Young Writers Society

OMG I love how you were able to relate to the readers. Jeez you related to me. I really loved it. Good job keep it up

You did a good job describing the characters feelings, but there were three glaring issues I had.
1. The wording was a little awkward, like, "uncomfortable but comfortable" ? And at the end, Oh boy didn't really fit with the sentence. Though the figurative language was great.
2. Where at the two characters at? Did they meet by chance? You didn't really describe where they were at, nor what they were doing, resulting in me imagining them on a blank canvas. However, good job describing how she felt.
3. The part where they meet eyes is confusing. Did they run into eachother, stare at eachother, then walk away? The moment started intense, but maybe he says something? So it's not as awkward?
Overall, this was real l good, I enjoyed it!

This is so relatable. Even though I've never experienced this exactly, it's easy to see the narrator's point of view. The voice is phenomenal, I love the way that this seems more like a journal entry than a story because the narrator is so open and honest.

Onto the review, I feel like this piece could benefit from some quick editing, as there are a few minor grammar mistakes. For example, in the second paragraph, "romantic" should be changed to romantic. Also "i" should always be capitalized.

Secondly, there are many instances where the tense changes. Most of the story is written in past tense, so make sure that you keep that the same throughout; this will really help your writing flow better.

Lastly, there seems to be some unnecessary punctuation. For example, in the line "Now, I feel like you are my destiny." there is no need for a comma.


I really hope that this advice is helpful. Great work, I hope you have an amazing day!

Hello there!
I am here to review your work In any corrections I see I may need to give (to help) or things I enjoy so I hope you find this helpful

As soon as I started reading something kept pulling attention away from the story itself. Which typically you want your readers to pay full attention in your works and understand or feel what's going on but my attention kept going towards your miss placed symbols for instance:
".Yes , i am medico." Should be "Yes, I am medico." And something I was a little stuck on what this "I ignored you !!!" should be "I ignored you!!!" which if you read back maybe you'll catch that you did that a couple other times too.

You also used capitalized words in some random spots but @Snoops already mentioned that.
I am sorry if it seemed like I just nagged but this is just spotting things and pointing them out to help make you a better writer.

No one is perfect and I'm sure that when I write something, if you review my work you will also find errors but we all need to take our errors into consideration so we can improve


But other then those couple things I think you did a good job and I could understand what you were talking about.

Hey

Here for a review!

I honestly felt so much happiness and emotion in your writing. Whoever your crush is is a very lucky person!

When it comes to boring little things that don't matter but I should probably mention:
--You often use CAPITALS randomly which although shows happiness it takes away maturity from your writing
--You don't use a Capital in the start of your sentences
--and there are capitals randomly In the Middle Of Sentences for no reason...
--Also emojis...really?
--to that, you need to put your commas right next to your words, like this, see?


In all I really like what you're trying to portray except it's lacking details--this could be anyone's love story! Add description, details, anything personal.

Your writing is nearly conversational which is good but be direct about it! If you're going to break the 4th wall absolutely go for it! Tell your audience anything you need to tell them.

I love the beginning where you state that you weren't ready for love and yet you couldn't stop it! Love that! I mean it's true!


Hope this helps!
Lau