My façade was broken and
made useless, therefore;
my soul unprotected
and kevlar decayed.
The Creator will state,
here you shall stay
till your story has
died and been
lost in time.
Now you
finally
end.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is very confusing to me. I dont know if that was intended or not. Just clarify what you mean in everything and it shoulld be fine.For me at least nothing really made sense I dont know if that's because im younger and dont understand as much as you do or not but that doesnt really change how confusing it can make me and other readers feel. Clarify just a bit and it'll be good. Otherwise it's a pretty good Poem and is very strong as well. Thank you for sharing it with us and Happy Review day! GO SQUIDS
I am just curious, what does "kevlar" mean?
Your poem is very good... I think it would help to do
"Now, you
will finally
end."
It is just a personal preference of mine for poems to rhyme, and I think that would make this poem better, but I think it is very good without it as well.
Good job on everything else though!
I thank you for your words.
Kevlar is super-strong and bulletproof material. Humans tend to "kevlar" themselves to avoid being hurt etc.
Oh, ok. That makes sense!
I enjoyed this poem. The only difference I would make would be the end:
"Now... finally,
you...
end".
With or without the ellipses.
Take care!
-Fred
I'm really glad you liked it and thanks for the review.
Definitely! You joined the same day I did! hi5!
-Fred
Haha, we should be lovers.
Cheers!
Good poem, but I have a few suggestions and fixes.
Line 2: There is an "e" at the end of the word therefore.
Line 2: put a semicolon at the end of therefore, this is a compound sentence.
Line 5: Capitalize Creator It's either a title or a name, and both should be capitalized.
Line 6: You are beginning a quote from The Creator, so add quotation marks before the word "here". Capitalize "here" It is the first work of a quote.
Line 9: Put a quotation mark after the .
The last three lines:
Line 10: Is this a continued quote from the Creator? If so, move the quotation mark from after line 9 to after the final .
Line 10: The person change in the poem doesn't make sense, unless this is a finishing quote from the creator. The poem starts with "My", but it is now "you", is this an error, or still a quote?
Line 11-12: move "end." to the same line as finally. "finally" is too short for it's own line (unless it's the very last line). Might I suggest a change in words? How about "Now here - it comes to an end - finally."
Anyway, liked the poem. Keep up the good work!
Thank you.
This was really useful.
Sorry, @Sylar went on my account
What?
jk
Oops!