Hi ducklin! Sorry it took me so long to get back to this ^^ I wanted to make sure I had enough time to leave a good review.
First of all, I really enjoyed this part! I liked that we quickly saw repercussions regarding Rae's actions in the first chapter (ie, stealing the amulet), and I love to see the conflict building. As well, I'm sure that Rae's mother has to be tied into this, with how strange their interaction was in the first chapter. Also, I really liked that you'd reiterated that conversation at the beginning, so it didn't feel like a one off. I hope we come back to it, soon 
I'll be a little bit more grammar focused this time, since you mentioned wanting some help with that, but I'll still comment on more broad things too!
The eighth morning bell rang through the narrow streets of Xenos.
This is really nitpicky, but how does Rae know it was the eighth bell if she was asleep? Does this bell sound different than the other ones or does it ring eight times?
"Damn, why does this always have to happen to me?" she cursed.
You missed a question mark here, haha. You seem to typically know the rules of dialogue, because most of the time you do it well, but sometimes you accidentally miss a comma or don't capitalize words right, but let me know if you want me to point out those things more often.
She got up from the floor with a sore back and gathered up the clothes she had thrown on the floor the night before.
Whenever I bold something, it means a correction, so don't forget to capitalize she. Also, be careful about reusing similar phrases close together, because it sounds repetitive and can mess up the flow of your writing. You could replace the second "floor" with something like "the clothes she'd left lying around" or some other descriptor.
"I've been to Darius, see you tonight Mom!"
You should say "I'm going to Darius," since Rae is on her way there and isn't coming from there. Also, maybe add something like going to his booth, since we know Darius isn't going to be there? Or does she not want to tell her mom that she'll be there on her own?
This also had me wondering a few things: first, how old is Rae? I get the impression that she's a bit older, probably in her late teens because she goes out, helps around Darius's stall, and then can even come back and cook for herself and her mom. You don't need to spell it out to us, but I'm curious. The follow up question is does Rae get paid for her help at the stall? Of course, we know that she steals to try to get by, which makes sense from the society you've set up, showing us that Rae and her mom are not especially well off (and I don't know if her mom works or not?) If not, why does she help out Darius? Who is he in relation to Rae? A relative, a family friend, someone that Rae just knows, etc?
Something was wrong and she knew it, but her mother wouldn't tell her what.
You accidentally slipped into first person here.
Rae was already gagging at the thoughts of bumping into sweaty bodies and sitting in a mass of hot meat, she didn't feel like doing that at all.
This is what I meant last review when I talked about a comma splice! Notice here that if you remove everything after the comma, you are left with a complete sentence.
"Rae was already gagging at the thoughts of bumping into sweaty bodies and sitting in a mass of hot meat."
Then if you remove everything before the comma you also get a complete sentence.
"She didn't feel like doing that at all."
This is how you know that you should probably have a period instead of a comma. Sometimes you can get a sentence like this where you can't remove the comma:
"She didn't feel liked doing that at all, gagging at the thought of bumping into sweaty bodies." (I shortened it for the example.)
If you want to keep the ideas related, then you can either add a conjunction between them like and, but, or, etc. or you can turn one of the sentences into a dependent clause. This is a really brief overview of this idea, but you can read more here about dependent and independent clauses and other mistakes to look out for.
Darius had given her a sermon on punctuality first, then gave her literature on how to do her best to attract customers, but Rae had no need for people to disturb her as she read and was absorbed in her book.
This sentence was a little bit confusing to me. First of all, "sermon" usually has a religious connotation, so I was a bit confused on its usage. Second, did you mean to say "lecture" instead of "literature"? Because otherwise it sounds like Darius gave her a book to read about this, which doesn't seem likely. Third, I'm not sure what you're trying to say in the second half of the sentence about "Rae had no need for people to disturb her." This doesn't feel necessary, since you establish that she seems to be reading and ignoring customers, which I think is the idea you're trying to convey.
In front of her stood the man whose beautiful amulet she had stolenfrom.
From isn't necessary here.
"Who do you think you are to call me a thief?" Rae hissed. / “I may be rude, but a thief?"
Here, I was a little confused because of the paragraph break. I thought that this was the man responding to her, so it would be better to keep these as one paragraph so the reader knows that Rae is just continuing to speak.
I'm not sure how I felt about the introduction of the Order of Torvish, because it was written in a bit of a confusing way. First of all, we don't know a whole lot about this world, which is fine because we're only two chapters in, but I don't like that this information is just stuck in the narration. This is tricky because it's important that we know what's happening, but it would help to make it feel like we're in Rae's thoughts and we're not just reading a history book. Show us her shock, her disbelief at the supposed power of the man standing in front of her, and then give us some of the background.
Also, I don't know why you only mentioned one of the magicians by name in that paragraph. This is the sentence, which is confusing to me to read:
Sohad Dashia,the empire in the north, the magician Alaric Munnik known for its black magic and destructive touch.
I don't know why it's necessary for us to have this detail? The thing with introducing this group to us by narration is you should opt to give us only what is absolutely necessary for us to know in the moment, and then reveal the rest as the story goes on. This helps readers stay engaged, because they always want to know more! So the second paragraph about magicians, you could easily save for later, since it's not important to the tension building between Rae and this magician.
Also, how did a magician not expect someone to try to pick pocket him for his amulet in the first place? <.< Just something I thought about.
I was a little put off by Rae's defiance after learning that she had been talking to someone so powerful as this magician. On the one hand, it develops her character more as someone who is stubborn and resilient, but it also seems a bit strange that she's not nervous at all, even in her inner dialogue. I'd like to see a bit more emotion coming out of her, so we can see her inner thoughts and connect to her more.
Her eyes went further and came to the entrance to the underground market.
How did the magician not notice her looking around to try to run and escape? Maybe it would be better to try to intersperse these thoughts between other dialogue as she tries to make a distraction, so she can try to make a fast escape? Otherwise, it makes it seem like the magician corners her in the conversation, then she goes quiet for a while, and then she runs, which seems very telegraphed. I'm also confused why the man looked away from her, knowing that she is a thief.
Gently she slid her tote bag over her shoulder and put in the profit of the day.
It's funny to me that she worried about taking the profits but is not at all concerned with leaving the merchandise out for anyone to take. Why did Darius trust her with his booth? xD
So I know I was pretty nitpicky throughout this, but I was trying to ask questions so you can think more about your story and maybe see some small inconsistencies. Overall, like I said before, I liked this chapter. We learned some more about the world, we got to see immediate consequences for Rae's actions, and I can see a good path forward for the novel to progress. The writing was also solid and I was mostly captivated, aside from some small issues here and there that I mostly pointed out. You're doing a great job!
Let me know when the next part is out
I'm excited to read more. Happy writing!~ Wolfe
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