-----This is for a poetry recital at the university, any criticism would be VERY welcome: The sooner, The better------
Who are we?
Are we the pawns of other minds,
minds that tell us how to dress- how to act- how to smile?
Who are you?
Are you a puppet in your eyes,
A puppet that tags along, by the prejudices they provide?
Who are they?
The illusions, the delusions, the orthodox presumptions-
that define the norms of how we abide.
You behave carefully, to not be labeled hyper or shy,
Religion tells you: pay no “heed to the majority”, in this while
Yet there you are, permitting the tags they classify you by.
The colour of your hair or your eyes,
The name of your nation or tribe;
The major you choose or your size-
They describe you, not define.
Who am I?
An overweight, young, girl?
A thriller movie enthusiast?
A poetry fanatic?
I am, but simply me
A name, a face and all the rest
is a patient history, a CV –
not how people should be perceived.
Who are we?
We are the compasses of our lives,
the navigators of our time-
The ones with the potentials,
to master all heights.
Like the waltzing monsoon winds,
We too are impervious to resistance-
Like the tide that washes all away,
we too can be chained down by nothing-
Like Kinder surprises,
We too, hold in us treasures waiting to be seen.
Now tell me, who are you?
What holds you back?
Why are you sitting on a backseat chair,
Watching life like a movie of others’ successes?
Heed not, the labels with which they foretell your chances
You are not grocery shelf cans,
To live by labels or brands.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Dies.
Awesomesauce.
Sorry for not giving constructive reviews, cause 'm just me like that :p
Thanku <3
ooooooooooooo...........*squeals* AWESOME!!!!!
hello, I'm bee and i love this.......i mean, this is your review.
this is so wonderful and interesting.
the first stanza says "who are we?" second, "who are you?" third, "who are they?" my point is, your use of questions to convey a point of identity is so beautiful. the way these stanzas are set up gives the poem a rigid but smooth flow.
the name of this caught my attention immediately and i was consumed in it. for a recital, it's perfect, i am sure you would be listened to very carefully but be sure to stress your words according to punctuation to pass across the feeling of this.
my best line:
"Like the waltzing monsoon winds,
We too are impervious to resistance-"
keep writing, XOXO, Bunie!
This was amazing. I really loved it. You did an outstanding job writing this. When you say, "You are not grocery shelf cans/to live by labels or brands" it reminds me of when my sister was 13 and going through an emo phase. She was like, "I'm not a can of soup, don't label me as emo." It was so annoying.
But your poem rings truer than the ramblings of a 13 year old girl. I really enjoyed it. I think it will be a million times better recited. Good luck!
Wow. Just wow. I really love what you wrote; it was so amazing and so true in so many senses of what has been written. I love how you wrote it, how you expanded your point into the different topics, and how well you write. Your writing is just impeccable. I love it.
All the best luck for the recital, this was utterly fantastic.