Young Writers Society

Hey, Dreamwalker! I just came by to return the favor and review your novel! :) I hope I help out; I haven't done a review in quite some time.

Live life to the fullest, as they always say, but when you live to the end of the world, is there such a need to?

It made me almost envious of such an ability as I was too cynical to believe in any other sort of fate then this one.

There was nothing more then that.

I really love the writing style and can't wait 'til I have time to read more of your writings you already have posted. It is well written except the grammar that others have already pointed out so I really don't need to point those out again. Why look for something if you already fixed it, right? I really enjoyed this short prologue and will follow you to review some more of your awesome work!

Thank you all so kindly for your reviews! I will definitly take it all and see what I can do!

And at the moment, he doesn't seem to cynical, but throughout the story in itself he becomes it. It's just hard getting it across in the first little bit.

You've all been a big help!

~The.Dreamwalker

Good job, that was interesting!

as I watched such naïve human aspirations and passions shine through in the world’s their subconscious’s will me to create.

This sentence kinda confused me at first. I had to reread it before I got what you were trying to say. I would try to rephrase it a bit so that the reader has a less difficult time understanding it.

how I truly felt those long and lonely days that filled my heart

I think there should be a comma after "felt".

You should keep working at it though, you did a good job!

~Tayla

nice one ..

Hey,
In my opinion, the main character *did* come off as melodramatic, and there was no trace of cynicism. Your writing style was fantastic though, and something about a Dreamwalker seems mysterious and beautiful to me. Keep writing!

Hello! I'm trying to critique a little more, and as I don't have much time, this was the perfect length for me! Word of warning: I prefer to not read other critiques before I submit mine, so I may be repeating what others have said. Let's see what I can do for you...

The.Dreamwalker wrote:Alright this is pretty short and I kept it fairly simple for prologues sake. I know this may sound a little confusing and a little poetic in a sense, but I wanted my character to come across as almost cynical in his solemness.

Please, harsh reviews are very much wanted and I dont mind cruelty, I am just curious to see how people take this, and it is very short so I think it shouldn't be too rough to read.. Well enjoy and please please please tell me what you think. You words are very much appreciated!

Prologue: If You Only Knew

Live life to the fullest, as they always say, but when you live to the end of the world, is there such a need to? Is there really a purpose to such a life as mine?

One where I pay no price for the time I spend, watching, waiting, and creating the worlds that everyone sees when they close their eyes. I am but a humble soul always searching for what I should truthfully be doing in this world, not accepting the truths around me.

Brother told me long ago that I had to let things sink in, to accept this fate that I have been given.

He told me I was lucky, blessed even to see the things that I have seen, feel the things that I have felt…

Of course I never felt this way, as I watched such naïve human aspirations and passions shine through in the world’s their subconscious’s will me to create.

It made me almost envious of such an ability as I was too cynical to believe in any other sort of fate then this one.

My quill is my tool of choice, my words my only way to express how I truly felt those long and lonely days that filled my heart with an ongoing grief, but it is not those feelings that caused me to tell of my story to you.

I’m really not all that special, an ordinary person in a sense, if I was born to the world with a soul, a body. My hands… I look down at them and know they are sad excuses for what I have always prayed, wished, dreamt of being. Silly, I know, but the truth.

It was fate though that I was to be the Dreamwalker. I create dreams, fill everyone’s thoughts with beautiful images of past memories or lucrative fantasies. Everything a person feels in this life, I know. Maybe that’s why I am as I am, simple and forlorn. I am but merely a man of my word.

Or at least was until the day I met her. That’s my story, simple and true. A story that was not meant to make you smile, or fall to tears as I know I have many a times over. It’s just our story, of a man who was too afraid to fly, and a mute girl who saw only truth. I loved her. She loved life. There was nothing more then that.

So you ask me why I would write about such a thing? Because it’s one thing that I can hold onto. The reason I have for living. Call me crazy, maybe even absurd, but I am a dreamer. The Dreamwalker.

This was really, very good. How dare you think I would laugh! XD
This prologue is vague, but most are. It's very whimsical and poetic, which is something I actually like. But sometimes that can go a little too far, as it does sometimes in this.
And I'm sorry to say, but your character does not come across as cynical. The only time the reader would guess that this character has some trace of cynicism in him would be when he says, "I was too cynical." Sorrowful, perhaps. But not cynical.
Other than that, this is amazing, and it really draws you in. I was hoping to make one of those full, hardcore reviews, but I find hardly anything wrong with this so that's virtually impossible for me to do, and I suck at punctuation.
Setting was almost nonexistent, but It's a prologue and I imagine it very otherworldly and divine, so it goes.
Well, that's the best I can do here. XD
-Jack

Hi!

First off, I'm really sorry that I dont have any criticisms to offer ^^; It's not my habit to just offer praises without at least some advice, but I really couldn't find a single thing I didn't like. I'm horrible at grammar and what I did notice Pippiedooda already covered so I cant help you out there either. All I really have to say is why I liked what I did.

Character:
The way you introduced your character was fantastic. He came off as deep and tragic, but no so much that he fits into the usual cliches or has already given up all his mysteries. He has so much potential and I'm really curious to see where his story goes from here and how he tells it.

Style:
As with your character, I thought your prose was amazing. I loved the reflective, pensive tone you held throughout the entire piece and I was ecstatic that you didn't overdue it. It was just right and went along perfect with your diction. This type of writing is actually a personal favorite of mine

Sidenote:
Your work reminded me off a book a read recently called The Book Theif. (I can't remember the authors name right now, but I think it might have been Markus Zusak or something) It was about a german girl in Nazi Germany and the whole thing was narrated by Death much in the way your Dreamwalkers telling his story. I liked it a lot and, judging from your work, think you should check it out sometime ^^

Well, thats it. Again, Im really sorry I couldnt come up with something better ( You really did do a great job :3) and I hope this helped at least a little. PM if there's more please ^^

--PandaPez

Hi! I thought this was a well written prologue- a good way of introducing the story I'd definitely be interested in reading more if you post it!

Live life to the fullest, as they always say, but when you live to the end of the world, is there such a need to?

One where I pay no price for the time I spend, watching, waiting, and creating the worlds that everyone sees when they close their eyes.

I am but a humble soul always searching for what I should truthfully be doing in this world, not accepting the truths around me.

It made me almost envious of such an ability as I was too cynical to believe in any other sort of fate then this one.

My quill is my tool of choice, my words my only way to express how I truly felt those long and lonely days that filled my heart with an ongoing grief, but it is not those feelings that caused me to tell of my story to you.

It was fate though that I was to be the Dreamwalker.