Young Writers Society

I really loved this poem! There aren’t very many poems out there that I really connect to, but this is one of them. It flows really well without having to rhyme, which quite a feat. Usually I enjoy those kinds of poems over non-rhyming ones, but this one was different. I enjoyed the imagery you used to convey the message, especially in the beginning when you were talking about the auction. I could imagine myself in that situation, and I have had those exact same feelings before. The end really wrapped up the poem nicely. Keep writing!!!

Even the original ones said it all. The new one's just got more size and professionalism.

-that says it all!

Tears cascade down my upset face,
as I know I just want to live invisibly.
But everything around won't let that be
cause they all know; somewhere inside,I have dreams.

Trying to get by in a dreamless world is hard, you see.
Every night in the glowing moonlight around the room,
Maybe lookin cross the lake, flashing with colors of the rainbow,
Or watching a butterfly flutter away, why can't you dream?

But maybe its because my dreams are higher than that.
cause I know my dreams might be
my long awaited, seemingly denied, destiny.
I'll be brave for those that keep on saying not to give up.


Better? I decided a new style.

i think this poem was put together very well--i think it flowed really good. *two thumbs up*

I like the concept behind this - I can definitely relate. The rhyme style isnt one I would have chosen (I'm prejudiced against certain styles, lol) but that's just me. As far as the second rendering goes, I would shorten the second line, maybe, and change one of the 'be' endings to something else that rhymes. And "'round" doesnt work for me, sorry, I dont know whether you might want to change it or what, its up to you. It falls a little flat at the end. Are you going to add more?
It has potential though, keep going. I'm looking forward to seeing what you make of it

I just wanna get by
but I have dreams higher than the sky
I feel I can be
anything I want to be
but everything 'round
seems to be sound
against dreams.

Does it sound better?

Too much 'me.' You should use it to end just one line, and then think up other thinks. Also, if you're gonna do rhyming then you to change the scheme around. Right now it's:
A
A
B
B
B
B

Those last two B's need to be C's. By the way, I'm assuming that wink face is supposed to be 'be.'

But I do like the idea behind the poem; that the speaker is conflicted, that the speaker really just wants to get by but has dreams higher than the sky. Play that right, and you'll have a great poem.

I would say that it's starting off well. It of course needs more editing, and you'll add more substance to it as you write it, but right now it's already a good read.