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Parallel Lines

by DrLavender


Parallel Lines

By Sameer Romani

Out of reach, and yet so close

Her presence continued to enamor me

There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine

For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held

Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber

I fooled myself and fed myself a lie so beautiful I couldn’t resist

I stood hopeful and doubtful; a tragic battle of emotions

Conflicted between morality and desire, united by fire

My friends continued their persistence

It’s very wrong, I responded

She was happy, I am not

To steal such a thing would be inhumane

How could I justify to ravage youthful romance for myself

To stoop to a level devoid of value, and split a union held together

All for my own selfish desires and a will to fill in the void of insecurity

This is not right, I convinced myself as I thought it through again and again

I shall instead wallow in the rivers of solitude before swim in a sea of lies

I refused to pursue an act of great gain but no honor upon myself

And yet, I do find myself wondering

How different it could be

She was beautiful, no doubt

And I, a hopeless man in a field of misery

We spent many moments together learning our flaws

And more moments relishing in our accomplishments and dreams

How could I tell her that my biggest dream was her and no other at all

Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber

For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held

There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine

Her presence continued to enamor me

Out of reach, and yet so close


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248 Reviews


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Reviews: 248

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Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:09 pm
silented1 says...



To stoop to a level devoid of value, and split a union held together

All for my own selfish desires and a will to fill in the void of insecurity[b] PLEASE make this for all my own selfish desires. It will sound so good. Also please rewrite of insecurity. The ending of this line needs to be changed.

How could I tell her that my biggest dream was her and no other at all

Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber

For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held

There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine

Her presence continued to enamor me

Out of reach, and yet so close[b] This last stanza is beautiful. I loved it. It had clarity, and emotion and just meloncholic it was soo good. Thank you for writing this![/quote]

Over all your poem has an old world feel to it, it's written well though, without any boring things in it. Maybe it's your content. Good story, good grammar, and nice shape to the poem too. It's like it goes in waves as you read it, and as you look at the poem itself.




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248 Reviews


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Reviews: 248

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Fri Aug 09, 2019 8:04 pm
silented1 wrote a review...



By Sameer Romani

Out of reach, and yet so close

Her presence continued to enamor me

There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine

For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held This line has great flow. Keep this one in mind.

Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber

I fooled myself and fed myself a lie so beautiful I couldn’t resist This line breaks the flow you had.

I stood hopeful and doubtful; a tragic battle of emotions Maybe say doubting? The double ful makes it sound kind of bad to read. Sorry! <333333

Conflicted between morality and desire, united by fire

My friends continued their persistence




silented1 says...


It%u2019s very wrong, I responded

She was happy, I am not

To steal such a thing would be inhumane

How could I justify to ravage youthful romance for myself Try removing for myself here. It will help the flow, but ruin the shape. =[ I don't know what to tell you about that. [/quote]



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Thu Aug 08, 2019 6:46 pm
demoncat wrote a review...



Hello demoncat here for a review!

I really enjoyed this poem. It's really cute and romantic but also sad. I can really feel the emotion behind it. And the passion put into writing it. This poem truly is a work of art! I seriously loved it. And I would love it if you wrote more awesome poem like this. Please continue writing because I will most definitely be reading.




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Thu Aug 08, 2019 2:49 am
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Horisun says...



What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!




User avatar
223 Reviews


Points: 1515
Reviews: 223

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 2:49 am
View Likes
Horisun says...



What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!




User avatar
223 Reviews


Points: 1515
Reviews: 223

Donate
Thu Aug 08, 2019 2:49 am
Horisun wrote a review...



What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!





If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky