Published October 26, 2011
Ever had a dream that felt so real?
A dream, where you could feel his fingertips on your skin,
His arms hugging you around your waist and his lips on yours?
The dream where you didn’t want to wake up,
You didn’t want to move, you didn’t want to come back to reality?
You want to stay asleep,
So you can feel his touch one more time.
His hot breath on your ear as he whispers your name.
You want to feel his hand go down your spine,
And for a minute you think he’s all mine.
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Canary word: Present
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,340 Reviews
Lol those kind of dreams are crappy XP This review will be kind of short because I don't have a lot to say XD I liked it and it was sweet and depressing at the same time XD I didn't see any typos so congratulations on that! Keep writing! Sorry, I know this isn't really helpful but I don't really know what else to say XD
-qaralynn-
I really like this poem; its short and sweet but gets the point across just as well. I also like the feeling of waking-up-from-an-absolutely-awesome-dream-and-regretting-it-later that you are trying to convey.
I noticed only one mishap in the tense-use:
Either you can change the "wanted" to "want", or change "can" to "could"-- but since the rest of the stanza is the present tense, I would go for the first one.
Other than that, this poem is really awesome.
How I wish I had this dream but it never came T_T. Anyways, I liked this and I think what you said was brief and simple and it you didn't have to go on and on about what you said. You prepared this really nicely and that's all I got to say Lol. Have a nice time on YWS and keep writing.