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Young Writers Society



Bringing Hope to the Past

by DragonWriter22


Professor Van Ophoven turned on his desk lamp and looked back over the papers he’d been reading. It was close to midnight, but he pressed on, ignoring the weariness in his arms and fighting the droop of his eyelids. He had a long day tomorrow, but sleep was an enemy and less restful than staying awake. The night before he had only slept for four hours and the night before that had been even less. This was terribly unhealthy and he was now stumbling through most days more asleep than awake. This didn't matter to him though. When he slept, his mind wandered to places he wished to forget. Terrible, terrible places, to a terrible time when both his wife and son had died in the 1918 flu pandemic. That had been several years ago, but still the memory was fresh in his mind.

It had been the worst loss he had ever faced, even greater than that of his parents several years earlier. Remembering this now, Van Ophoven closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. He was too tired to even cry, or perhap he had finally come to terms with it. Who knew at this point?

The clock continued to tick and it became harder and harder to focus on his reading. To his surprise moments later, he found himself lying on the floor. He had fallen asleep during his work. What was even more surprising was that a bright light had filled his study.

Supposing the room to be on fire, Van Ophoven leapt up, but found it was not so. In front of him, radiating spirals of light, was a oddly shaped orb. Backing away, Van Ophoven stared in awe. It had to be a dream, or perhaps his lack of sleep was finally catching up to him and he was hallucinating.

Van Ophoven shielded his eyes as the light got brighter and brighter. Then it stopped. Van Ophoven peered through his fingers and found the orb was still there, though it had dimmed. Now it appeared to be made out of metal. Van Ophoven took a step forward to investigate, but instantly stepped back again. A crack had just opened in the orb and was widening by the minute. The interior of the orb was dark, but he could see something inside. Scanning the room for a defense, Van Ophoven was startled when a 9-year-old boy stepped from the contraption.

The boy appeared uncertain for a second, but as soon as he saw the Professor, his eyes lit up. "Professor Van Ophoven?"

Startled, Van Ophoven could only stammer "Eh, um, Yes?"

The boy's eyes lit up further and a smile lit across his face. "Thank goodness! I was so worried I'd get the coordinates and time wrong! Chromulators are a relatively new invention after all. If I got lost on my first trip I'd be in so much trouble! Well actually…" The boy rambled on for some time. Listening, Van Ophoven began to feel dizzy and his head started to swim. What was going on? It sounded as if the boy was from the future and that he'd somehow come back in time thanks to a new use of the something something Chrome -whatever. On top of that, this… thing is something that Van Ophoven had supposedly invented.

"I'm no inventor." He interrupted the boy.

The boy stopped, confused. "Oh, of course not yet. But you will be and because of your invention, you'll make the future possible! You're perhaps known as the greatest inventor of all time!"

This was all too much to take in. Van Ophoven shook his head and rubbed his tired eyes. "You claim to be from the future, but that's not possible. So is all this. I've finally cracked."

"No! You must understand! You're a genius and you mustn't squander your talents. I've read that you almost gave up on your invention, but you didn’t. That’s why everyone looks up to you so much in my time.”

“So, I have a bright future ahead of me?” Van Ophoven looked thoughtful. Right now his life was offering little to live for, but if his future was bright….

The boy shuffled his feet. “Well, not exactly. You um, die before the full potential of your invention is discovered. That’s why I’m here actually. For one of the most loved people of the future, you lived an awfully depressing life. I wanted to make sure you knew the value of your invention.”

Van Ophoven sighed. His future was just as dark as the present. So much for hope. “Listen boy, I’m in no position to be thinking clearly right now. Even if what you say is true, I don’t think I can believe it.”

“Oh that’s easy. I can prove it to you!” The boy grabbed Van Ophoven's hand and pulled him toward the orb. “The future is marvelous! You must see all that your work has become.”

Van Ophoven made a weak attempt at fighting back, but then gave up. If this was a hallucination then it didn’t much matter where or “when” he went.

The boy pulled the older man into the orb and began pushing buttons to close the door and start up the machine. “Name’s Ryan by the way.” He said as he flipped the final switch.

“Nice to meet you Ryyyyy-” Van Ophoven began automatically. Before he could finish, everything started spinning and his words were lost in time.

When he came to, Van Ophoven was lying on the floor of a strange room. Sunlight streamed through a giant window, though the room itself remained quite dark. The boy, or Ryan as Van Ophoven remembered, was standing by the window and eagerly peering out. Van Ophoven stood and the boy turned at the noise.

Smiling, Ryan motioned for him to join him. “Come on! You have to see this!”

Hesitantly, Van Ophoven complied, unsure what to expect. He had never thought much about the future.

Outside the widow was the strangest sight he had ever seen. They were high up in the air, yet there was nothing to keep them up. They weren’t even moving in any way or form. The astonishment didn’t end there. Below vehicles with no visible means of propulsion were speeding back and forth along giant highways.

“What- how is this possible?

“Your invention! We’re calling it the Van Ophoven Chromulator now. Though when you first invented it you named it something in dutch. I can’t pronounce it.”

“I- I did this?”

“Your invention is the basis for this. Others have expanded on it to try and discover everything it can do. Your invention has been the key to many new inventions. Not just antigravity and hovercraft technology, but faster than light speed, holograms and time travel too.

Van Ophoven stood quiet, “What year is this?”

“This year? 2016.”

Van Ophoven nodded silently. 2016… less than a hundred years later and his work would change the world. “You said earlier that time travel is a new discovery?”

“Yeah, my dad did it actually.” Ryan grinned shyly. “Here, I’ll show you.” Ryan dashed to a nearby table and tapped a mechanical device on it. A green light streamed from it and a 3D model of the orb appeared in the air.

“What's that?”

“Hmm? Oh, hologram, it's another thing based off your invention. That’s not important though. This is what’s important.” Ryan held up the device and the projection moved with it. He pushed a button and the inside of the orb became visible. “See, your invention is inside the engine here.” Ryan pointed.

Van Ophoven nodded again. “When will I invent this machine?”

“You’ll finish it in 1938, or perhaps 1936. I forget.”

Van Ophoven studied the projection for another second. It was so hard to believe, but it couldn’t be a dream. A loud crash interrupted his thoughts.

Ryan looked frightened and switched off the device, “Oh no! My dad! You’re not supposed to be here.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“No time to explain, we’ve got to get you back.” Ryan tugged on Van Ophoven’s arm and they both darted into the Time Machine. Ryan shoved the device in his pocket and frantically set the time machine. Van Ophoven barely had time to register what was going on before they had returned to the blur of time.

Luckily Van Ophoven managed to avoid passing out, though he found the orb a bit too cramped for his taste. It was a relief when Ryan finally opened the door and they were back in Van Ophoven’s study.

“That was close.” Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m not allowed to use the time machine without permission.”

Van Ophoven raised an eyebrow, “Then why did you?”

“It’s like I said before. There’s so much sadness in the past and I just can’t bear it. My dad said that if you’re not careful then time travel can cause time wounding paradoxes, but I’m not so sure. How could simply cheering someone up destroy time?”

Van Ophoven shrugged. “Regardless, you should probably be returning home. Your father may be worried about you.”

“Maybe, but I can return to the lab before he gets there since I have the time machine. Still, I think you’re right. Time Travel is exhausting.” Ryan glanced toward the open doors of the Time Machine, but seemed to hesitate. Then to Van Ophoven’s surprise, Ryan turned and hugged him.

Van Ophoven stiffened for a moment, then returned the hug with a small smile.

“It’s been so nice to meet you, sir.” Ryan said as he stepped away. “You’ve been an inspiration to me for so long! I hope I can be an inventor like you some day.”

Van Ophoven’s smile widened. “It’s been wonderful to meet you Ryan. You’ve helped me in ways you could never know.”

Eyes shining, Ryan stepped back into the Time Machine and gave one last wave before the doors closed. A second later, the orb began to glow and Van Ophoven covered his eyes. When he opened them a moment later, the orb was gone.

Van Ophoven rubbed the last of the light from his eyes then lifted his right hand. In it, he clutched the strange hologram device. Yes, the boy had helped him, though he would never know how. It had been difficult, but Van Ophoven thought he’d done a pretty good job. Especially considering how long it’d been since he’d been a pick-pocketing orphan.

Van Ophoven turned to his desk and activated the projection. It was still late, but his weariness was all but gone. He knew for sure that he could make the basic engine for a Time Machine, and that was a start. Now all he needed were the modification parts. Getting out some paper, Van Ophoven began copying a list from the time machine plans. The boy had granted him a chance at a brighter future. He could save his wife and son with this machine, and perhaps even his parents. A wild smile flew across Van Ophoven’s face. Why even stop there? With a machine like this, the world could be his. He could do anything!

With new determination the professor worked throughout the rest of the night. The next morning his co-workers found him asleep at his desk, murmuring frantically. Concerned for his health, he was released from teaching that day. One day soon became another and then a week as Van Ophoven spent more and more time on his project. It became his passion and obsession. He had to finish it! What good would it be if his work only benefitted the future? He could bring it into being now, if only he could get the right parts. Unfortunately this was impossible. Many of the modified parts weren't invented yet and eventually Van Ophoven ran out of money before the machine was half-done. In the end he died trying to save the plans and his work from his burning house. Van Ophoven’s obsessive nature hadn’t put his work in good light, and he had hoarded his discoveries with jealousy. Because of this, no one was able to make the progress or even begin to work on what he had. His ideas died with him and the Chromulator was never invented.

As for Ryan, he never realized the full implications of what he’d done as he never existed. His parents ended up leading completely different lives in a very different world. One that would perhaps look familiar to you if you looked out the window.


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1085 Reviews


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Wed Feb 03, 2016 12:16 pm
Mea says...



nice






Thanks



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Wed Feb 03, 2016 1:14 am
ErikaHale wrote a review...



Hello there, DragonWriter!

What a wonderful short story you have here! Oh, and how cleverly written it is! The word choice is simply superb, the details are just enough to let you understand; and the reader is more engagaged with every word.

The only areas I think could be stronger are the sentence fluency and a few grammar mistakes. There is this wonderful website (http://www.hemingwayapp.com/) where you can just paste your story, and it highlights the sentences that you need to work on. I suggest you give it a try.

But other than that, it's a wonderful story! Every sentence has portraits either character development or moves the story forward, and ending just left me speechless.

I hope this story gets published some day.

Yours truly,

Erika Hale






Thank you so much (:
I'll be sure to try that website



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Tue Feb 02, 2016 10:38 pm
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Lavvie wrote a review...



Hi DragonWriter! :)

I'm going to be straightforward and say that I really, really enjoyed this. It was quirky, well-written, sensible and somehow managed to not seem cliche, despite the fact that the concept isn't exactly terribly unique. It's true that you have not diverged very much from the stereotypical trope of naive-person-meddles-with-time-and-actually-ruins-everything, but I think that your style/ease of writing and the consistency of it allows the plot to pull through and not bore or annoy the reader. Big kudos to you for that.

I am unsure about the beginning of the story. You've introduced Van Ophoven as quite the academic hermit with personal troubles. It is evident, upon reading the entire piece, that his family's deaths are points of intense mourning as he uses them to motivate and fuel his obsession with the time machine. However, the fates of the wife and son are glazed over which gives me the initial impression that they're not really worth telling. We know that is far from true, because in the end they (sort of) become the professor's downfall. I suggest you elaborate a bit more, but in a way that better conveys how Van Ophoven struggles with the deaths. For example, you might consider incorporating a brief flashback of when he first got news of the deaths, his emotional reaction. Did he faint? Was he silent for an extended period of time? Did he quit working? Or did he go to the park and feed the ducks? This way, you are not only spending a bit more time on this important turning point in the man's life but you are also showing us the reaction, as opposed to telling.

The age-old writer's mantra of "show, don't tell" also seems to be something that you are on edge about. It's not a serial mistake of yours, but there are definitely points where I felt that I would rather have been in the situation of feeling like I was witnessing Van Ophoven react to something as opposed to feeling like I was just reading a few lines in a newspaper article. It's the small difference of throwing in a few lines to make an action more personal for our tragic hero. You've actually done a decent job of not being too showy or telly but, like I said, you're toeing the line just a tad. Currently, the story is in a kind of neutral phase where it is neither nor. It would be nice to see a little more writerly prowess in your already very easy, flowing work :)

Furthermore, the mention of the son's university acceptance and recent engagement is a little gratuitous. Have you ever heard of the expression, "Flogging a dead horse" or "Rubbing salt into the wound"? They mean something along the lines of "too much" "unnecessary" or "cruel". Already, the reader is aware that the deaths of Van Ophoven's wife and son are hard-hitting so we don't need to add to that with relatively insignificant details. The son's death is already horrible without the additional information, which doesn't even come back into play later on in the story.

Another little thing worth commenting on is the futuristic objects Ryan interacts with when he transports the professor to the future. Because part of your message is something along the lines of "the 2016 we are actually experiencing would have been different had Van Ophoven not died" (thus almost hinting that your character was actually real), I feel like Ryan's 2016 would be greatly different than our actual 2016. Obviously, there is the time machine which is a big difference but the touchscreens and printers aren't all that unique. I think it would be much more sensible (ironically, enough) to have the objects Ryan interacts with to be much more futuristic, like holographic things. It's just an idea.

I have nitpicks but they seem a little silly to point out considering the other bigger things I've touched on. That being said, I encourage you to take care of dialogue punctuation. Sometimes it's a little off, so keep an eye out.

Overall, I wish that you had written more. There is so much potential to flesh out things. I'm not necessarily encouraging you to make this into a novel project, because I understand that novels may not be your thing, but short stories can be a little longer! I think one of the biggest drawbacks of the entire piece was that, at times, it felt a bit rushed which I felt was quite a shame considering the rushed moments were moments where it would not have hurt to expand a bit more. For example, the ending is particularly disappointing mainly because so many years are summarized like some sort of silly event might be in a low-grade local newspaper. Of course, I understand that there is a specific sort of style of short story that you are aiming for – one that is somewhat moralizing, certainly – but this was a part that didn't quite pull through. This is probably the lamest critique that I'm giving you right now mainly because I can't provide a solid solution. That being said, I am asking you to reconsider how you ended the tale of Van Ophoven and his invention. It was much too anti-climactic and detached, since I found myself rather attached to our tragic hero. Your writing doesn't deserve such an ending and nor does your audience.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to drop me a line – either here, on my wall, or via PM.

Thank you for a most brilliant read. Let me know if you revise and/or write anything else.

Best,
Lav






Thank you for the review! This originally was an idea for a novel, but I have so many ideas for novels that I decided to shorten this one to a short story. I'll consider expanding it again though. The main reason I didn't was that I was worried it was getting too long as it was for people to be willing to read it.



Lavvie says...


Oh, but quite the contrary! People want to read more! Tag me if you ever post anything more, either for this or otherwise :)




Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers