Flakes

Reviewlutions here to the rescue!!! Happy review day and I'm here to review your wonderful villanelle.

Ok, first of all. I have to laud you on the fact you wrote a villanelle and it actually makes sense and tells a good story. Because trust me, I've tried to write one and failed most epically. So the fact you managed this from one of my favorite songs is definitely worthy of praise.

The way I review is, I pick out all the technical things, grammar and content wise and then I give you an overall impression.

Now, first major grammatical mistake. 'My skin is just flakes.' should be, my skin are just flakes. Is, would imply only one piece of skin, but you said flakes, which....really doesn't quite give you the right impression here. So, you might want to change that.

'After every shredding, every blood of my secrets' I don't know if two every is good here. I mean I love repetition but here it just sounds repeated and it weights down your poem. So I think one would suffice.

Anyways, I won't go and ramble on instead I will point out a few main points here. Like Nargles said below. Some of your sentences are long and because it is written in a narrative way. It can sometimes fall flat, so you could shorten then and make them more concise.

Also, another is the narrative style of this villanelle. I mean you have some truly incredible imagery in there but in some other places not so much, so I wish you would use more imagery.

Overall, I really love the idea in this poem. Is unique, the image is amazing and to top it off, is a villanelle! Keep these coming, I'd love to read more!

-Laure

Hey!
You have the honour of receiving my first review.
So, what was good about this poem?
Well the repetition of "My skin is just flakes" I really liked. You didn't use it too much, with it only being in every second stanza. Sometimes repetition can be used too much and it loses it punch so to speak. So good job with that, it has power behind it, and great meaning.

I feel as if some of your lines are to long winded, and they loss there emotion and affect. You have some beautiful ideas and imagery in this poem, but because you explain them in a really long winded, round-about-way, they don't have the affect they should.
But, that's ok, because it can be easily fixed. All you have to do is figure out a shorter way to say something, but still keeping the feeling and beauty of it. It can be hard at first, but as you edit it and keep reading it it will get easier.

I think you have a really unique poem here, with some great imagery and language.
So, good job and keep writing.
Nargles xxx

Hey there Kat here to write a review for you and reviewlution!

Okay so I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the song secrets!!! But I don't get what you were trying to do here ...
"So, from the truth, I can continue to escape" is the "I'm gonna give all my secrets away" ?

But the poem itself was very lovely and I could clearly feel the characters emotions though I didn't quiet get what they are escaping from? Is the person made of secrets hidden by lies scared of the truth? I wish there was more flow and rhythm to this because that would make this poem more memorable to the reader. Right now it feels kind of jumbled and lost to me . "This honest dishonesty has kept me from becoming a forgotten fate." "And as a somebody, who is a real nobody I roam." I don't get these two lines either.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful it was kind of confusing and the lines were a little wordy for a poem .