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Young Writers Society



Intrepidity - My NaNo Novel

by Duskglimmer


Chapter 1

Monotony is strangely predictable. Even in a new town, Kynbessne found things painfully foreseeable. She expected the thunk of her boot heels against the tightly packed dirt of the streets. Turning to enter another wide avenue, she knew it would be the same as the last before she set eyes on it: a wide, empty path with tall, whitewashed buildings on either side. Alleys jutted off here and there, sinking into darkness as they were lost in the shadows of the buildings.

This time of the afternoon, things would remain the same until she reached the Market District. There, the buyers and sellers would be swarming between their stalls, hurrying to get the last purchases of the day before they were forced to return home for the night.

Kynbessne sighed, shifting her grip on her bags as she turned another corner and entered the main stream of people as they passed through the center of the city. The people talked and laughed with each other, heading back toward their residences. Kynbessne went on a little ways, hardly noticing the crowd even as they jostled her and then stopped at a street corner to glance up at the sky. The clouds were massed there, vaguely grey with promise of neither rain nor sunshine. They seemed just as bored with the day as Kynbessne herself.

She turned and stepped forward, unconsciously waiting for the thunk of her heel.

It never came and instead someone dressed in breeches and a white shirt with a violently red strip of cloth tied around their head slammed into her. Both fell to the ground in a jumble, Kynbessne’s bag flying off to the side.

“Sorry!” the stranger said, clambering to her feet and pulling Kynbessne up along with her. The other girl turned, glancing feverishly over the ground before snatching up a small package wrapped in brown paper.

Kynbessne looked at her in shock, her mind not quite caught up with the fact that she had been standing, then knocked over and was now on her feet once more.

“Very, very sorry, I promise,” the girl was continuing, thrusting Kynbessne’s bag back into her hands even as she looked back over her shoulder.

“It’s— It’s all right,” Kynbessne stammered.

The girl stopped to look at her for the first time, a slight smile on her face as she noticed her accent. “You’re not from around here.”

Kynbessne settled her skirts more properly. “No, I’m not. But—“

Before she could continue, shouting rose up somewhere behind them and the girl was grabbing Kynbessne’s hand to drag her around a corner and into a small alleyway. Once she’d been released, she tried to adjust to her eyes to the sudden gloom.

“The name’s Jennika,” the girl said, turning about slowly, focused on their surroundings. Stairs led up the outside of the building on their right to where clothing had been hung out to dry and several barrels were lined up on their left, half-full of rain water. The back of the alley was blocked off by stacks of large crates, filled with the skies only knew what. Finishing her circuit, she turned back to Kynbessne. “But most people just call me Jenny.”

Kynbessne was still standing exactly where she had been dropped, stunned. “It’s a pleasure meeting you?”

Jennika laughed. “You don’t happen to be a mage, do you?”

“Um… no.” Kynbessne shifted uneasily.

“Drat.” Jennika turned away again, snapping her fingers. “I always run over the wrong people.” She bit her lip and eyed her surroundings one more time. “I guess I’m just gonna have to do this the hard way. Take a seat. Oh, and take this.” She pressed the brown package into Kynbessne’s grasp. Without waiting for a response, she turned and got to work.

Whipping the red cloth from her head, she dipped one end into a barrel of water and used it to scrub some of the dust and dirt from her face. Within a few seconds, the grime had been cleared away, revealing lightly tanned skin and she was dashing up the stairs to pull clothes off the line. Kynbessne watched, awed, as she slipped a skirt and overdress over her own clothing and wrapped her red head band around her waist like a sash to cover the fact that both items of clothing were too large. She tied her dark hair back with a thin ribbon and leapt over the rail to land beside Kynbessne again.

“What?” Kynbessne began as Jennika turned her around so that her back was facing her. “What are you doing?”

“Just hang on a sec.” Jennika was twisting Kynbessne’s curly hair up on top of her head and moving the pins that were already there to hold it in place.

“Do you have any paint?” Jennika demanded, still separating off curls to let them fall around Kynbessne’s face.

“Paint?” Kynbessne hardly dared turn her head.

“Paint,” Jennika repeated, taking a step back to allow her to turn. “Rouge, kohl…”

“Oh,” Kynbessne set her bag on the stairs and snapped it open. “Of course.” Hesitantly, she pulled a dark wooden box out and Jennika snatched it away, opening it.

Kynbessne had taken a great deal of time that morning to do her make-up, but Jennika quickly redid it, darkening the lines around her eyes and the color on her lips. Kynbessne protested at first, but stopped as she realized that the other girl had finished and was starting on her own face, using the water in the barrels as a mirror. A moment later, she was finished and handed the box back to Kynbessne, smiling broadly.

Kynbessne swallowed, accepting it, though her eyes were still on the other girl’s face. A few minutes ago she’d been faced with a ragamuffin that looked like it had been dragged halfway across town, through every mud puddle that could be found. Now, she looked every inch of a noblewoman’s lady-in-waiting and had made Kynbessne herself look like the Lady she would be serving.

Jennika swept an elegant curtsey, a little hastily done, but performed perfectly. “My lady…” There was an impish glint in her eye. “Shall we take a stroll?”

Kynbessne didn’t reply, but allowed Jennika to take the bag from her hands and lead the way back out onto the street. Jennika linked arms with her as they walked and glanced over her shoulder once, then straightened up and forced a smile onto her face.

“Lovely day, isn’t it, my lady?” There was the trace of an accent threaded through her voice, made to mimic Kynbessne’s. She was good.

“I suppose it is,” Kynbessne replied. She started to turn and look behind them as well, but Jennika gripped her arm a little more tightly.

“Keep your eyes forward,” Jennika whispered. “Just make small talk. If luck’s with us, they’ll pass right by.”

“Who will?” Kynbessne returned. “What are you running from?”

Jennika pretended to laugh, dispelling the serious tone that had dropped around them for a moment. “My lady, that’s a strange sort of small talk.”

“And what would you have me talk about?” Kynbessne asked. She shot a look behind them before Jennika could stop them. There seemed to be nothing there, just the people that she would expect, laden down with packages as they returned home.

“My lady,” Jennika said. “You may speak of whatever you like. If you are searching for a topic, however, might I suggest a discussion on how long it would take a monkey to sail from Derend to Carak?”

Kynbessne blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

Jennika kept her eyes trained on the street ahead, though a smile was tugging at the ends of her mouth, begging to be a full-fledged grin. “I would suppose that it would depend on just what kind of ship they were sailing, and on what the chances were of them just happening to find their way from one port to another. Unless of course, you think that monkeys could be trained to read maps.”

“Trained to read maps?” Kynbessne demanded.

The other girl nodded. “Oh, yes, my lady. I’ve seen monkeys quite well trained; though it’s true, I’ve never seen them read. Perhaps that’s a challenge we can set for ourselves?”

Kynbessne tried to decide whether she should be laughing or running for her life. As it was, she simply walked on with her. “Whatever is wrong with you, it’s no small thing,” she said finally.

Jennika let the grin break out. “There’s nothin’ wrong with me that I don’t want to be wrong,” she told her, letting the accent drop away for a moment. Quickly, she slipped back into it. “Let’s go this way.”

They started to turn down a side street, heading away from the larger mass of people.

“Excuse me,” a man said from almost directly behind them.

Kynbessne jumped a little and Jennika grimaced.

“My lady,” the man continued. The two girls turned to meet him.

He was a big man, with dark hair cropped short around his head and a hefty sword slung across his back. Two daggers were stuck in his belt, though they were better hidden under the front of his knee-length coat. Behind him, two men stood, similarly armed, with their arms folded over their chests. Kynbessne looked to Jennika, but her head was tilted down in the attempt to hide her face.

“My lady,” the man closest to her said again. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but…” he glanced sharply at Jennika. “We’re lookin’ for someone and we were told that she might have been with you.”

“And… who are you looking for?” she asked, trying to keep her voice level and as innocent as possible.

“A girl, about your age, my lady. No older than seventeen.” He turned his attention back to Kynbessne and Jennika lifted her head, satisfied that he hadn’t recognized her. “She’s a dirty little thing,” he went on. “No better than a sewer rat.”

“And what do you want her for?” Kynbessne demanded. “Surely you don’t need three full-grown men like yourselves to bring down some,” she hesitated before using the words, “sewer rat.”

The man ducked his head. “She’s a thief, miss. We’re sent to retrieve an item she took, nothing more.”

Kynbessne thought about the small package that Jennika had given her, now tucked inside her bag. Who was this girl?

“Have you seen her?” the man prompted, watching her face. She looked up, starting to open her mouth and Jennika nudged her in the ribs with an elbow.

“Why yes, miss,” Jennika began, her voice even heavier with the accent then it had been before. “Wasn’t that the girl that ran into you?” She turned toward the men, her face a picture of helpfulness. “She just ran into us, then took off for the west end of town.” She gestured back the way the men had come. “She can’t have got far. It was only a few minutes ago.”

The man’s brow furrowed as he looked at her, but he nodded and turned to go, motioning for the others to follow him. They strode across the street quickly, disappearing in the twists and turns of the roads ahead.

Jennika chuckled to herself and started shedding the layers of clothing she had added to her own, letting her hair out of the ribbon and tying the sash around her head again.

“Well, thank you very much,” she said, going back to her usual voice. “I’m assuming you still have that package?”

“It’s in my bag,” Kynbessne told her.

Jennika opened the bag and fished it out, before handing the rest back to Kynbessne. “I hope I didn’t bother you too much.” She extended her hand in farewell and waited for the other girl to take it.

Kynbessne eyed her coldly. “You’re a thief. That’s stolen, isn’t it?”

Jennika slowly crossed her arms, leaning back. For a moment she looked down, and then looked back up, meeting Kynbessne’s gaze with laughter in her brown eyes.

Kynbessne ignored the look. “You’re a thief and you’re running from the magistrate’s men.”

She snorted. “They’re not the magistrate’s men. They’re thieves, too. Or at least they’re employed by a thief.” She paused, noting that Kynbessne’s expression hadn’t changed. “Don’t worry. I didn’t make you do anything that would get you in trouble with the authorities.”

“And what about with them?” Kynbessne demanded. “Do I have to worry about them breathing down my neck now?”

Jennika waved it away. “They won’t touch you. They just want this thing back and otherwise they want to keep things as quiet as possible.” She tossed the package in the air, letting it land back in her palm before she tucked it away inside her shirt. ”The less ruckus they make, they less chance they have of being caught. It’s a just game we’re all playing.”

“A game?” Kynbessne asked. “What—“ she stopped, trying to calm her own voice and Jennika smiled.

“Just a game, miss.” She spread her hands wide, innocently. “Just for fun.”

“Fun.” Kynbessne wasn’t convinced. “What is that thing anyway?”

“What?” Jennika stepped back to look at her.

“That thing you had me carry.” She pointed toward where the package rested under the other girl’s shirt. “What is it?”

Jennika shook her head and started to back away. “You don’t want to know that.”

“Yes, I do,” Kynbessne insisted.

“No.” Jennika shook her head more forcefully. “I didn’t ask you for your name, or where you were going, or how I could find you. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t know you. You’re not involved in this and you don’t want to get involved.” She shrugged. “Sorry to bother you.”

Turning, Jennika ran, slipping into a side alley and out of sight. Kynbessne hesitated, wondering whether she should be following to get more answers from her. Slowly, she turned back toward the main street. She had other things to do that day and it wouldn’t help anything to be late.


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447 Reviews


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Thu May 24, 2007 4:05 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Chapter 2


The sun was low in the sky as Kynbessne knocked on the door. She’d stopped to wash off the extra make-up that Jennika had applied and to let her hair down again. It had taken longer than she would have liked and she knew that she wasn’t exactly on time.

The house was set on a hill above the city in a row of other luxuriant homes that the town leaders rented out to visiting nobility. From the front door, you could look down over the entire town and the port that it merged with as well as a good stretch of the ocean. It was a long ways from the city, but most made the journey by carriage or horse, rather than on foot as she had just done.

Kynbessne stopped her eyes from wandering over the landscape and turned back to the door, wondering if she should knock a second time. Just as she was about to, the door swung open to reveal a housekeeper wearing a long apron over a dull blue shift.

“May I help you?” the woman asked, planting a hand on her hip tiredly.

“My name is Kynbessne Reforen. I’m here to see Lady Richelle,” Kynbessne said. She pulled a letter out of her pocket to show the maid and stopped as the woman waved it away.

“She’s been expecting you.” Opening the door wider, she ushered Kynbessne inside.

The house was decorated in gold and soft blue, with high ceilings and intricate woodworking at every opportunity. A wide staircase directly in front of her led up to the second floor while hall led past it and twin doorways opened up on either side of her. On her left was an elegant sitting room and on her right a slightly larger room opened up, furnished with grand bay windows that displayed the port below.

“This way, if you please,” the housekeeper said, starting up the stairs. Kynbessne lifted her skirts careful to avoid tripping over them as she went up the steps and followed after her. At the top of the stairs they turned to the left and headed down a long hall that ended in a set of double doors. The woman knocked and then stood back, folding her hands in front of her.

“Come in,” a woman called from the inside.

The housekeeper motioned for Kynbessne to stay where she was before slipping inside the room. There was a soft murmuring from beyond the door and then the housekeeper was back, shooing Kynbessne inside.

The room was small, modestly furnished with a long couch along one wall and two cushioned armchairs set in the far corners. A monochromatic rug was placed between them and delicate ivy had been painted around the top of the walls.

Lady Richelle sat in the chair farthest from the door, holding a book on her lap with one finger keeping her place between the pages. Her daughter, sixteen-year-old Taneya was seated on the couch, her embroidery gathered in her lap as she worked on it. Both wore simple gowns made of silk and had their blonde hair gathered at the back of their necks to fall down their backs in curls. They smiled, but after the way that Jennika had smiled it seemed distant.

Kynbessne shook the thoughts from her head and smiled back, curtseying as best she could with her bags still in her hands.

“I’m terribly sorry I’m late, your Ladyship,” she said as she straightened up again. “I was delayed in town and came just as quickly as I could.”

“It’s quite all right,” Richelle assured her and motioned for her to take a seat in the other arm chair. Taneya resumed her work, glancing up from time to time.

“I assume my letter found you promptly?” Richelle asked.

“Yes, ma’am,” Kynbessne sat down, setting her bag at the foot of the chair. “I was very happy to receive it.”

“You understand what I am asking of you then?”

Kynbessne laughed quietly to herself, nervous. “I beg your pardon, your ladyship, but I do not. You said that you would like for me to sail with you to Derend, but I confess I do not understand why.”

“You have been on the sea before?” The way Richelle spoke, it was only half a question.

“Yes, ma’am, I have,” Kynbessne told her. “My father took me with him on his trading routes once I was old enough to leave home. But, I can offer you no more guidance on the seas than any common sailor.”

“I believe you misunderstand why I asked you to come. I have already found a ship willing to carry us and interviewed its Captain and he will provide all the guidance that we require. However, we will be on the ship for some weeks and I fear that my Taneya will find little to do onboard.” Taneya lifted her head at the mention of her name, suddenly attentive to the conversation. Richelle hardly noticed her. “I wish to hire you as a traveling companion for her, to help pass the time. In return, I will pay for your trip from here to Derend and then from Derend to whatever destination we can agree upon. I understand you have reason to go to Lyardin…”

Kynbessne nodded quickly. “Yes, my lady. I have an uncle that lives there with his family. I’ve been meaning to make the trip for some time now.” She smiled. “Your offer is most generous and I would be happy to accept.”

Richelle leaned back in her chair happily. “Good. We intend to leave first thing in the morning, unless you have need to stay in town?”

“No, ma’am.” Kynbessne shook her head. “I can be ready then.”

“You’ll stay the night with us here,” Richelle said. “The housekeeper will show you to your rooms and –“

“I can do it,” Taneya cut in. She blushed and lowered her eyes at the sharp look her mother gave her. “I mean. I can show her to her rooms. And perhaps afterward we can walk down to the wharves?” There was a quiet hopefulness in the girl’s voice.

“It’s late, Taneya,” Richelle scolded. “Girls of your age do not walk the wharves at this time of night.”

“Just in the garden then,” Taneya begged, sitting forward in her seat. She looked at her mother imploringly. “Please?”

It took a few more minutes of pleading, but Richelle finally gave in, with the understanding that they would be back inside before the hour was through. Taneya thanked her and hurried to stow her embroidery. They stopped in Kynbessne’s room only long enough to drop her bags beside the bed and then Taneya dragged her down the stairs and out the backdoor.

Outside, rounded hedges had been planted along a long walkway that lead up and down the rolling hills behind the house. Flowers and other bushes had been planted along the way, releasing a sweet scent into the air. Across the way, the path crossed over a small wooden bridge covering a brook that ran down to form a pool a few yards away. The evening sun cast long shadows over the ground and played in the ripples in of the stream.

Taneya pranced over the stones, breathing in the fresh air. “They haven’t let me out of the house all day,” she laughed. “Mother was too tired and they wouldn’t let me come out by myself. I don’t know why. It’s not like they’re not watching me from the upstairs window anyway.”

Kynbessne bit back a laugh and shot a glance toward the upper story windows. Sure enough, someone stood there, watching.

Taneya grabbed her arm, linking elbows with her, and led her away down the path. “So, why are you trying to get to your uncle? Why can’t you just stay home?”

“Well,” Kynbessne tried to find the best way to put things. “My parents passed away a few years ago and…”

“You’re looking for help to run your estate?”

She blinked. Apparently Richelle had failed to mention Kynbessne’s financial situation to her daughter. Still, it was a better explanation than the truth. Her father had never been a nobleman, but a merchant with a wide range of trade, so his home had been a modest one with only a few more luxuries than others of his class. The “estate” was in shambles when it passed into her possession. Her mother had died of consumption and her father had passed away at sea while still trying to find the means to pay off the debts that had been incurred during her mother’s illness. Afterward, Kynbessne had been forced to sell everything and strike out for her nearest relative. Unfortunately, they had been hard to find and her uncle was the first she’d managed to come across. In the mean time, she was little more than a commoner with manners.

Taneya looked at her, waiting for an answer.

“Something like that,” Kynbessne whispered.

“But they allow you to travel on your own?” Taneya pressed. She laughed as Kynbessne shrugged. “I’d give anything for that! But Mother wouldn’t think it proper. She’s much to concerned with that word.” The girl wrinkled her nose. “We put so many rules on ourselves that we can’t even do anything at all. I mean, that’s what mother meant about the wharves.”

Kynbessne looked at her quizzically.

“She said that it wasn’t proper for a girl my age to go,” Taneya explained. She shook her head. “She meant that it wasn’t proper for a girl of my rank to go alone.”

Their boots hit against the planks of the bridge as they stepped onto it and stopped to look down over the city. Taneya sighed, leaning on the rail.

“It’s not like anyone is even down there,” she sighed. “We’d just be there by ourselves. All the sailors are either asleep or in the taverns by now.”

Kynbessne shook her head. “You don’t know that. They’re not exactly the most predictable of men.”

“When they’re on shore leave they are,” she countered. She looked back over her shoulder at Kynbessne. “You’re lucky. You don’t have a mother watching your every move to make sure you don’t destroy the family honor.”

Kynbessne shrugged. “I suppose you could look at it that way.”

“I’m sorry,” Taneya looked down. “But then…” Her face brightened. “You’ll have my mother breathing down your neck for the next few weeks. So either you won’t miss it for a while, or you’ll learn you don’t want to miss it.”

They both laughed.

“Come on!” Taneya grabbed her hand again, leading to the other side of the bridge. “There’s this beautiful spot I’ve got to show you.” They lifted their skirts slightly to run, Taneya glancing up toward the watcher above them and giggling harder. “We may even be able to hide there for a while and get some extra time outside.”

Kynbessne shook her head, but smiled as well.




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Thu May 24, 2007 4:00 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Wiggy - thank you. I kinda felt that the opening didn't flow right, but I couldn't tell whether it was just my over-critical side coming out or if other people would notice it too. I'll work on it.

AndNeverAgainx03 - That was rather the point of the opening line. It was supposed to be one of those ironic kind of things... apparently it didn't work for you.

Does anyone else have the same problem with the opening line?

Squallz - Thank you. Apparently, however, I need to work on getting the setting across. It's not a modern setting, it's modeled after earth somewhere in the 1700s or so. And no, it's not on Earth. As for thier personalities, let me know if you still have that problem in a couple of chapters.

M.B. Author - Yes *laughs* there will be more. This was my NaNoWriMo Novel, which means that I was challanged to write 50,000 words in a month... I greatly exceeded that number, so you can be sure that there is a great deal more.

Thank you all for your comments.




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Fri May 18, 2007 3:53 pm
M.B.Author wrote a review...



It was really good. It was a sure fire hit! (whatever that meens). I love fantasy stories, and this one was really good! I never read any of your stories, but now I will be looking for them. Keep up the good work. I cannot wait for more. Is there going to be more? Again, it was brilliant! Keep on writing.

-- M.B.Author




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Fri May 18, 2007 9:11 am
Squall wrote a review...



Nice work. One of the few stories on the fantasy forum that has ever kept my attention. Well done XD

I love how you bleneded magical elements in a modern setting to create a new dimension of fantasy. Is the setting Earth or another made up place?

Your characters are ok but could need some work in developing their personality more. Right now they seem typical city folk to me.

Keep writing ^^




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Thu May 17, 2007 9:57 pm
AndNeverAgainx3 says...



its good. but the first line doesn't make sense. monotony is obviously predictable. look up the definition. X]




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Thu May 17, 2007 4:57 pm
Wiggy says...



As usual, Dusky, brilliant. I loved the story, and you engaged me from the beginning. The opening needs a little work, as it seems to be awkwardly constructed, but keep it comin'!





The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
— Aristotle