Published September 23, 2008
Oh how you stare,
Oh how you care,
Or at least you claim to.
Oh how you break,
Every promise you make,
Or the ones you pretend to make.
Oh how i fall,
How i loose it all,
I pay my own price.
Oh how we fought,
Each other we caught,
Or at least I did.
Oh how you hurt,
Oh how you cared,
No thats just me.
Bunt but true...
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141,446 Literary Works • 674,458 Reviews
i liked the whole poem it was great the way i saw it there were no mistakes at all.
i liked the rhythm the most.But make it a little bit more long.
But if you don't want to make it long who cares it's OK.
And putting the "oh" everywhere made the poem a bit dull.
and please continue Writing poems
just like this
ok
good luck
This is very interesting! The only issues I saw were the uncapitalised i's and the word "loose" (as in, "not tight") instead of "lose" (as in "to no longer have possession of"). However, it didn't distract me from the lines. I haven't seen many poems written in groups of three lines like this, so that's something refreshing.
ok, firstly, this was well written. The beginning was especially good and drew the reader in
great work. a start always needs to be successful 
just a few pointers...
'Each other we caught, ' i wasnt sure of this line. i dont know what it was. just a thought.
love the ending as well
becuase its so quick, there really isnt much to comment on, which is great! its a good length and to the point.
sometimes just be careful with your structure. just to make sure it flows consistently.
other than the point i made, great work
bisquit
hope i have helped