The Dream Team

Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

Happy review day, Drago! Holysocks appears to have covered your commas, so I am going to focus on your paragraphing. It needs a bit of work.

A story is a idea. A paragraph is an idea inside the idea. Just a piece of the puzzle. When you finish writing one idea and move onto the next one. It's pretty easy, though it takes a minute to get the hang of it.

Let me give you a example, just so you can see what I'm talking about. Instead of this...

Gavin's new shiny team was taking a path to Victory Road. He was thinking about all the trouble he caused by having overpowered pokemon. "No matter," He said happily as he entered the doors. He released Frosslass from her ball he especially looked at her purple bow and wondered that's the only change? He was feeling annoyed that that's what they did for some shinys. He wanted to break open the door with Shadow Ball and he did. Everyone was shocked as he said "Sorry Locked." He smashed open the door to Sidney. And said freakishly "I don't want to be calm I want to make them faint!" He knew that Dark types were coming so he brought out Escavalier. Escavalier had tons of Super Training he used all the punching bags he could. Escavalier darted and Megahorned that Absol of his. He literally looked like he broke one of Absols bones! Gavin didn't know he is overpowered he just wanted to beat the champion. Sidney was defeated as fast as the speed of light. Gavin wanted to know everyone's weakness with all the moves his Pokemon had learned. He quickly sprinted to Pheobe and sent out his shiny pink Cofigrigus and made sure he had Trick Room and Dark Pulse. Cofigrigus was gonna kill them and he knew it. He fainted everyone with the single move Dark Pulse. Sableye was destroyed. Black goo all around the room. He moved to what he thought was the easiest Glacia. He had a shiny brown Steelix on his team and shiny Escavalier.

Try this...

Gavin's new shiny team was taking a path to Victory Road. He was thinking about all the trouble he caused by having overpowered pokemon. "No matter," He said happily as he entered the doors.

He released Frosslass from her ball. He especially looked at her purple bow and wondered that's the only change? He was feeling annoyed that that's what they did for some shinys. He wanted to break open the door with Shadow Ball and he did.

Everyone was shocked as he said "Sorry Locked." He smashed open the door to Sidney. And said freakishly "I don't want to be calm I want to make them faint!" He knew that Dark types were coming so he brought out Escavalier.

Escavalier had tons of Super Training he used all the punching bags he could. Escavalier darted and Megahorned that Absol of his. He literally looked like he broke one of Absols bones! Gavin didn't know he is overpowered he just wanted to beat the champion. Sidney was defeated as fast as the speed of light.

Gavin wanted to know everyone's weakness with all the moves his Pokemon had learned. He quickly sprinted to Pheobe and sent out his shiny pink Cofigrigus and made sure he had Trick Room and Dark Pulse. Cofigrigus was gonna kill them and he knew it. He fainted everyone with the single move Dark Pulse. Sableye was destroyed. Black goo all around the room.

He moved to what he thought was the easiest Glacia. He had a shiny brown Steelix on his team and shiny Escavalier.

See what I mean? It isn't hard, either. Just takes a little practice.

Well, good job! I really enjoyed the read. A new idea for me, I've never read anything quite like this. Or even similar, actually.

KEEP WRITING!

I'm pleased to see some Pokemon Fan-fic, to be honest! It's not very often you find people that like/know about Pokemon these days- aside from those who were from that generation. Glad to see it! Anyway, how about a review?

First things first: paragraphs exist! It would be much easy to read and you'd get far more happy reviewers if you broke up that giant wall of text- all it is is simply finding a spot where the subject chances slightly, and making a space! And then it would be way more enjoyable.

He literally looked like he broke one of Absols bones!

"Literally" is not necessary, but it did make me laugh a bit!

Sidney was defeated as fast as the speed of light.

I'd like to know a bit more about Sidney's defeat, though. That was rather fast- I'm not even sure what happened. In fact, the whole story goes by so fast and all the battles sort of blend together and I only realized exactly how many trainers he was fighting until the very end when you mentioned the Elite Four. My advice to you; take your time. Slow things down a bit, let us get to know your character some- I honestly couldn't tell you one thing about Gavin besides him beating the Elite Four, and what type of Pokemon he has.

"Welcome challenger are you here for a battle?"

One thing that could really improve this piece, is just a few commas here and there. I think I counted three commas in this entire short. Commas help your readers understand how you want your story read- or at least that's always how I've viewed them. They give pause in a sentence so that people can breathe. Someone once told me to read my works allowed, and where you naturally pause for a breath while doing so, you place a comma. That's the simplest way to figure out where commas go, and it won't always be right, but it gets you on the right track. For instance, the quote above should be something like: "Welcome, challenger. Are you here for a battle?" (actually I also added a period because I noticed that was required).

Steven finally replied "Sorry I was clearing my throat."

This was my favourite line. To be fair, I don't know who Steven is and I'm not entirely sure why he's apologizing for clearing his throat, but I like it.

Keep it up, my friend!

-Socks