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Aschenputtel Chapter 2

by DragonNoir


Chapter 2:

I woke up the next morning to very loud snoring. I sighed quietly in annoyance. Jesus Christ, what have I done to deserve this? I slowly got out of the bed and, creeping over to the door opposite the bed, opened one of the wardrobes. Black curtains were pulled over the windows and door, as if trying to hide what was inside the room. I was intelligent enough to see that the Führer was probably trying to hide me and the fact that I’m sleeping with him from the other three maids, but even then I wasn’t very sure of how correct I was. I didn’t want to peek out from behind the curtains, in the fear that the sunlight coming through might wake the Führer.

I saw that my items in the wardrobe on the right side of the door, although I am still very curious as to how much the soldiers saw in my house. Whether they looked through my personal belongings or not. Ha! I bet they went through my all my paperwork to check if I wasn’t some spy or something. I instantly recognised my blouses, underwear, bras, tights and long skirts. However, I saw that the soldiers added something extra. It was the same clothes that the other maids wore. I guessed they used the size labels on my other clothes to save time making the clothing. Still, I was curious to know whether it was the other maids who made it or if it was done by someone else.I took out the maid outfit carefully. I was extremely quiet, as was required of me if I didn’t want to wake the Führer. I quickly dressed myself and left the room, before sneaking down the dark brown stairs, placing every step carefully. The walls in the entire house were either white or cream-coloured, along with a few beautiful patterns on the ceiling. I immediately changed my posture when I was spotted by a soldier, who was patrolling the bottom floor. When I finally reached the end of the stairs, I was standing in front of him, although this had me looking into his chest. I saluted the soldier and spoke,

“I am ready to start my job.” 

“Gut, follow me.” The soldier replied in a very deep voice. The soldier led me to what I guessed was the living room. In the centre of the huge room was a large black wooden table, with two black leather sofas arranged perpendicularly to the entrance. The walls here were white and the ceiling had the Nazi flag printed onto it just over the table, but it did not cover the entire ceiling. The rest of the ceiling had carved swirl patterns. Just ahead of the table was the exit to what seemed like barracks and a backyard. About two metres right from the table, was a chimney. I was worried they were going to give me something worse to do.

“Clean up the cinders. Now.” The soldier commanded. I nodded in obedience and got right to it. I grabbed the metal dustpan and brush, the kind that has very long handles, and began to sweep up the cinders. Every time I tried to sweep up the mess onto the dustpan, a lot of the cinders went into my face, which was not the nicest of things. I began to theorise that they did not choose this kind of brush by accident. I had this very old, grey bag where I guess I should put the cinders in. Suddenly, I heard steps from my left and turned swiftly to see who it was. 

“Well well well, it seems we have a little Cendrillon over here.” Henriette chuckled. I smiled sarcastically in response.

“You know what?” Klara said. “How about we give you a nickname? ‘Aschenputtel’ should do the trick; you don’t deserve to be called something as elegantly-sounding as ‘Cendrillon’, especially after you slept with the Führer last night.”

“Look, I did not ask for this.” I quickly explained. “He forced me to. That was why I fainted.”

“So you lied to us?” Kasia raised an eyebrow. Dammit. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. But I could not lose face in such a situation.

“Ok, I admit it. I lied to you, but only because I wanted to explain it to you in more detail-”

“Look, spare us your explanation.” Klara cut in. “We’ll give you another chance. Just don’t test us like that, ok?”

“I promise that I will respect you more.”

“Dobrze.” Kasia said. “Now clean those cinders Aschenputtel.” The three maids went out of the living room and deeper into the house. I sighed and returned to sweeping up the cinders.

That same day, near the afternoon, the Führer decided to present me with the gift of his presence. I was in the kitchen, washing the dishes from dinner, when he approached me.

“Fräulein Jeanne,” He said. “Would you mind coming with me?”“But, mein Führer, I’ve still got-” I began.

“Would you mind coming with me?” He asked, his tone slightly aggressive.

“Yes, mein Führer.” I left the dishes and wiped my hands with a dirty cloth the soldiers provided me with, before following the Führer up to the first floor, to the balcony. He had a seat on one of the deckchairs. He offered me the one opposite, so I took a seat.

“So, Fräulein Jeanne, tell me of your family.” He said. “Do you have any siblings? What jobs did your parents have?”

“I am an only child.” I replied. This wasn’t exactly true, because my mother remarried when I was about 17. She had a baby with another man and my real father died two days after the baby was born. I haven’t really talked with my mother ever since. All I know that the baby was a boy. “My mother was a tailor, she made most of my clothes when I was at school.” I continued. “My father was a pilot and died in action.”

“Did your mother remarry after that happened?”

“Yes. I haven’t heard from her ever since.”

“That must have been very hard for you.” As if he’d know it himself.

“Is this all, mein Führer? I need to return to my du-”

“You will leave when I say so.” I was prepared to either slap him or throw him over the wooden barrier of the balcony. However, that second idea probably wouldn’t end in death. Well, technically, it would; it would end in my death.

“What else do you wish to know?” I asked.

“How are the other maids treating you?”

“They accept me, and that is all I ask of them.”

“Good.” I was really beginning to think he was judging me against a very specific criteria. I felt a sudden rush of relief at what he said next: “You may go.”

“Thank you, mein Führer.” I stood up and left. I wondered if he could tell that meant ‘Thank God, it’s over’. 

“Oh, just in case you wanted to know,” He called after me, I stopped and listened. “You are sleeping with me again tonight.” I went pale and my eyes widened. Please, no, not again, I thought. I took a deep breath and replied,

“Ja, mein Führer.” I quickly ran to the kitchen and returned to cleaning the dishes. Klara walked in as soon as I began cleaning one of the bowls in the large sink.

“Good work, Aschenputtel.” She said. I could tell she was smiling.

“Thank you.” I replied. Then, I stopped cleaning and looked Klara in the eyes. “Klara, I need to tell you something. But I really need you to understand that I have no choice-”

“The Führer asked you to sleep with him again?” There was a short awkward silence.

“Y- yes.” I replied. “I really don’t want to, but I have no choice. You have to believe me!”

“Hold your horses! I believe you! It’s just that you seem to attract him so much, and I really don’t know what is so attractive about you.”

“Believe me, I don’t know myself. I thought I was repulsive, or at least not beautiful enough for the Führer himself.”

“I can guarantee that your dealings with the Führer won’t affect my view on you, but I don’t know how Henriette and Kasia will react. I will try my best to make them see things the way I do, but I can’t guarantee anything.”

“I understand. Thank you for being so kind.”

“No problem. Now hurry up with that cleaning, Aschenputtel.” Klara smiled as she left.

Then, a year after all of this happened, things changed immensely.

Author’s Notes:I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Here’s are the English translations for a few words in this chapter:

Fräulein - Miss (German)

Aschenputtel - Cinderella (German)

Cendrillon - Cinderella (French)

Dobrze - Good (Polish)

Ja - Yes (German)


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Thu May 04, 2017 9:35 am
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello DragonNoir, if I have to be completely honest with you I really like what I'm reading. I don't know if I've ever actually come across a serious WWII fiction spun with romance. This is something, and I cannot wait to see Jeanne's development. I'm already shipping Fuhrer and Jeanne, is that twisted? Or maybe too soon? Anyway, on with the review.

When I read the first chapter, and as the reviewers had already mentioned there, it did feel like the story was moving too fast (for my taste), but since certain elements like her panic when he asked for her address, and immediately getting on a train to go with him kept me intrigued. I wanted to know why she didn't protest, but of course the obvious reason is being she could have ended up dead but her inability to do nothing in that moment made me think that maybe we would have a bout of self reflection from her part. But as I said, there was no break in the chapter for self-indulgence or self-reflection to actually understand the reasons behind her actions. Maybe I'm just not being patient and that it will all be clear in the later chapters.

The second chapter is actually everything I wanted from this story. Acceptance by the maid, Jeanne has already made friends with Klara and we now know the intention of Fuhrer which is nerve-wrecking but as I said, I ship them already in a twisted way (pardon me, if he's the villain, haha).

I almost Googled Aschenputtel but thank you for your notes.

There were few typos like these:

I bet they went through my all my paperwork to check if I wasn’t some spy or something.


I began to theorise that they did not choose this kind of brush by accident.


did you mean to say that they chose these kind of brush by accident or, nein?

Also, I don't think I'm a big fan of how this chapter ends. We have only been introduced to the main characters and we have only begun to understand the intention of one of the character. We still don't know how exactly Fuhrer looks like, I don't think there was any description of him and we certainly don't know what Jeanne thinks of all this. Considering everything, it feels like you're pushing the story out of your way which is probably okay for the first draft but, as far as I'm concerned, I'd recommend you to loose write few chapters-- as in, testing the waters. Let your characters interact and give your audience a peek into their minds and their daily work so as to understand and feel them. But this is only a suggestion which if you want you can try, otherwise, it's fine.

Hope this review was helpful. Let me know when you post other chapters because I'm really liking this!

Keep writing!

Cheers!




DragonNoir says...


Thank you very much! Sorry about the typo, I'll be sure to proof read it more thoroughly :)



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Thu May 04, 2017 2:07 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, Dino here for a quick review!

I haven't read the previous chapter so forgive me if I get anything wrong!

The first thing, from just reading the first paragraph, is the beginning of this chapter doesn't grab me. Like, in the first few sentences, I think I got lost because to me, some of the sentences could use some switching around. Also, another thing that I suggest but you don't have to take into consideration, is placing the MC's thoughts into italics so it can be easier to tell it apart from the rest of the text that is surrounding it.
While I feel like your beginning is weak, it does set up a nice description of her bedroom.

The next big chunk of paragraph is also a nice description but I feel like you went into too depth of it. What I mean by this is you just telling us instead of showing us. I think often times most people struggle with this because they think they are showing us a wonderful image but instead, they are just telling us. It can be the opposite too where they show too much and don't tell the reader. Personally, I find that show makes the reader think they are there while tell is almost covering the ground for the reader to get a better understanding of what is happening, if that makes sense.
Also, you know what the character's voices sound like, but the readers do not know. Perhaps give some little description about them. I can tell that they are obviously German but German people (and mostly everyone) sounds different from what we expect.

“Fräulein Jeanne,” He said. “Would you mind coming with me?”“But, mein Führer, I’ve still got-” I began.


This is probably an accident but when writing dialogue, when someone else is talking place their dialogue tag in a separate line.

I liked this chapter. I'm intrigued to believe this is historical fiction and what you are going to do next in this series. I can't wait to see the next chapter posted!

If you have any questions, let me know!

Dino

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DragonNoir says...


Thank you for your feedback! The dialogue mistake happened because of formatting issues, but the problem I have is that someone told me in a review on the first chapter of this story that I shouldn't put thoughts in italics, because it's in first person, so I can incorporate thoughts into the work itself. Other than that, thank you once more for your feedback



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Wed May 03, 2017 9:07 pm
PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hi Dragon! Welcome to YWS! I peeked at your first chapter and it seems intriguing--well, I happen to like historical fiction after all :D

I liked the relationship between Jeanne and the other characters. After learning what the title was, I'm wondering if I'm seeing a historical "Cinderella" retelling? Sounds cool! I also liked the fact that you included other characters with different nationalities. I appreciate the translations at the end of the chapter as well!

I want to talk about the dialogue here. First of all, the dialogue sounds a little stilted for ALL the characters, even the maids. I see "ok" here and in order for it to match the rest of the dialogue, I believe either the "ok" can be cut out or the dialogue can be a little more colloquial. Personally, I prefer the latter but these are just suggestions; in the end, it's up to you! :D Perhaps the people who aren't too comfortable with German might have a slight accent or something, too. I also thought that Fuhrer was a little overly formal but that may just be his nature.

I would have really loved to see a little more setting too. This is historical fiction, right? It's not as easy for me to imagine the setting as much as if I were reading a contemporary novel. So some added setting would make this chapter even better than it originally was, I think. I personally don't like to see description dumped together into one massive paragraph (one I am guilty of doing myself :P), but I do love to see it in a few paragraphs here and there and scattered in action.

I see some internal monologue here. Still, I don't really feel Jeanne's emotions so much. Feeling a character's emotions...well it's tricky. My reason for this may be totally off, but I'm taking a stab at it. I think it's partly because Jeanne is...what you call it...not a really interesting character here. We're just floating through the story, but then all Jeanne is not exactly doing stuff for herself. She's narrating the story, but I feel as if I don't really see the world through her eyes. The power of first person, I think, is that you're less restricted in internal monologue and opinions. So for example, when Jeanne sees the soldier, she can immediately form her impression if she describes him. I don't think thoughts are necessary everywhere, but I'd love a feel for Jeanne's character voice.

Whew! My review has these chunky paragraphs that I don't like to read in stories :P but I hope this helped! Feel free to use my suggestions or not, and message me if you want to discuss. As another note, please let me know when the next chapter's up (you can post a link on your wall and tag me by adding "@" in front of my username). I might not be able to drop a review on every chapter, but I want to keep up with the novel.

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DragonNoir says...


Thank you very much for your feedback! I will make sure I improve in the future :)




We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot