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Canary word: Present
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
hey! actually good feel you have impinged in it
but few of your verses aren't well-hit
a good writer is a one who excavates two things
1)a reader must get the feel of your mood
2)must get clear vision of what you are about to say
you did first part well go ahead working out the other side
Hey DreamsRain!
Welcome to YWS (Young Writers Society). Let me start with the mistakes you've made.
1. Your punctuation is very bad.
2. This line has a mistake "If so were are they" you made a spelling mistake. I think "were" is supposed to be "where".
3. I usually say the people who write poems to make there lines shorter but for you Have to ask you to make your sentences a bit more longer.
4. this line has a few mistakes as well
"Can they come back
Or they won't"
I would change the "O" in "Or" to a simple letter not keep it as a capitol letter.
I don't want to go hard on you so I won't need to tell the other mistakes.
This is my first review so sorry if I mess up!(;
Overall, this is a great poem! I like the short choppy sentences being used. It makes a solid point. There were a few mistakes. For example, using were instead of where. Other than that I really enjoyed reading it. Towards the end though I didn't fully understand the outcome. Maybe make the subject a bit more clear?
XxThumbs up though!xX
Hi DreamsRain! Welcome to YWS!
I am GeeLyria and I will be reviewing for you today. Okay, so this is pretty good. Your lines show that you have the potential to be a great writer. The message is really beautiful. The wording is pretty simple, and the flow of the poem is neat. By just looking, I notice you don't use punctuation in your poem~ but this piece has so many questions (and no question marks) that it pinches me. e.e It can be quite confusing. I'd suggest you to add all those questions mark at the beginning.
And... Yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say. Keep writing!
~GeeLyria