Sitting on the hardest hat,
Pretending.
Footsteps shuffle in their haste,
Unending.
Practicing slowly and stiff,
Ascending.
Hearts of roses wet with snow,
Depending.
Untrained arms and hopeful ears,
Extending.
Restless and much too careful,
Descending.
Clearly within the mirror,
Transcending.
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Canary word: Present
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,567 Reviews
I quite like this! The repetition and the way you tweak the sole word to really connect to the sentence its a part of and then have it link to the other lines through the rhyming. Nice! This -
Hearts of roses wet with snow,
Depending.
Untrained arms and hopeful ears,
Extending.
- in particular seemed very eloquent and moving!
Jaz
I like the repetition. You certainly have your style down. But the lines, don't seem to connect. That is the only problem. I don't have any idea what the poem is about so I can't really review this. But, the lines seem to be totally seperated from each other and have nothing to do with the one after them. Sorry,
A. S.
without even reading it, it seems too list like and too much of the same set up and wording throughout it. Change things up.