z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Hope

by Dustbunny14


“What is this, huh?” Doubt asked kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again. “Do you really think you can do this?” He asked “Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?”

You know, I’d always thought hell was a place somewhere far away, but right now I was surrounded by demons. Fear, Doubt, Despair, and Anger… Maybe it wasn’t as far away as I thought. There were others of course, other demons who kept me company, but tonight they were the ones to haunt me.

Doubt was looking down at me expectantly, waiting for an answer I couldn’t give. Could I do it? Could I achieve the dreams I’d always thought and talked about? Right now it seemed like that’s exactly what they were. Dreams. Nothing more than idea that wouldn’t make it past an old coffee stained notebook.

“I think he’s afraid.” Fear said with a chuckle, he seemed to be enjoying my suffering, he always enjoyed it. “He’s worried about failing, most people in his position are,” he continued pacing in circles around me. “He wants to know what happens if he fails? Should he have a backup plan? Where will he be if things don’t pan out the way he thought they would…?”

“So many questions,” Despair chimed in “Seems a little… overwhelming doesn’t it? Heh… So overwhelming in fact you might as well just give up and, I don’t know… Go to college for something you don’t wanna do, seems to be the trend these days.”

“No…” I said looking up at them I didn’t want to give up.

“Shut up!” Anger yelled kicking me in the side making me yelp, “Just stop! You can’t do it! You can’t do it! YOU CAN’T DO IT!” He kicked me with every “I can’t”

I told myself that enough, I didn’t need to hear it from him. Tears started to blur my vision, my head lowered, my forehead resting on the ground. I lay there weeping. There I was again, in that same old position.

Who was I kidding? Me? Become a writer…? HA! There I was thinking Fear acted crazy. They were right… All of them… I thought back on all the times I’d written stories as a kid, handing the scribbles to my parents. All those times people had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d always say, “I wanna be a writer.”

I thought about how lucky I’d been, I didn’t have to go anywhere and find out who I was because I knew… I’d always known exactly who I was. I was a writer.

“No you aren’t…” Doubt said reading my thoughts “Just cause you like to write stories doesn’t make you a published author, have you ever actually read a published book before? What on earth makes you think you can go out and compete with the greats?”

“But…” I muttered sobbing into the ground. Why were they always so right?!

“You can’t do it…” Doubt smiled.

“You can’t do it.” Said Despair.

“You can’t do it!” Said Fear.

“YOU CAN”T DO IT!” Anger roared.

“You can.”

For just a moment, everything was silent and tranquil.

“You can do it.” Said the mysterious voice again. I raised my head up slowly, blinking away the tears. There sitting in front of me was somebody I’d never seen before. He was different from the others, he seemed… Nice. He was smiling but it wasn’t an evil smile it was kind.

“Who…who are you?” I whispered.

“My name is Hope.”

“I’ve never seen you before…” I said, looking him over, he gave me another kind smile.

“Maybe you didn’t see me, but I was always here. After all, if you had completely given up neither of us would be here right now.”

I stared at him, confused by his words. He must have noticed because he stood up and then held out his hand.

“Let me show you.” He said, I looked at his hand, it was right there but… I’d been on the ground for so long, beaten by my demons, it’d been so long. Did I even know how to stand?

“Come on, take my hand, and get up.” Hope said, his smile kind but his voice now firm. He wasn’t going to just let me lay there. So I reached up, and grabbed his hand.

Slowly, I was pulled up, strength I didn’t know I had flowing through me. I’d forgotten what it was like to stand…

That’s when I realized the ground wasn’t ground at all.

“Do you see now?” Hope asked gesturing all around. I nodded slowly, I was standing on the pages of a massive book. On the other page, words were writing themselves, they were writing my story.

“Sometimes, all you have to do is stand,” Hope said “This is your story, and no one else’s, don’t you dare let someone else write it.” 


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107 Reviews


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Wed Dec 23, 2015 9:00 pm
XxXTheSwordsmanXxX wrote a review...



Seriously! What is with you and the heavy hitting stories about the world of us writers!? I want you to know that this isn't a criticism. This story is amazing. Every up and coming writer has had this feeling, been through this hell. Those that say they haven't are lying. Apart from a few grammatical mistakes, mainly comma placement, I don't see a thing wrong with this story. My only suggestion about this story is that it seems that Hope has a voice as loud and powerful as the demons that the main character faces.

While I admit that hope is very powerful, I always find its voice to be soft and quiet. Almost one that you have to strain to hear among the screams. As one pursues hope, its voice gets louder and stronger; but, for someone who has been through what the main character has been through I feel that it was slightly out of place. But that is a personal opinion.

This is an amazing story and I hope to seem more like it. Thanks for sharing.

Happy Writing!




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Fri Sep 18, 2015 5:03 pm
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Gravity wrote a review...



Heya, Gravity here for a review!
Can I just say that I love this story? It's one of the best I've ever written. I love how you've personified the doubts that authors -and people in general- have all the time. It was a really original idea and it spoke to me. I can really feel how personal this story is to you, like these are voices you've heard in your mind so many times before.

You do have some awkward sentences in here some commas that need to be put in... basically what I'm saying is that this needs to be polished up. But you have an amazing foundation here and I mean that, I really love it. I'll give you some examples of things you can fix so you can go back and edit.

“What is this, huh?” Doubt asked kneeling down next to where I was sprawled


There should be a comma here between asked and kneeling. Places like this.

“You can’t do it.” Said Despair.

“You can’t do it!” Said Fear.


Try to not say "Said", put something else that emphasizes how sinister and discouraging these demons are. I like how you said that Anger ROARED, not yelled, but ROARED. That was a nice touch.

I also noticed you use the dot dot dot "..." a lot. Most of the time you won't use the ellipse unless the character trails off which doesn't happen very much here, so try changing these to commas or periods.

I’d been on the ground for so long, beaten by my demons, it’d been so long.


Here you repeat "so long" which makes the sentence kinda awkward to read.

It's silly little mistakes like this that you could read over and fix or maybe have a friend look at it and make changes for a fresh perspective. Anyway, I really love this story, please keep writing, this was great. And you definitely could be a writer if you tried, I absolutely believe that.

XOXO,
Gravity




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Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:48 pm
tigeraye wrote a review...



“What is this, huh?” Doubt asked kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again. “Do you really think you can do this?” He asked “Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?”


My first thought here is "Who names their kid doubt" (only kidding, I see what you're getting at x_x)

You know, I’d always thought hell was a place somewhere far away, but right now I was surrounded by demons.


This line has a lot of potential if it was worded differently. I don't know, I like the start of it but I think you could come up with a better way to portray someone being surrounded by demons.

“Sometimes, all you have to do is stand,” Hope said “This is your story, and no one else’s, don’t you dare let someone else write it.”


Wow, that's a fantastic line.

I don't think it's any wonder why your writing is as popular as it is. You write simple messages that are easy to relate to, but it takes pure ingenuity to portray these messages in the way that you do. The idea of being told a dream isn't do-able and rising above to make the impossible possible isn't original at all. But the way you go about telling this message by making "doubt" and "hope" actual characters is clever, witty and charming.

That said, I think this could use some polishing. The story is entertaining and powerful, but some of the dialogue is a bit...tacky.

“Shut up!” Anger yelled kicking me in the side making me yelp, “Just stop! You can’t do it! You can’t do it! YOU CAN’T DO IT!” He kicked me with every “I can’t”


This sounds really cliche to me. I think it's underestimating the roots of anger just to have the same "You can't do it" line over and over again. I think anger for a writer would stem from not being able to write down ideas (or in the modern digital age, type them onto a computer screen) into the way they want them to come out. Sometimes I'll sit down and want to write something, but the words won't be there. That angers me. "You can't do it!" relates more to doubt than anger.

“Come on, take my hand, and get up.” Hope said, his smile kind but his voice now firm.


The physical description of hope makes no sense to me, as I would think of it as an entity instead of a physical being.

Also, personally I'd swap the first and second paragraphs. I just think the line about hell and demons is a lot more powerful of a hook than the dialogue.

Overall, the portrayal of the message is unique, witty and powerful. I just think you should iron out the ideas of what each emotion represents, and the dialogue each one would say to the writer. This is great as far as an early draft would be, but as a finished product, I want to read something more fleshed.




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Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:03 am
Storygirl95 says...



Hi, Dustbunny14! This is Storygirl95 dropping by for a review!
I liked your story! It was sweet and inspirational. We never really know our own strength and capabilities until someone shows us, huh? You better now be letting anyone else write your life haha. You might not like what they do with your character.
Anyway, overall I liked it. I have a few comments though.
With the line, "What is this, huh?” Doubt asked kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again. “Do you really think you can do this?” He asked “Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?"
I would have liked it to either have been one smooth section of dialogue, like "What is this, huh?" Doubt asked, kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again, "Do you really think you can do this? Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?"
Either that or have them on separate lines. The transition seemed jarring to me. Also, I would suggest not using huh? Twice, but that's just me.
I also agree on changing "but tonight they were the ones to haunt me" to these were the ones to haunt me.
This really resonates with all of us I think because we've all been in the place with voices whispering in our ear(or kicking us) that we couldn't achieve our dream of being writers. Sometimes, I still feel this way. But it's comforting to know I'm not alone and I take solace with the fact we can face those demons. All we really need is to hope.
With the countless number of rejection stories we hear from famous authors, we need to hold onto that hope. We need to understand that writing is just a part of our soul, and that no matter what happens it always will be. Even if we never get published, the urge to write will always take hold of us late at night, early in the morning, or even at 1:30 pm on a Tuesday in the middle of a sand pit. You never know.
Sorry, I'm rambling. I loved the story as a whole and don't have any other critiques, so I guess this is farewell.
Have a great evening, and keep writing! :)




Dustbunny14 says...


Thanks so much! Hope yah enjoyed it!



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Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:03 am
Storygirl95 wrote a review...



Hi, Dustbunny14! This is Storygirl95 dropping by for a review!
I liked your story! It was sweet and inspirational. We never really know our own strength and capabilities until someone shows us, huh? You better now be letting anyone else write your life haha. You might not like what they do with your character.
Anyway, overall I liked it. I have a few comments though.
With the line, "What is this, huh?” Doubt asked kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again. “Do you really think you can do this?” He asked “Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?"
I would have liked it to either have been one smooth section of dialogue, like "What is this, huh?" Doubt asked, kneeling down next to where I was sprawled out on the ground again, "Do you really think you can do this? Come on, let’s be serious, how many people actually achieve what you’re going for huh?"
Either that or have them on separate lines. The transition seemed jarring to me. Also, I would suggest not using huh? Twice, but that's just me.
I also agree on changing "but tonight they were the ones to haunt me" to these were the ones to haunt me.
This really resonates with all of us I think because we've all been in the place with voices whispering in our ear(or kicking us) that we couldn't achieve our dream of being writers. Sometimes, I still feel this way. But it's comforting to know I'm not alone and I take solace with the fact we can face those demons. All we really need is to hope.
With the countless number of rejection stories we hear from famous authors, we need to hold onto that hope. We need to understand that writing is just a part of our soul, and that no matter what happens it always will be. Even if we never get published, the urge to write will always take hold of us late at night, early in the morning, or even at 1:30 pm on a Tuesday in the middle of a sand pit. You never know.
Sorry, I'm rambling. I loved the story as a whole and don't have any other critiques, so I guess this is farewell.
Have a great evening, and keep writing! :)




Storygirl95 says...


I don't know why this posted twice, I'm sorry.



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Thu Sep 17, 2015 7:19 am
ThePhoenix wrote a review...



SQUEAL— No wait, guys don't do that...
Uh... What do guys do? Eh, whatever.

Let me just say that I absolutely loved this. I always love stories like this. Where a person has to face their demons. It never gets old for me. Now, I'm not sure if this is based on what you've actually experienced but... Yeah, it's really good.
:D
Now onto the review.


but tonight they were the ones to haunt me.


These were the ones to haunt me. Not "they".


Fear said with a chuckle


This could just be me being annoying, but I didn't want to leave this alone.
So, do all the "demons" act like this? Kinda. I mean, obviously each one would be able to sense their respective emotion but, they all act kinda... mean... if you get my point.
I mean, Anger is angry. He shouts constantly because he's Anger and when you're angry, you shout (quite generalized but yeah).
So why doesn't Fear act... fearful? Why is he all smug like or whatever?
Same for Despair. Despair should be more... sad. His tone should reflect that. And make it so his actions actually reflect that of a depressed person.


“Shut up!” Anger yelled kicking me in the side making me yelp, “Just stop! You can’t do it! You can’t do it! YOU CAN’T DO IT!” He kicked me with every “I can’t”


This reminds me. Anger seems kinda out of place. I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible to feel all these emotions at once. It's just that, when you're doubting yourself and feeling depressed about achieving a certain goal, anger isn't exactly something you feel. If anything, depression should take over, not anger.


He was smiling but it wasn’t an evil smile it was kind.


You forgot a comma after "smile".



That's really all I got. Seriously, this was amazing. I loved it.
Uh... I don't know how else to praise you so...
HAPPY WRITING!

Bye bye!




Dustbunny14 says...


Thank you so much for reading! :)




If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"