Published December 12, 2008
Tell me
I’m beautiful,
And feed
My appetites.
Hold me
Gently,
And kiss me,
Roughly.
Desire me
Softly,
And deny me
With force.
Hate me
For nothing,
And love me
With everything.
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140,929 Literary Works • 673,751 Reviews
I suppose it was cliched. But I didn't think that was necesarily bad, I just felt how the poem was, you know? I'll keep writing, for sure. I hope you'll review my next piece
Hi Ducati!
I'd change 'appetites' to 'appetite'.
Come up with something a little more original...this stanza is very cliched. We've heard these lines several times before, so try to reword it into something new and fresh for readers.
It's probably just me, but 'Desire me softly' just sounds a little odd...
My overall impression of this poem was that it is very cliched. I'm really sorry if I'm coming off harsh, but it's the truth.
Everyone has the potential to write something unique, so get to it!
From looking at this piece, I really think you have the potential to do so much better. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
*anti-pop