Published August 6, 2011
Mind Games
My mind plays games with me.
It tells me one thing,
And changes it before I can see.
*
These games are no fun for me.
And after there is a sting,
Of regret and remorse as painful as a bee.
*
Then I wallow for me.
Sad and ashamed,
Why can my mind not register my plea?
*
And is it not enough that it wounds me?
My mind is a part,
Of my body and system neat and orderly.
*
It betrays and berates me.
Then it apologizes,
And promises it will never again be.
*
Will it keep that promise to me?
I will wait till next time,
To see if I can agree.
***
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,374 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
Okay so.. I like this topic, I've written a similar poem, but the argument was between my body and mind and I was sortof just stuck in the middle. You give great imagery at times, but I'm left unsatisfied at others. The same deal goes through this entire piece.. flows wonderfully at times.. worse at others. Love the stanzas and rythms at some places and at others it's just confusing and choppy.. But overall this is an amazing piece.. just, polish it up.. put some extra spice on it and then it's gonna be even better!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Hi there!
This was a good poem, I enjoyed reading it. I can definitly relate to this. This piece flows really well. I do have one little critique though. I saw that the first and last line of each stanza rhymed. But what about the second lines? I feel like they should rhyme with the second lines in the other stanzas. Get what I'm trying to say? I'm not sure I did a good job explaining it.
Again, great piece. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
I LOVE THIS!!!
I really like the use of poetic technique and the fact that I can readily connect and empathize with the persona
I really liked how you conveyed the wars that everyone has in their minds. I usually do not like rhyming poetry but you did a good job with it here. Good imagrey and descriptions, I could see the struggle. Great work! Keep writing!
I think it's a bit simple, but the words are choppy and neat. The message is easy to understand and relate to and, overall, this is a good poem. It portrays conflicting emotions through words,which cane be hard to do.
You did a good job on this one! Though i wish the lines were more rich in context and style, it still does a good job in revealing the conflict that occur in our minds, we are torn between what we want to do and what our minds will allow us do. I think anyone can totally get the message; keep writing and welcome to YWS.