Published June 10, 2007
Invisible Pain
“Her stitches must be invisible”.
Clawing away at her skin,
She bleeds.
The next day, she heals,
No scars to be shown. She cries,
Wanting help from the unknown around her.
We look for a wound, nothing,
There is nothing there.
Nothing is hurting her, yet
She claims she is being abused.
No bruises are shown, no cuts
To be sewn together.
She limps, blood follows her,
Yet no blood is there on her body.
She looks in a mirror, opens her eyes
To see what we cannot see.
She tells us about the scar under her eye,
Her left eye, but we don’t see it,
Just skin is shown. She tells us
What we cannot see, while on her hands,
There is blood. She smashes the mirror,
Glass flies all around, while her hand
Is full of her own blood.
No cuts are there, just her blood.
Nothing is hurting her. There
Is nothing there. On her hand,
We look for a wound to heal.
She cries, wanting help from the people around,
No scars will be shown again.
The next day, we see her,
And her hand shows no cuts.
No scars, nothing.
She claws away at her skin in class,
And she bleeds.
She runs out, screaming, only
To come back healed, no blood shown.
We look, trying to find an answer,
But nothing is hiding them from us.
“Her stitches must be invisible.”
This was done for a class. I got an A on it X3 And almost brought someone to tears. I don't know why though XD Enjoy~ And please critique. Thanks.
"Her stitches must be invisible" is a line from "Sewing, Knitting, Crocheting..." by Naomi Shihab Nye.
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
The repetitive parts didn't do this justice at all and kind of sounded like you were repeating the same basic idea over and over again. I think maybe you should expand more on this, delve in deeper to the character, ya know, explain things better. It was a wonderful idea, it's just that tyou can improve this a lot and it has the potential to be great, I think. It's still good, but I think you could definitely do more with this ifyou worked on it a little!!
I'll agree that parts were repetitive and I think this would look better if you split it into stanzas. That would also help you structure your ideas. Like Claudette says, the idea is good. I've certainly never considered it as the theme for a poem but try to work on it a little more. This strikes a chord with your reader but try and play the full tune. I suppose that doesn't make much sense. Basically, this feels a little unfinished. Maybe delve further into what is actually happening to the girl.
I like the general idea.
But the poem kind of plummets . . . Though I am glad to see you writing poetry again!
I only have a few comment:
1. it got a little repetitive, you were just saying the same thing over and over 'she bleeds, but we don't see it. She cries and stuff' cut the stuff that you say over and over, condense it, put it more emotions, make me feel, and then it'll be better.
2. I felt like I was reading a story in verse form. What makes this poem? (More of a rhetorical question...)
3. Like I said above, make me feel.
But! The idea is cool. Although, you kind of didn't make it up entirely... One thing that should be delved into: Why? Why can no one see them? Why does she? Why is she bleeding? Does this symbolize something, like the hurt children receive from abuse, that they hide? I think it would improve the poem.