Published August 8, 2019
Parallel Lines
By Sameer Romani
Out of reach, and yet so close
Her presence continued to enamor me
There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine
For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held
Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber
I fooled myself and fed myself a lie so beautiful I couldn’t resist
I stood hopeful and doubtful; a tragic battle of emotions
Conflicted between morality and desire, united by fire
My friends continued their persistence
It’s very wrong, I responded
She was happy, I am not
To steal such a thing would be inhumane
How could I justify to ravage youthful romance for myself
To stoop to a level devoid of value, and split a union held together
All for my own selfish desires and a will to fill in the void of insecurity
This is not right, I convinced myself as I thought it through again and again
I shall instead wallow in the rivers of solitude before swim in a sea of lies
I refused to pursue an act of great gain but no honor upon myself
And yet, I do find myself wondering
How different it could be
She was beautiful, no doubt
And I, a hopeless man in a field of misery
We spent many moments together learning our flaws
And more moments relishing in our accomplishments and dreams
How could I tell her that my biggest dream was her and no other at all
Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber
For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held
There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine
Her presence continued to enamor me
Out of reach, and yet so close
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To stoop to a level devoid of value, and split a union held together
All for my own selfish desires and a will to fill in the void of insecurity[b] PLEASE make this for all my own selfish desires. It will sound so good. Also please rewrite of insecurity. The ending of this line needs to be changed.
How could I tell her that my biggest dream was her and no other at all
Her gracious smile and melodious laugh continued to prolong my slumber
For by hers, and not by mine, was another that she already held
There she stood, by my side, her hand not touching mine
Her presence continued to enamor me
Out of reach, and yet so close[b] This last stanza is beautiful. I loved it. It had clarity, and emotion and just meloncholic it was soo good. Thank you for writing this![/quote]
Over all your poem has an old world feel to it, it's written well though, without any boring things in it. Maybe it's your content. Good story, good grammar, and nice shape to the poem too. It's like it goes in waves as you read it, and as you look at the poem itself.
It%u2019s very wrong, I responded
She was happy, I am not
To steal such a thing would be inhumane
How could I justify to ravage youthful romance for myself Try removing for myself here. It will help the flow, but ruin the shape. =[ I don't know what to tell you about that. [/quote]
Hello demoncat here for a review!
I really enjoyed this poem. It's really cute and romantic but also sad. I can really feel the emotion behind it. And the passion put into writing it. This poem truly is a work of art! I seriously loved it. And I would love it if you wrote more awesome poem like this. Please continue writing because I will most definitely be reading.
What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!
What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!
What's that? A bird? A plane? It's- It's- A review incoming!
First of all, I love the flow of this poem, and the metaphors are on point! I like how the set up is, and the word choice is wonderful! Really great job!
The one thing I do think I should point out is kind of a nitpick, and a little bit just my opinion, but I think I should say it anyway, is that the last part is pretty much exactly the same thing. I do often like the first and last lines being the same, to bring the poem together, but with this many lines the same, it just feels redundant.
Other than that, absolutely wonderful poem! Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!