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Young Writers Society



The Caterpillar Who Loved The Butterfly

by Dreamwriter


The Caterpillar Fell in Love with the Butterfly

Once, in your own back yard, there was a caterpillar. This caterpillar took part in a love story that you were never aware could take place in your back yard, much less that you could imagine occurring between what you call ‘insects’. In the depths of the tree branches, among the greenest of leaves, inching along the smallest of stems was a short, green, furry caterpillar eating his fill.

Where were you when this caterpillar first gazed upon his beloved? Why, you were asleep, for this took place after dark. Doug the caterpillar was munching away, as caterpillars often do, when he looked up into the moonlight and beheld the most glorious sight he’d ever seen. A glorious tiger butterfly descended from the starry night sky, and landed ever so gracefully upon a blossom not far away from the munching caterpillar.

Her yellow was the loveliest shade, standing bright against the dark night sky. Her lovely black stripes glittered with wing dust. She was so beautiful, the caterpillar knew that she was the one and only love for him.

But Doug believed himself not good enough for such a creature of beauty. For what was he? A fat green caterpillar. Nothing compared to this magnificent tiger of the insect world. And so he waited, watching in wonder, as his beloved drank her fill from the flower’s middle and flew away.

As they hours went by, the caterpillar lusted after the butterfly more and more, longing to have her love him back as much. And still he did not allow her to know of his love, for fear of out right rejection.

And then, the very next day, Doug became sleepy and entered a homemade cocoon. Where were you when Doug entered his slumber? Why, you were eating your breakfast, unaware of the events taking place in your own back yard. You see, an hour to an insect is much like a day to us. So for the hours the caterpillar spent in his cocoon, you simply went about your business of your daily events.

And then the caterpillar awoke, breaking away from his cocoon as you came home, and prepared yourself a single meal for dinner.

As the caterpillar took his first gentle steps on the green leaves, he realized that he was no longer a fat green caterpillar, but rather a beautiful butterfly, with stripes as black as night, and yellow the shade of sunshine. Now he was magnificent enough to face his beloved as a new man, a changed insect.

As she had the night before, the tiger he loved came to the flowers nearby to take her fill.

“May I join you?” He asked, hoping he sounded charming.

As this beauty looked up to see the wonder that Doug had become, she became overwhelmed with his grace, much as he had she before.

“Of course.” She said, hoping that she sounded lady like.

And as such communication exists in the human world, your world, so does it in the insect world. And, as in the human world, this too lead to good times, happy hearts, and a happily ever after.


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118 Reviews


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Reviews: 118

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Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:31 pm
myfreindsavamp wrote a review...



GingerLizzy wrote:Wow, this was pretty original actually and I really liked it! It kind of reminded me of the Hungry Caterpillar, which is one of those books that you never forget, really. Good job!


I agree!
-em




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461 Reviews


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Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:38 am
GingerLizzy wrote a review...



Wow, this was pretty original actually and I really liked it! It kind of reminded me of the Hungry Caterpillar, which is one of those books that you never forget, really.

First off, let me start with all those little things that could be classed as "nit-pickety" things. Your story seems to be based around the fact that it is for children, which is all fair, but I think your choice of language throughout the story perhaps makes it a little complicated, if not drawn out, for such children.

Also, it annoyed me a little of the lack of paragraphs and such. If you just put a one space line between your paragraphs, it makes your work look more professional, and to be honest, I think it becomes easier to read too.

"As this beauty looked up to see the wonder that Doug had become, she became overwhelmed with his grace, much as he had she before."

This sentence kind of made me a little confused towards the end. I know what you're talking about, but I think you've used a very complex way of saying what you need to say that just sort of... Zoomed over my head.

Now, that's all that moany, groany stuff out of the way.

You have a really nice story here that with a little tweaking could be used as a bedtime story, or something along those lines. I like how you are referirng back to the reader and getting them involved in the story, even though in the story, they are completely clueless as to what is going on.

Good job!





A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare