Mechanical beeping and the hustle and bustle of a busy workday filled the sizeable control room as the members of Subguild #6 scuttled about like ants, each with a purpose. There wasn’t much talking except the occasional whispered instruction, or rushed greeting. Over the years, the workers of Subguild #6 had fallen into a monotonous worklife, but for some, this was a life of stability, and many tolerated it. Many, but not all.
This wasn’t what Sergei had signed up for. He had applied to the Space Exploration Guild not to be bossed around all day, given useless errands like a common laborer. He hadn’t signed up to write reports nor to attend press meetings. He had joined to fly through space on wild adventures, to discover new lands, to destroy those vile aliens of the Axiatus dynasty.
It had been a laborious seven months, filled with tedious and dull work, and not a single adventure. But today, all that was about to change.
Bright orange alarms suddenly filled the room, freezing everyone in place. All attention was redirected as the giant hologram stationed in the middle of the room flickered to life. The alarms cut off, giving way to excited murmurs that rippled through the crowd.
Finally, a face appeared, the outsides of which seemed to dance in the shimmering hologram. It was the Leader of the Space Exploration Guild, Chief Xander. His grim profile and grizzled beard was recognized across the Galaxy as belonging to one of the most influential and powerful men in the 36th century.
“Cherished workers of the Guild! O people of the 6th! The Galaxy is indebted to you, and would perish without you!”
The employees of Subguild #6 looked at each other excitedly. Most of them had never been addressed directly by the Chief, much less praised by him. Sergei puffed out his chest in pride, and suddenly the last few months didn’t seem so bad.
“I am sure you are all aware of the coming dangers that the Galaxy faces. We are in troubled times, very troubled indeed. The armies of Axiatus are relentless in their attacks, and the Galaxy is in need of more land to shelter its inhabitants.”
Sergei wondered why the Chief was telling them this. Everyone knew of the attacks of Axiatus and all the planets the Galaxy had lost to them; there was a new report every week!
The Chief continued, “It is after great consideration that I have decided to give the Sixth Subguild the honor of scouting out a potential planet for the Galaxy. The attached report contains all the details of your mission. Duty calls, my fellow comrades! Do not fear, and may the blessings of the Galaxy be upon you.”
The Chief’s face froze mid farewell as the hologram fizzed out, and it seemed like the workers had forgotten how to speak. And then the excitement swept over them all, and a hundred fifty voices all began talking at once, some in celebration and others in worry.
It was almost a minute later that Captain Nira Throne was able to quiet everyone down. “Silence! The report must be read!” She turned to young Victor, one of the newer applicants, who was fumbling about with a computer. “Víctor! Open the report!”
“On it, Captain!” Victor said, while at the same time, accidentally knocking over a piece of machinery with his elbow.
Finally, Victor managed to open the report, which automatically turned on the hologram once again, which began reading itself out loud in a monotonous voice.
[Assignment Name: Mission Standardize]
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[Objective Details: Planet, Chthonia, scientific name: {Z5^5o-766}, Distance, 766 light years away]
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[Mission Details: You are to do a routine flyover and sample collection of Chthonia and report back attributes. Find a suitable area for landing and bring back study samples of dirt and vegetation. Your first mission is to gather intelligence to make sure Chthonia is indeed fit for human habitation.]
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[Team Requirements: A crew of two is required, one with a degree in FTL Travel and another with the understanding of Astrofloristics.]
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Report End.
Once the robotic voice finished droning on, not a single person spoke. It was the polar opposite reaction than when the Chief had given his speech, and it seemed like everyone was holding their breath.
The Captain broke the silence. “Well? Any volunteers?”
Sergei instantly shot up his hand, but as he looked around, he realized that he was the only one to do so. Everyone else seemed to be trying to shrink into the floor. Sergei neither knew why, nor cared, because he knew that now was his moment. This was what he had been waiting for.
Captain Nira looked at Sergei peculiarly, but then nodded. “Sergei, good. And you have a Faster than Light Travel degree, I presume?” Sergei nodded quickly, and the Captain continued on.
“Who else? Who here knows Astrofloristics?”
At first, nobody moved, but then Victor slowly raised his hand, shaking from head to toe.
The Captain clapped her hands, as if the matter was settled. “Ah, Victor, good! Cutter, will you lead our two lucky pioneers to the docking stations?”
She motioned to a burly man standing off to the side, who nodded and gestured to Victor and Sergei to follow him out the door.
As the heavy doors of the control room hissed shut behind them, Sergei practically marched ahead of Cutter while Victor slowly trailed behind them, clutching his tablet to his chest, unable to stop shaking.
Cutter, one of the guards, didn’t look back as he navigated the labyrinth of the Sixth Subguild’s industrial sector.
“You’re either the bravest man in the sector, or the dumbest.” He suddenly grunted at Sergei. “You know why no one else raised their hand?”
Sergei replied proudly, “Probably because no one else has a Faster than Light Travel degree.”
“Don’t be stupid, kid. Nearly everyone in that room is a suitable pilot. No, it’s not because they’re not qualified, it’s the planet itself that scares them.”
“What, Chthonia? What’s so ominous about that?”
Before Cutter could answer, Victor piped up in a high pitched voice from behind them.
“The Galaxy has been trying to colonize Chthonia for almost a decade, but we’ve never managed to even collect samples. All of our probes got wiped out in the atmosphere, and no one knows how. The last transmissions of the probes have always been a series of radio waves that seem to come from the core of the planet itself, almost as if it’s issuing a warning. There’s loads of talk about what actually lives on Chthonia, but because of how far it is, the Galaxy has never fully committed to fully exploring it, until now.” After a pause, Victor added, “And they chose us!” He looked like he was on the verge of tears.
Cutter looked impressed. “At least someone knows his stuff on this team.”
Sergei huffed. “I bet none of those probes had a Faster than Light-
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Stand still.”
Ignoring Sergei’s complaints, Cutter directed the duo to stand at eye level with two ocular scanners, with himself placing his thumb onto a fingerprint scanner. After a few moments, a pair of doors hissed open, granting them access to a room labeled: DOCKING BAY 9-B.
Sergei quickly grew quiet as he laid his eyes open the beautiful ships that stood parked inside. Ships of all shapes and sizes stood here, from huge Battleships to smaller Landers.
Cutter went over to stand next to one of the Landers, which had a blue imprint on it that said Saber.
“You two are lucky. This one here is a beauty. I would know, because I was part of the testing team for it, and let me tell you, it flies like a charm.”
Sergei gazed in awe at the expert craftsmanship obviously displayed on the Saber, from the twin titanium encrusted thrusters to the sleek exterior of the ship’s visor.
“It’s ten meters in length and three in height, perfect for a duo mission, and speedy too, but I won’t give you many details now, you’ve got a mission to finish.”
As if on cue, a short ladder dropped from the side of the ship that led to the hatch, which slowly opened. Sergei clambered up and into the cockpit, but Victor was still frozen with fear on the ground.
“Come on, Victor!”
“I don’t think I’m ready for this, Sergei..”
“What, d’you want to be stuck getting bullied by the Captain for the rest of your life? This is your chance to go on an adventure!”
Victor, mumbling something about how he just wanted to study flowers, slowly climbed up the ladder, aided by Cutter, and plopped himself down into the seat behind Sergei, who had already worn his pilot’s gear and had started flipping switches and typing commands into the control panel.
“The nav-computer is already loaded with the coordinates. You’ve got your mission, fly over, get some dirt, and come home! Don’t try to be heroes!” Cutter shouted up towards the cockpit.
“Yeah, yeah,” muttered Sergei under his breath, but out loud he said, “We’ll be back in no time, Cutter!”
Flipping a final switch, Sergei closed the hatch to the cockpit and turned on the Disembarking Procedure.
Lights flashed as Cutter hurried away, back through the thick doors that they had come through, leaving the docking station empty. And then, with a great rumble, the huge steel barrier slid open, exposing them to the cold vacuum of space for the first time.
Ignoring Victor’s terrified squeaks, Sergei carefully turned the Saber so that it was fully facing the opening, and then began steering it slowly towards the exit.
They were only a few meters away now, just a few meters from the infinite expanse of dark, empty space. Sergei held his breath as the Saber fully left the Docking station, and the steel barrier closed once more, leaving them slowly floating away from the home they had known all of their life, the Space Base of the Galaxy’s Sixth Subguild.
A robotic voice interrupted the big moment. “FTL drive charging. Estimated jump in twenty seconds.”
“Sergei… the probes didn’t even make it past the atmosphere!”
“That’s because the probes didn’t have me flying them,” said Sergei, grinning as stars stretched across the ship’s visor. “Relax. We’ll just grab some dirt and come back, easy peasy!”
Victor opened his mouth to respond, but just then, the universe folded in on itself.
A great roaring sound filled their ears as the twin thrusters spewed flames in every direction, and space warped violently as the stars became flying streaks of light and the duo were pushed so deep into their seats, it felt like they would never be able to stand up again. The Saber pushed forward thousands of times faster than light, and it was impossible to breathe, and Sergei almost regretted going on this mission in the first place, and then…
Silence.
The stars snapped back into place, and they were drifting through space, panting like they had just run ten marathons.
“FTL drive complete. Coordinates reached,” the ship said calmly.
Sergei leaned forward eagerly, eyes widening at the sight ahead.
Chthonia, a gargantuan sphere that was overflowing with deep jungle, which were cut off as briefly as they started to make room for even wider oceans, seemed to be full to the brim with adventure.
As they slowly drifted closer, the ship suddenly shook, as if it was being pushed backwards.
“Victor!” Sergei shouted.
“On it!”
Victor, who seemed to have recovered quickly from the jump, started tapping furiously on the control panel nearest him, and quickly pulled up a chart.
“Look! They’re some sort of electromagnetic wave, but nothing like I’ve seen before! It’s extremely powerful and– and Sergei! I think they’re the same type of wave the probes recorded!”
“You mean the ones coming from the core of the planet?”
“Yeah, those ones. I- Do you see that?”
Sergei snapped back to attention on the planet and what he saw was shocking. It was like time had sped up. The planet began rotating extremely fast, and a moment later, the ship began shaking, much harder than before.
“SERGEI!”
Sergei pushed forward on the controls as he started the thrusters once more, and began speeding towards the planet, doing his best to dodge the invisible waves.
“WRONG WAY!”
Sergei ignored him. They were almost in the atmosphere, when the ship began physically getting pushed backwards by the waves, this time accompanied by a mournful screeching noise that hurt Sergei’s eardrums more than Victor’s yells of fright.
It was as if the planet was rejecting them, throwing them out, but Sergei pushed on, ignoring the noises that were coming from the Saber. Another burst of shaking almost threw Sergei through the visor, but he was saved by his tight seat strap.
“Sergei! Something huge is coming! Fast!”
Just then, a huge explosion came from the rear engines, and the Saber spun violently, stars once again becoming streaks of light as Sergei tried and failed to steady the ship.
His hands flew over the controls as ear splintering alarms began blaring out, flooding the cockpit in bright orange light.
“Victor! What was that?!”
Victor didn’t respond, and a quick look behind him confirmed that the poor kid had passed out.
Something just hit us.. Something big.
It was then that Sergei realized he had bitten off much more than he could chew. Once again, he tried steadying the Saber but it didn’t budge; it seemed like whatever had hit them had taken out the engine completely.
He briefly thought about trying to contact the base, but it would be no use, they were much too deep into space.
And then, the realization hit him: They were stuck, spinning out with no control, no comms, slowly drifting closer and closer to what might be one of the most unknown planets in a thousand light year radius.
Was this how it would all end? Sergei hadn’t pictured it like this. He didn’t want to be lost on a mysterious planet and die alone. He couldn’t die on his first mission. No, he couldn’t! Sergei knew there must be a way, somehow, that they could survive.
“Thrusters down. Manual control recommended,” said the ship.
That was it! Sergei could’ve slapped himself, how didn’t he see it before? He turned off automatic stabilization in the console, and said, “Saber, switch to manual control.”
The broken hum of the engine slowly got quieter and quieter, before finally dying out completely. At the same time, Sergei quickly grasped a control yoke and began pulling with all of his might.
They were much too close now, and Sergei knew that they wouldn’t be able to escape the pull of gravity anymore. No, that wasn’t his plan. All he had to do was just slow down the spin, just for a bit…
And his effort was working, the spin had slowed down enough that he could see the vast oceans of Chthonia flying past, right before they were swallowed by the huge jungle once again.
He knew he would have to act now, or never. “Ship! Divert all power to the emergency booster!”
The ship replied, “Not enough fuel.”
“Override!”
“Confirm override?”
“YES!”
For a moment, nothing seemed to happen, but then the silence was broken by the emergency booster, which began out as a soft hum but quickly grew to a thunderous roar as the Saber was propelled forward towards the planet at breakneck speed.
Time seemed to slow down as Sergei pulled the control yoke up as the Saber screamed, getting closer and closer towards Chthonia. They had been launched out of the spin, but weren’t in the clear yet.
“10 seconds until impact.”
Sergei frantically scanned the surface of the planet for a place to crash land, but the wide expanse of jungle seemed to go on endlessly.
“5 seconds.”
They were now through the clouds, barreling towards the jungle at a 32 degree angle.
“3 seconds.”
There was nothing but thick jungle, for as far as the eye could see.. All Sergei wanted now was a quick death.
“Brace for impact.”
Just for a moment, everything went silent. Confused, Sergei thought if this was death. But then reality violently dragged him back.
It seemed like the world had exploded. They hit the trees with the scream of metal on wood, branches going everywhere as the Saber cut through the canopy like paper. Sergei’s heart gave a jolt as what seemed like a tree trunk smashed through the Saber’s visor, before falling out once more, being pulled by all of the debris from the canopy.
This is it. This is where it all ends.
The green, leafy ground was barreling towards them much too quickly, the canopy hadn’t saved them at all– wait. That’s not the ground!
And before Sergei could think of anything else, they had ripped through the second canopy as well, and finally, their descent began slowing down, the huge branches of the trees seeming to catch them as they fell.
Sergei had just a moment to catch a glimpse of something huge, jumping back away from the ship, before the Saber had entered the third canopy.
How deep does this thing go?!
Vines and splinters flew once again, but now they weren’t speeding towards the ground, just falling. After a final crack of a branch, it seemed like the Saber had finally come to a rest, still sitting inside the third canopy.
As Sergei sat there, his final thought before his body finally failed him was sheer disbelief at the fact that he was still alive.
—————————————
Sergei woke up to the ship swaying around beneath him, and his heart dropped. Were they falling again? Had the canopy been unable to hold them up?
But no, it wasn’t a falling sensation… Sergei thought the best description for the feeling would be when he had gone through emergency landing training when getting his FTL degree, there was a section of the training where they had to do an emergency landing on water, to simulate what it would be like to land on an oceanic planet.
Sergei remembered the waves pushing him up and pulling him down, and it was the same feeling as this.
But that couldn’t be the case either. They hadn’t landed on water, and one look through the visor told him that they were still on land.
But then.. What was going on?
Sergei quickly unbuckled his seat strap and rose to his feet, trying not to fall over. Victor was still passed out behind him, and Sergei decided against waking him up just yet. He stumbled around the seats and controls, leaning towards the visor to have a look.
It was a crazy sight. Yes, there was nothing but vegetation below them, but the vegetation itself seemed to be working together to move the Saber. There were huge, thick vines grasping the top of the ship, throwing them short distances for other vines to catch.
Tall, tendril-like plants were pushing the Saber forward, acting like arms and hands to pass the ship off to the next set of plants. The leaves themselves on which the Saber was gliding seemed to rustle and roll, acting like some sort of natural treadmill that controlled the speed of the ship.
Looking to the side provided Sergei another shock. Giant winged creatures, each five meters wide, grasped the wings of the Saber in huge scaly talons, flapping their long, feathery wings that were so colorful it was almost blinding.
They had snouts instead of beaks, and had four eyes, one large eye on either side of their head, and one smaller eye that was constantly spinning, as if searching for something.
Their snouts opened to reveal tiny teeth in neat rows, and a thin, pale tongue. It seemed like they were communicating with each other, producing sounds that were a mix of screech and squeak.
Sergei stood in awe, looking at the marvelous sight, taking it all in. They weren’t dead, they weren’t getting attacked, but instead being taken… But where?
Sergei squinted, looking past the vines and tree roots in the general direction of where they were being taken, and spotted a dot in the distance, growing closer and closer by the second.
Sitting right in the middle of a rare clearing in the jungle, sunshine shone bright onto the structure, which definitely beat the dark jungle outside the Saber, lit dimly by small patches of rays of light that had somehow found their way through the dense canopies.
It was huge, as large as the Explorer Base at least, and similarly, it was definitely built by intelligent life. Yes, Sergei was sure of it. The winding towers, reaching for the sky through the canopy of trees, the large, rectangular buildings between them, and encasing it all, a massive, arched wall. It almost looked like…
“A city…”
Sergei jumped, sure that he had somehow broadcasted his thoughts, but no, it was just Victor, staring through the visor, mouth open.
“Victor! You scared me, dude!”
“Sergei… are we dead?” asked Victor bemusedly.
Sergei laughed, just as bewildered as Victor, and just shook his head. “I’m not sure about anything anymore, Victor. We might as well be, but I don’t know.”
The city was now so close that Sergei could see the individual bricks that built the wall. They were made up of a gray material that looked hard but brittle, but Sergei knew he had never seen anything like it before.
“It’s made of stone,” said Victor, again making Sergei jump. “I’ve never seen it before, but I’ve read some reports on it before.”
Victor, like Sergei, had been born and grew up in the Explorer Base, and was one of the many workers of the Sixth Subguild who had never been on a planet.
Thinking about the Guild sent a pang through Sergei’s chest, but also a burst of excitement. This was his first time away from the Base. It all seemed like so long ago, back when Sergei was busy worrying about reports and complaining about his boring life. Ironically, he had never really imagined a world outside of his own. Sergei looked over at Victor, sure that his companion was having similar thoughts.
It was right then, right as the colorful, winged creatures and the tentacle-like vines slowly set down the Saber in front of the huge wooden door of the wall, that Sergei finally came to peace with reality. The truth was, they were stuck on a mystery planet, 766 light years away from home. Sergei hadn’t perfectly landed the ship by any means, and no matter how much he used to think of Victor as a terrified little boy, Sergei knew that whatever happened next, they would go through it together.
As the creatures flew off and the vines crept back into the deep jungle that lay behind, Sergei suddenly knew what he had to do. He slowly walked around Victor and opened the hatch, knowing that if the air wasn’t breathable they would’ve been dead long ago. Stepping onto the ground, Sergei realized it wasn’t yet another canopy of leaves that he was standing on.
It was brown and damp and perfectly natural, and as Sergei dropped to his knees and ran his hands through it, his heartbeat seemed to slow. It stuck to his fingertips in some places and got beneath his nails, but Sergei didn’t mind. It felt calming.
He looked over at Victor, who was still gingerly stepping down the ladder and cupped his hands around some of the stuff.
“Dirt. It’s called dirt.”
Sergei grinned and nodded and stood up with a grunt, wondering what other things were waiting on this planet, just waiting to be discovered. Sergei realized he didn’t know much outside of the Base. He knew about the trees and some vegetation like vines and grass, and vaguely remembered dirt coming up in a Herbology lesson once, but this was something else.
A sudden noise pulled Sergei from his thoughts. It was the noise of the doors swinging open, with a low creaking that seemed to vibrate Sergei’s bones.
After a few moments, the huge doors had opened enough to reveal what they were guarding. Not what, realized Sergei- who!
He was a man, just a bit taller than Sergei himself, looking absolutely miniscule in comparison to the doors. He had a bearded face, kind, brown eyes with bushy eyebrows, and was wearing a gray robe that covered his body from neck to toe. In his hands was a staff almost as tall as himself, which he was slightly leaning on.
Sergei saw with astonishment that he wasn’t the only one. Not even close- there was a crowd behind him of people– humans! – of all shapes and sizes, women, men, children, infants, elderly, anyone you could think of, and there were at least a thousand of them.
Murmurs swept over the crowd for a few tense moments as the two parties stared at each other in wonder, and Sergei noticed that he could understand the language they were speaking.
That was no surprise, thought Sergei, it just meant their implanted language chips were working. In fact, this would mean that they would be able to communicate with them too, so Sergei opened his mouth to introduce himself.
Before he could say a word, though, the man standing in front of the crowd spread his arms wide, still clutching his staff. He broke out in a wide smile, eyes glowing and shouted, “Welcome… to Earth!”
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Hello, friend. I think this is a fantastic science fiction novel.
The story has a good beginning, starting with Sergei's dissatisfaction with "monotonous work", accurately portraying the image of a young pilot who harbors dreams of space adventure and is unwilling to settle for mediocrity - tired of writing reports and being sent on errands, eager to fight aliens and explore the unknown, and also lays a reasonable groundwork for his subsequent act of signing up for dangerous missions without hesitation, avoiding abrupt character behavior.
The sci-fi settings presented in the story are innovative, and the depiction of alien scenes is highly evocative. You have crafted a vibrant Kethonia planet that even possesses "self-awareness": giant vines capable of coordinating the movement of spaceships, tendrils, four-eyed winged creatures with a five-meter wingspan, and a three-layered jungle canopy extending endlessly. These descriptions are meticulous and rich in detail, making readers feel as if they are immersed in the scene. They not only evoke the mystery and eeriness of the alien planet but also infuse the sci-fi settings with imagination. The setting where "the planet emits special electromagnetic waves, causing all detectors to lose contact" also lays the groundwork for the planet's mystery, adding tension to the subsequent adventures.
Of course, the most unforgettable part is the ending of the story. When the reader and the protagonist think they have arrived on an unknown alien planet, the wooden door opens to reveal thousands of humans. Their greeting, "Welcome... to Earth," immediately shifts the entire narrative. This twist not only disrupts the reader's expectations but also raises a series of questions worth exploring: Why is Earth appearing 766 light-years away? How did these humans survive? Is the mysterious ecology of the planet related to Earth? Are the aliens from the Akshathus Dynasty responsible for the loss of contact with Earth? The open-ended ending leaves the story open for further exploration, making it highly attractive.
However, I believe there are still some details in this story that need improvement.
Apart from Sergei and Viktor, almost all other characters are mere "utility figures" with very flat personalities: for example, Captain Nila only serves the function of "maintaining order and assigning tasks" and lacks any personality traits; Guild leader Commander Zander is merely a "symbol for task issuance", with no background information on the guild's decision-making process or the rationale behind choosing Branch 6 to execute the task; Guard Carter, although serving the function of "introducing the dangerous background of the planet", only has the label of "rugged" personality. The portrayal of these secondary characters is too thin, making the story's character portrayal monotonous. If some minor details could be added to them (such as Captain Nila's past or Carter's source of knowledge about the planet), it would make the story more fleshed out.
In addition, the rationality of some plots is slightly lacking, with the suspicion of deliberately creating conflicts. For example, in the control room, except for Sergei and Viktor, no one else signed up for the mission, simply because they were "afraid of the mystery of the planet". However, it is mentioned in the text that "almost everyone in the control room is a qualified pilot". As members of the Space Exploration Guild, facing the guild's mission, everyone chose to back down, which slightly does not conform to the professional setting and seems to deliberately weaken other characters in order to highlight the protagonist. Another example is that Sergei, despite knowing the danger of the planet, still ignored Viktor's warning and insisted on speeding towards the planet. This "impetuousness" may be consistent with the character's personality, but it is slightly excessive and even a bit "dumbing down". If there were a little more consideration added to his actions (such as wanting to complete the mission quickly and prove himself), it would make his behavior more reasonable.
In summary, if this story could be expanded into a full-length novel with some additional details and settings, it would be even better.
Hello, friend. I think this is a fantastic science fiction novel.
The story has a good beginning, starting with Sergei's dissatisfaction with "monotonous work", accurately portraying the image of a young pilot who harbors dreams of space adventure and is unwilling to settle for mediocrity - tired of writing reports and being sent on errands, eager to fight aliens and explore the unknown, and also lays a reasonable groundwork for his subsequent act of signing up for dangerous missions without hesitation, avoiding abrupt character behavior.
The sci-fi settings presented in the story are innovative, and the depiction of alien scenes is highly evocative. You have crafted a vibrant Kethonia planet that even possesses "self-awareness": giant vines capable of coordinating the movement of spaceships, tendrils, four-eyed winged creatures with a five-meter wingspan, and a three-layered jungle canopy extending endlessly. These descriptions are meticulous and rich in detail, making readers feel as if they are immersed in the scene. They not only evoke the mystery and eeriness of the alien planet but also infuse the sci-fi settings with imagination. The setting where "the planet emits special electromagnetic waves, causing all detectors to lose contact" also lays the groundwork for the planet's mystery, adding tension to the subsequent adventures.
Of course, the most unforgettable part is the ending of the story. When the reader and the protagonist think they have arrived on an unknown alien planet, the wooden door opens to reveal thousands of humans. Their greeting, "Welcome... to Earth," immediately shifts the entire narrative. This twist not only disrupts the reader's expectations but also raises a series of questions worth exploring: Why is Earth appearing 766 light-years away? How did these humans survive? Is the mysterious ecology of the planet related to Earth? Are the aliens from the Akshathus Dynasty responsible for the loss of contact with Earth? The open-ended ending leaves the story open for further exploration, making it highly attractive.
However, I believe there are still some details in this story that need improvement.
Apart from Sergei and Viktor, almost all other characters are mere "utility figures" with very flat personalities: for example, Captain Nila only serves the function of "maintaining order and assigning tasks" and lacks any personality traits; Guild leader Commander Zander is merely a "symbol for task issuance", with no background information on the guild's decision-making process or the rationale behind choosing Branch 6 to execute the task; Guard Carter, although serving the function of "introducing the dangerous background of the planet", only has the label of "rugged" personality. The portrayal of these secondary characters is too thin, making the story's character portrayal monotonous. If some minor details could be added to them (such as Captain Nila's past or Carter's source of knowledge about the planet), it would make the story more fleshed out.
In addition, the rationality of some plots is slightly lacking, with the suspicion of deliberately creating conflicts. For example, in the control room, except for Sergei and Viktor, no one else signed up for the mission, simply because they were "afraid of the mystery of the planet". However, it is mentioned in the text that "almost everyone in the control room is a qualified pilot". As members of the Space Exploration Guild, facing the guild's mission, everyone chose to back down, which slightly does not conform to the professional setting and seems to deliberately weaken other characters in order to highlight the protagonist. Another example is that Sergei, despite knowing the danger of the planet, still ignored Viktor's warning and insisted on speeding towards the planet. This "impetuousness" may be consistent with the character's personality, but it is slightly excessive and even a bit "dumbing down". If there were a little more consideration added to his actions (such as wanting to complete the mission quickly and prove himself), it would make his behavior more reasonable.
In summary, if this story could be expanded into a full-length novel with some additional details and settings, it would be even better.
I was really captivated by this story. I was hooked in from the start and the ending had a unique twist!
This sci-fi story follows Sergei and Victor as they are selected to go on a deep space scouting mission. But when after experience ship control issues, they crash land on the planet and find themselves in a lush jungle. By the end, they are brought to a city and it's revealed that they are on Earth.
I liked how the descriptions of the planet and the city felt clear. They didn't slow down the pace, but I could still make a clear picture. Another thing that worked well for me was the interesting premise. A mysterious planet where probes keep going missing... it felt like I was watching Star Trek again!
But I think what intrigued me the most was how the title connects to the story; it make me wonder about the lore of this future. Like, did the humans leave Earth or did they all die? (I'm very interested in a sequel!)
One place I felt a little confused at was once they were selected for the mission, they go straight to the ship, seemingly without prepping for the mission. I could be wrong though, as since its an easy sample and scouting mission, they may not need prep and the gear needed might already be in the spaceship.
You might consider tightening the part when Victor explains why the others in Subguild 6 were reluctant to go on the mission:
It feels a little like a lore dump, maybe have it revealed in an active dialogue, but that's all I really have to suggest.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and I look forward to reading more of your work!
The story is an engaging science-fiction adventure with strong hook, vivid imagery, and a stisfyngtwisted ending. The Final reveal was so good.You should read some of the works of Emil Zola. A very famous French author that explores this theme but with animals. I think you would really enjoy it.
Some areas of improvement. Some sections are overly long, and the reader might lose interest. An example of this are the ship technically descriptions,and few inner monologue sections during the crash. The dialogue can also be unrealistic. The characters explain information they wield reallistically already know. Like Victor explaining some of his history. It doesn't feel very natural. You could try using more interrupted dialogue or giving partial information.
Have a lovely day!