Anybody Else...

Swooping in for a review on this poem, as promised.

You'll find out throughout the poem that I liked STARRY DAYS better and why, it may just be a personal preference of style. Anyway, I think that this poem is its strongest in its emotional impact in that the weight behind the lines here is probably your strength. It /feels/ like it has emotional weight and how everything is worded or punctuated really goes along with it, regardless if all of it is intentional or not.

There was a lack of imagery in this poem and I think that's where you hung me up. Good and strong images aren't really there but I can /see/ them working in this poem especially with the repetition that you use. It tends to jump around from thing to thing and it doesn't really stick to one area which is a whole other thing. There is no base of imagery in this poem that it really builds off of because this is more of a topic or theme poem than that, I think.

Give us sensory details that will strengthen the images already here like the storms in the first stanza and then in the second stanza as well. The second stanza is what I mean by jumping around with first the shallow nights and fiery drought but then just to pain in general. Focus on sensory details to appeal to the reader's senses, but another thing to take into consideration is figurative language, which is important as well with metaphors and similes to help convey what you mean.

You don't have to spell everything out for the reader, instead, work it into the poem. Don't just say it's deep insomnia, find some other way to say it rather than just giving it away. The subtly only adds to the poem and I'd rather like to hear a good metaphor defining how pain feels rather than it being told in the poem bluntly or straight-up. And finally, I thought your usage of repetition worked with the whole "I think/hope I'll be okay" but it was a little minimal? That's all there really was of it, but the last line didn't really have as much of an effect as I think it should've.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Heya, Dreamery! Casanova here to do a short review for you!

Anyway, the first thing I have to say is the placements of the,"I think I'll be okay," and,"I hope I'll be okay." The two,"I think I'll be okay," is all the way over to the right side of the page, whereas,"I hope I'll be okay," is somewhat in the middle. I would suggest making them even, because that really messes with my OCD. Anyway, onward to the review! I'll be doing this section by section.

I have a jar of wishes on my desk,

so when I toss and tumble

in my deep insomnia,

I'll be able to wish on a shooting star

suspended in the air.

Though, there's a storm outside

battering the shutters,

battering me,

Bending the trees,

bending my psyche.

I keep a post-it on my forehead,

a string on my body for every month

I've been dead,

I've been alive.

I want to be reminded of shallow nights,

deeper days,

snow blindness,

a fiery drought.

Inside is safer,

though inside is where we set ourselves alight.

Nothing to hurt you inside,

but more painful than out.

More painful than myself.

I see somebody else in the mirror,

because I've long since shattered it.

Fragmented tesseract,

shards that are cushioned against my skin.

An abstract rendering,

of the tears on my cheeks.

Love myself before anyone else,

but self-love is more complex than self-immolation.

no one will look twice at you,

but I check myself a hundred times over

and I still feel empty.