Heya, Creamery! Casanova here to do a review for you!
To start off with I would like to say that I love this poem, and I appreciated the message behind it. Anyway, to the review!
I'll be taking this section by section.
[summertime stargazing]
You remind me of summer nights
rife with lightning storms and lightning bugs
that caress us with butterfly kisses when it's
pouring down on us.
I rather like these lines. They're the strongest out of the poem, and really hold the imagery together. I can feel what you're trying to say, and it fits perfectly.
Summer nights remind me of one chance,
a few fingers floating too close to one another,
a few stars that fell to Earth during a meteor shower.
Although I understand what the last two lines are trying to say, they don't really fit with the previous lines. And I feel like you could do without this entire stanza and not lose a thing, because it's so vague.
[magnificent views]
You remind me of valleys
that roll and toss during tempests
that crash and crash and crash
and crash against the precipice.
I didn't enjoy the valley description here. I get what you was trying to say, but it seemed tasteless compared to the previous lines.
Walking across water until I slip
and fall into a body that will take me
into an abysmal darkness,
a drowning envelope.
I really like these lines. They're strong and powerful, and really hold up to the imagery in the first stanza.
[our early days of astronomy]
You remind me of constellations
that stretch beyond the human imagination,
because there was a point during which
you would talk about wildfires.
These lines seemed like they were just to continue on with the poem. I would suggest trying to put emphasis on them, and throw away the wildfire line.
Take me away,
I want to be with the sky.
I want to be with the scars.
These are really good lines, and I believe they share the thoughts of the rest of the poem and really are genuine. Congrats and props, I did the best I could with this review.
Your friend, Casanova
Points: 3571
Reviews: 624
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