Here's a song I wrote. The concept is still a bit unclear even to myself, but it's basically about fitting in and my personal girl troubles. Hope you'll enjoy it.
Verse 1
God like emotions
I can’t believe the scorched ground
I see the ashes and rope ends
I don’t believe they’re there
Unoriginality’s my forte, as you will soon see
And by love and not force, you’ll drift away
To close to me, you won’t get too far
When I see you crying through my door ajar
Pre-chorus
Can you hear my heart beat?
Can you feel my brain pulse?
Do you believe in me?
Because I don’t
Chorus
Stretch the boundaries, mixed and tainted
I burn myself to get there but regret it as I arrive
I see the rope ends once again
This time, again, I managed to survive
I create a boundary, thin but strong
I forge my own nightmares, where I belong
I kill the Queen, I know it’s wrong
I feel the love, but turn away, scorned.
Interlude
How do you not…
I feel so wrong…
You make me feel…
I don’t belong…
And you’ll make my hell…
Just as you made my heaven…
And you’ll cut my eight…
Right down to seven!
Ending
Tainted I survive
Painted I strive
For better or worse, prove me wrong
Prove to me, I still belong.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is very unique and not at all cliche... good job, it's refreshing to see an original "relationship" song; they start to seem all petty much the same after a while. I didn't completely understand this, but I really liked it. It has nice, subtle rhyme and some really kewl images. :thumb:
hey that was interesting...
i wonder what it would sound like as a song..like what the rythm..
Thanks. I get where you're coming from too. Looking back, it needs revision.
Thanks and excuse my stupidity for posting it in the wrong section.
Songs go to the 'lyrics' section...
There were some rough lines, such as:
When I see you crying through my door ajar
You could tell it was forced, but I guess with beat/rhythm you don't really notice these things.
And you’ll cut my eight…
Right down to seven!
Am I missing something? I don't know... this seemed like a silly line. Unless there's some point I'm missing for it...
It was all right, besides some funny lines, but no one really notices it during songs.