Published May 5, 2017
Chapter 3:
That day, a woman visited the retreat. She had pale and curly, yet neat blonde hair, along with a pair of bleached-blue eyes. She wore a charcoal black coat with heels of a matching colour. She wore opaque black tights and under her coat was a red and white-spotted short-sleeved blouse, accompanied with a long black skirt. She walked with great formality and the second she saw the Führer, it was as if she had seen Jesus Christ himself. She threw herself at him and kissed his cheek. I guessed she and the Führer were somehow related. That was until she mentioned the word ‘Liebling’. I was scrubbing the floor in the corridor of the bottom floor when I heard this. I stopped, astonished. Then, a loud voice brought me back to my senses.
“Get back to work, Horse-face!” This time, it wasn’t one of the soldiers. This time, it was him. The Führer. I felt my insides boiling in anger. Did he fake all of the times he said he loved me? Did he lie to me? Don’t get me wrong, I hate him nevertheless, it’s just that what he said made me loathe him further.
“Who is that, kleine Perle?” The woman asked.
“Just one of the maids, Eva. Nothing to worry about.” The Führer replied. Eva and the Führer walked past me and out into the backyard. I carried on scrubbing, trying to bottle the anger within. Then, I felt a sharp pain in my back as someone kicked me.
“You missed out a spot, Abscheulich Aschenputtel.” Klara’s voice said. I sighed and returned back to the place I just finished scrubbing.
“Don’t you dare sigh!” Henriette kicked me as her harsh voice resonated in the corridor.
“Pardon, Madame Henriette.” I said obediently. I had no choice. Ever since I told Klara about what I went through with the Führer, she had manipulated everything to her own advantage and made Henriette and Kasia detest me more than the Nazis hated the Soviets. Since June 22nd this year, ‘Operation Barbarossa’ has been launched as an attempt to take over the USSR. I couldn’t care less about what the Führer is planning to do with the Soviets, all I cared about is whether I’ll be able to live long enough to see the III Reich fall. With those three demons I used to call friends and my boss’ “Liebling”, my chances were close to none.
That night, Eva was to sleep with the Führer, while I was thrown into the maid barracks. Since I didn’t have any pyjamas, I was forced to wear my maid’s uniform to sleep today. How pleasant it was to have my best friends by my side that night. They were so kind to keep me up all night, talking about how I’m a slut, a brat and how I didn’t deserve to live. Ha. So sweet. However, one thing kept on bugging me while my colleagues were saying those 'kind' words and 'patting' me ‘gently’ on my back. Before Hitler sent me to the barracks, he looked around to make sure his lover wasn’t around, before saying,
“Fräulein Jeanne, please believe me when I say that I still love you. I will prove this to you.” Of course, I had to reply with the standard: ‘I understand, mein Führer’, but I really just shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
Next morning, the sun was out, shining brightly. I was barely alive after the beating I received last night. I could hear the other three maids snoring. Each one alone was quiet, but in unison, they were louder than a trumpet on full-blast. I slowly got out of bed, knowing that they’ll be asleep for a bit longer. I creeped out of the barracks and entered the house to be greeted by a loud argument.
“Betrüger!” Eva’s voice echoed through the bottom floor. I hid behind the wall of the living room and listened to the argument. “How could you do something so terrible?! Here I was, thinking that you truly love me!” I couldn’t believe my own ears. Is she really saying this?
“Eva, please calm down.” The Führer seemed very calm, which made me slightly uneasy. “I was planning to tell you yesterday, but you never wanted to listen. So I decided to tell you now. It is Jeanne I love, not you.” I heard an extremely loud ‘bang!’ of a slap and the slamming of a door. I emerged from behind the wall and walked slowly towards the Führer, he looked at me and forced a little smile onto his face.
“H-Hallo, Jeanne.” He said, looking down to at the floor. There was a crimson-red mark of where Eva had slapped him.
“Mein Führer…” I could barely speak from what I heard. “W-were those words true?”
“As true as my hatred for Communists and the Jews.” How am I supposed to react to that? I’m guessing his love was true. I moved closer and embraced him.
“Adolf…” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I thought you’d work it out yourself.”
“That’s not very helpful after what happened yesterday.” I moved away from him slightly. He finally looked up at me.
“You’re right. I don’t deserve your love after what happened.” He suddenly reached for his Luger pistol and forced it into my hand. He held out my hand so that the pistol was aiming at his chest. “Fire!” He yelled. “Fire! I am not worthy to have your love after being such an atrocious man! SHOOT ME!!”
“NO!!” I screamed, louder than him. He looked at him, as if astonished. My, he was a good actor. He stood up and took the Luger from me gently, before placing it back in its place at his waist. We stared at each other for a while, until he broke the silence.
“Take off that uniform,” He said, not a single emotion could be found in his voice. “And put on some normal clothes. You are no longer a maid.” He fell onto one knee and took out a box from his pocket. “Will you marry me?”
Author’s Notes: Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Here are the translations for the words used in this chapter:
Liebling (German) - A cute nickname for one’s lover
Madame (French) - Mistress
Kleine Perle (German) - Little pearl (another nickname)
Betrüger (German) - Cheater
Abscheulich (German) - Loathsome
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Hey, Noir!
) But this revelation brings me to ask a very important question? Is this a fiction with real-life characters or is it an inspired work from a pre-existing historical fact?
Okay, this came in as a shocker, though it really shouldn't have. For so long, when I heard Fuhrer, I really believed that it was just someone in a higher power. I did not stop for a minute to think that it was Adolf himself. (You see, that's how much of a dumb person I am.
I guess I can't really ship Fuhrer and Jeanne now, knowing for certain who Fuhrer is. He legally does marry Eva so I'm all pumped for his love with Jeanne. I'm not quite sure if at all I can be excited about Jeanne and Fuhrer's relationship because we all know who he ends up with at the end. But I really like the aurora you're setting up between these two characters that it gets kinda, sorta impossible to root for whatever their intention is.
I think it should be "boil"
Though I liked the sarcasm in this paragraph, I did not like these three little words, they were distracting from Jeanne's melancholy narration, not that it is bad but it's not, dare I say, genuine. :/
I just wanted to tell you that when I read the first part of the sentence I was very confused. I didn't know what was happening but when I got to the second part I knew what was happening. It's alright, I guess, but know that the sentence framing is kind of off-putting.
I really liked the transition you made between Klara using your information against you to ‘Operation Barbarossa’, it's clever and I liked it. But really, Klara, I thought Jeanne would have some friends! Umphf!
I can't wait to read more of this.
Keep writing!
Cheers!
Thank you for your feedback! Just to clear any doubt, this is a historical fanfiction partially based on facts. Once more, thank you for this review and I'll try to improve for the future.
Ah, then this will be my first fan fiction ever to read! Keep writing, yo, I like it!
Hello, DragonNoir! Keep here for a review...
I'm trying to become a knight of the green room and this was just the work to help me get closer.I'm not particularly fond of works that deal with historical fiction so I may be bias a little. I'd say your writing is good, and so is the format ect. but, I'm not particularly found of the idea. WWII and Hitler are a very touchy subject for me, and that's why I don't like the idea. It rubs me wrong thinking of a romance with Hitler involved, but enough of what I think of the idea; but more into helping you with your work.
I find it ironic that he's being compared to Jesus because he was the total opposite, but it is accurate to say some people treated him like a God.
So, the maid hates him which means she's only using the fact that he likes her (later he shows that obviously not here when he calls her horse face) to her advantage right?
The k needs to be capitalized and the T doesn't.
Again, lower case T in "The."
Comma after "Aschenputtel" instead of a period.
Comma after "Henriette" instead of a period.
This made me laugh internally. XD
It's "pajamas" instead of "pyjamas."
This is a little bland honestly. I'd add more drama and heat to the situation. She just found out she wasn't loved by someone she was kissing the other day. Make her show more emotion and maybe throw something at him. I don't know, but this is too short for the break up that just happened.
Comma after "Jeanne" instead of a period and lowercase "He".
So here somethings missing and I cant quite put my finger on it but, there should be more going on. Elaborate and feel free to describe more of what's going on. Don't rush it.
At first I was like "WOAH, WOAH, THIS IS ABOUT TO GET SEXUAL!" then I read some more and wiped the sweat from my brow. Lol!
That was fast, Hitler.
In conclusion, I think it'd be good for you to look up some rules on grammar, and find different ways to arrange sentences because, it'll keep the reader interested longer. With that said I think that's all the criticism I have for you today. I just think you should slow it down a bit and take your time with description because without it the reader feels lost in a sea without fish. Anyway, keep writing I'm sure if I enjoyed this sort of section that I'd like this so keep going with it.
~Keep <3
Thank you for your feedback! If I should be honest, then according to German spelling, the 'k' in "kleine Perle" should not be capitalised, but I mean that's how I've been taught. Now, if you really want to know whether she's using him... Meh, I think I'll say nothing to build up the tension
What I will say, though, is that it's not going to be as clear as you think
Once more, thank you for your feedback!
I didn't get a notification for this, YWS!!! LOL You're very welcome! And excuse me for that I am part German, but I couldn't speak it to save my life. Lol