever it is, I liked it. It is a moving piece about quite a full-on subject.
The only things I would point out, is one,
Theres a car out front...
*There's
Two,
Before the said a thing...
*They?
And also, I found that this line:
I'm starting to wonder if I said something wrong
Didn't quite 'fit in' to the heavy 'adult-like' mourning. I felt this line to be childish and misfitting. However, it is your work.
I look forward to reading more, hope this helped!
NightWriter x
This reaches out to me, mainly because I respect the soldiers of Vietnam. I would like to point out that you might want to try checking your capitalization. Also at the the end you used the word the where you probably wanted the word they. Other than that this was a great piece.