Young Writers Society

Locked at the request of the author.

Hi Dustfinger!

"Malountic Teelious Panactos!"

My heart picked up its pace

I. NITPICKS

My heart picked up its pace as I pushed and squeezed through the crowd. My [I don’t like the repetition of beginning two sentences of “my”] mind became even more alert as I detected the faint loudspeaker which had just announced the boarding of the flight I was to embark[s],[/s] [take out the comma here] upon the vessel Lanapoluceek. The rough fabric of the common milbouk [Erm, what?] clothes I had stolen rasped [rasped isn’t a good word to use here] my forehead raw as I pulled the hood down even further upon my face. The sun was peeking shyly behind its blanket of clouds, illuminating the royal city, Licoto. And I cannot even see my Chiouso!(family) "Hohawg! [This makes no sense]" I staggered in the swift movement of my running. [Space here] My heart! It felt like it was lit on fire! I pushed the thought of my family away in the deepest and darkest corner of my soul, where It was almost impossible for me to see [This is just weirdly worded..]. But, as hard as I tried, I could not stop the tears.

They rolled down my face. Ugh! I’m sure those damn tears are smearing my disguise [You need a dash here]I had coated my face in mud to hide the shine that lived under my skin, as any other Heightic Milbouk.(Royal milbouk) Oh! Why tears!? Why now!? I grinded my teeth, hoping to stop the flow. It did none of that. The tears kept on spilling, water escaping through a crack in the dam [Erm, what?].

I looked over my shoulder every few steps [s],[/s] [Comma not needed] like a common fugitive. I was lost in my thoughts, How frustrating to be crying in the middle of an escape! But this time, it was not the usual faces in the crowd, but something else caught my eye, pulling me away from my frustration and locking my mind and body in terror. Behind me the crowd was thinning out in record time, all covering their nose. An icy hand crept up my back and grabbed at my neck. I knew that hand very well. It touched me every time a Qualukate or their hideous Nolsa approached [Period not needed]. and that was exactly what was happening. My feet were planted to the uneven road, and my hand reached up instinctively to the plate size [Gee…that’s pretty big…] medallion that hung at my neck.

But than again my mind had a switch to [Do you mean “switched to”?] confusion as I want sailing trough the air. Hu?!How could this be? I could not be flying for the Qualukates had burnt my wings. Maybe I do not need wings to fly! Maybe it lives in my blood! A smile crept up my lips, as I enjoyed the feeling of cutting through the air. Wait...Something isn't right.. The way I was soaring through the air sideways and the cartwheels! I [n]didn’t[/b] remember anything about cartwheels when I flew![s]!![/s] [Too many exclamation points]

"Splat!" On my cheek lay something warm and moist. Hu? I reached up with trembling fingers. Brown!?! And then my earlier assumptions were confirmed as I landed butt first into a mud puddle."Ouch!!!" Things like that always had to happen to me! I got up and [s]started sprinting[/s] [Just say “sprinted”] to the vessel ramp [I don’t think you need “ramp” and “vessel” choose one] that was now in sight. My heart fluttered. Almost there! But then curiosity held me back as to how I had come sailing to where I stood a moment ago. I turned back and found that I had to lift myself up on the tip of my toes to look over the crowd. I had not realized I had come this far! A big, no enormous[Insert comma] Milbouk stood there. No wonder! But I didn’t take anymore time than that.

I reached the retreating ramp and then I was lifted off the ground. I looked up at the person who had grabbed me, "Hashkü!!!!" He glanced down and smiled briefly before his eyebrows creased into a concentrating frown. I looked back to where I had been a few seconds ago. And then I saw THEM....…[Italicize them rather than putting it in caps and tall out the ellipses (…)]