Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction


A Janitor's Adventure: 3.3

by ExOmelas


“And where location do you desire after?” the green being said, in something that might not have been rather mediocre Scentian. Her lips were thin and hard and clacked together when she closed them. Her rather tatty blouse and creased grey skirt gave the impression of someone who’d been on the Hub for quite some time.

“Doctoring,” Ennet said, with a curt nod. Janny presumed this meant medical, where his memories would be taken away with… he didn’t even know what with.

The green being looked him up and down, but he didn’t say anything. She must have taken that as assent, because the next thing she said was something about the third door on the right. Ennet and Grescin nodded at her, said “gratitude”, and started to lead Janny between the rows of beings and desks.

Janny stumbled. He’d forgotten to move one of his legs and fallen behind Grescin, who’d linked arms with him to lead him along. But suddenly, unbidden, the word want came into his mind. He knew what he wanted. He glanced at Grescin, who was frowning with nervous eyes at him, glancing at the ground then back up. Then he looked at Ennet, who was also frowning, but with considerably narrowed eyebrows - thick bushy eyebrows of a kind Janny had rarely seen on a Daerian of any nationality. He ran left.

Running through a crowd is usually very easy for a Daerian, even one as inexperienced with running at all as Janny. The Daerian form is so malleable that they can slip through the tiniest gaps between elbows and ribs, even slipping between legs if it comes to it. But when a Daerian is being chased by two other Daerians, then it looks more like an underwater chase of giant red eels, startling every poor trout who happens to be passing by. Unfortunately for Janny, the eels chasing him were much more experienced in the field of physical exercise.

He could hear them behind him by the shouts from the crowd. People who’d just managed to get back to their business suddenly having their clipboards knocked right out their hands, paws and claws again.

It was there, the third door on the left was right there, when he heard two distinct shouts - the only voices he’d heard for hours - right behind him. He cried out louder than he ever had before - something, something about the whole ridiculous day he’d had insisted that it shouldn’t end like this, shouldn’t be erased. He whirled around, tears springing to his eyes and chis cheeks flushing purple, as a third voice cried out. He couldn’t see Ennet and Grescin properly, not past the minty green of the being who’d done their confirmation check. She was standing right in front of Janny, between him and his pursuers.

She had her back to him and her arms spread out wide.

“Now listen here! Maybe you didn’t understand me before so I’ll try Endoleon, much better than my Scentian!” the green being snapped. Janny breathed a sigh of relief to hear a familiar language. “I asked you if this being consented to the memory treatment and gave them a chance to object. Oh, don’t tell me, they don’t speak Scentian at all!”

“Might as well not…” Ennet muttered.

“Hush!” The being raised a stiff index finger. “Confirmation revoked! Please proceed to the nearest holding room. Ironically this can also be found down a corridor through the door third on your right!

The being’s voice reached a piercing pitch at the end of her proclamation, and her whole arm went stiff, pointing all the way towards the other side of the hall.

Ennet sighed the most bored sigh Janny had heard yet. Grescin bit into her lip and looked down at her side. Janny heard a tap-tapping sound but the green being’s body was in the way. Still, he was sure he knew what it would be.

“Oh for pity’s sake,” the green being muttered. She produced a tiny black square from her skirt pocket and clicked an even tinier black button in the centre of it. A bright circle of blue emanated outwards, causing a beam of light to flash up towards the ceiling directly above where Ennet’s gun probably was.

“Well,” Grescin said, clapping her hands together, “That is a pretty nice radius disabler. What do you say, En, holding rooms?”

Ennet said nothing, but hung his head and turned away. Grescin waited behind as he walked off.

“Do you resist?” the green being asked, leaning forward to tower over Grescin.

Grescin peeped her head out to catch Janny’s gaze. “No. Just… fair play, Janny.”

“Fair… fair play,” Janny said, his voice thin and shaky.

Grescin nodded and followed Ennet swiftly through the crowd, which had now come to a standstill to watch the day’s drama. The green being turned back to Janny.

“My name is Odela. Please tell me you speak Endoleon,” she said, the stiffness of her posture dissolving as the crowd started to go back to its business.

Janny spoke a little louder to make sure he was heard over the renewed buzz of conversation. “I’m Fladian. But yes, I am fluent in Endoleon.”

Odela gasped, then smiled. She said in Fladerian, “My brother-in-law is Fladian! I don’t suppose you know Upumsel Grieng?”

Janny focused on getting his breathing back to normal as Oleda led him through the third door on the left. He’d got what he wanted; he could relax. Well, what he’d wanted was to lie back on the window of the Scentians’ craft and see what he could see outside, but he’d settle for the third door on the left.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
274 Reviews


Points: 22619
Reviews: 274

Donate
Sun Sep 08, 2019 3:15 pm
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @DougalOfBiscuits I am here to do a review, I'm really sorry that this review took so long. I'm just going to jump right into this one.

Okay first, thing, I'm not sure if its just me, but this chapter seems a bit short, I just want to ask why you mad it a little shorter. But there is nothing wrong with that, okay here me out there is nothing wrong with it being short.
*try's to move on*

So again, I loved the start to the chapter its great. the description is spun tack you lea.

“Doctoring,” Ennet said, with a curt nod. Janny presumed this meant medical, where his memories would be taken away with… he didn’t even know what with.


For some reason all I mostly want to say is pure Janny, Lol, also I'm really sorry to only just tell you this, you do not have to change it if you don't think you have to, but I have been think about Janny's name, it was just the spelling that bothered my sorry, I think you spell it like this.

Janny< Jany

This is a simple change, but hey you don't have to listen to me at all, about it, I also never said anything about his but I'm kind of fascinated of what is going to happen with the green being. I really feel like things are starting to really get moving with the plot. I just cannot wait to get the next chapter. *sighs* but have to wait. :(
*Takes Brake**then comes back*

I'm okay now, I just really love your chapters, your great at writing I don't want you to ever stop writing. oh and just to tell you Ennet is still my favorite character.

Okay so just a small but quick maybe quick thing. I was trying to figer out Odela and Janny's talk that they were having at the end of the chapter, but I was a little confused of what was going on, I mean was there diffrenet language or something, it just did not seam very clear that's all.

So that is all that I can say about this chapter. If I was being to harsh picky or un helpful then I am really sorry pleas forgive, and don't hesitate to tell me if I am. So keep up the great work your writing is the best to read. I liked this chapter. I look forward to the next! :D

I hope you have a great Day/Night

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews




User avatar
302 Reviews


Points: 18713
Reviews: 302

Donate
Thu Sep 05, 2019 11:02 pm
View Likes
Liberty wrote a review...



Heya Biscuits!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review for RevMo. Let's get started, now, shall we? Alright!

So, I haven't really read much, so if I say something that makes my review sound like I don't have a clue about your story, then forgive me. _/\_

Great chapter here! :smt023

The description you've got is amazing. I can feel the tension that's around Janny. And, that green being, lol, she's a weirdo. I don't know why -- but I find her hilarious. I guess since she's called "the green being"? XD

Okie.

Janny is being taken somewhere he doesn't want to go and he tried to escape but then he's caught and is taken to the third door on the left. Interesting. I don't exactly know what he's escaping from. All I know is that there's some memory treatment that's going to happen. Maybe add a bit more on what's happening, in case your reader forgets what happened before. (Yeah, they can read it from the previous chapters and figure it out themselves, but ya know, just in case. ;) )

Well anyways, I hope this review helped, and I can't wait to see more from you in the future. Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever! (:

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty





What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
— Albert Pines