Okay, this is too good to criticise. Hmmm.
Hey there, Dreamy here. To be honest , I didn't know that the woman was killed by the narrator or anyone for that matter. Let me tell you why. For some unknown-- weird reason, I skipped these words "crimson stream" "shoveled" and " wide open as she sleeps." Yes, the exact words that suggests that she's been killed. Isn't that amusing? You just remove few words and the poem entirely suggests a different story.
Her pallor-
as always lacking;
her lips-
more red than they'd ever been
When I read the first line, I was like "whaaa" So, the woman is dead but she is not pale? The entire stanza was bit--I would call it "mind twisting." Because, I really got confused. Is she pale or not? The first stanza tells me that she is covered with blood, so let's say she is stabbed. If she is stabbed, it is impossible to hold on to a cigarette in mouth. The same goes with the strangling, ya know the fights ya got to put up. This leads me to the only option, which is poisoning. But the "crimson stream" contradicts that possibility.
So, I'm sitting here imagining all sort of weird positions of the woman's body and the different ways to kill a person.
All I'm trying to say is, a little bit of logic adds a beautiful scenery to anything we write. Since you seem so good with diction, I request you to keep it rich and simple for people like me. But feel free to ignore *me*
Other than that, I really loved your poem.
Cheers~
Happy Poeting!
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