On The Edges - Final Part Completed Short Story)

by DomTheDumb

Published September 3, 2026

18+ Language

In On The Edges

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

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V.Y. 673

There was a dream once, Svari understood now. That dream had died in the darkness down below. In violence. They’d scribbled messages as they died – for there were hundreds of bodies. Svari couldn’t read, of course. Reading was forbidden him and all others of the 4 tribes. Reading, he was told, had brought “It” about.

But he understood the dream, because the Old Ones spoke as he did. They’d left messages.

There was a world that they were flying to, though Svari didn’t understand what “world” was. Maybe it was like the vessel? But bigger? Maybe worlds had open skies? Maybe they didn’t have starlight? Svari would never know, because they would never reach it in his lifetime, he understood from those messages.

The last plant in his tribe had died just last sleep. He hadn’t seen the other tribes for some time – they were far away in the vessel.

Svari lay down, for he was tired. His bones ached. He was in the much forbidden “down” now, and the darkness had swallowed him. Above, far above, he could see the skies and the stars. The light reached him still, though it was slight. There were corpses around him, in old clothes he’d never seen.

Svari closed his eyes, and let the starlight entomb him as he breathed his last, The Humming God rocking him to sleep as though he were still a child.

The CS Amisos was still 353 lightyears away from Svarg-A.

V.Y. 4, 2657 A.D.

“Don’t be a damn fool, Charlie,” Mr. Stick bellowed across the meeting room. Outside their window, another Odyssey-Class puttered into the sky. “45 ships are ready to launch, and we’ve already sent off 7. I have no time for your committee’s revised advice. Or your committee’s, Henry!”

Charlie was in charge of Constellation’s Ethics Advisory Board. Henry headed their Drive Engineering Department.

“But sir!” Henry, a slight man of Chinese descent, tried again to plead his case. “New evidence has emerged! The Mythology Class that we’re developing has stellar engines that will reach Svarg-A by the time the Amisos is just about a decade into her voyage. There is no point. We should recall her now, and scrap the Odyssey program.” Charlie shook his head as Henry spoke. He had recognised long ago what Henry was too much of an idealist to see; Stick was never going to concede.

Stick, a well-built South African, was the Head of Launches and he answered only the CEO.

“Don’t give me that shit, Henry. We don’t even know when the first Mythology will launch, and Constellation needs the Odyssey launches to go well if we’re going to launch the Mythologies at all! And you!” Stick pointed a finger at Charlie. “I don’t want to hear another damn thing about the Ship Operations’ Directives. The fuck do you suggest we do? Send them some more habs? More synthesisers? No, I think the fuck not, not when the Amisos and the Miletus and the Ephesus are at almost 0.9 Light, and the others are at 0.5. Even if we wanted to, which, let me be crystal fucking clear, I do not, we cannot.”

There was silence in the board room for a moment.

“Your initial assessment was that the Odyssey classes’ social structure is well designed. That is the fucking assessment I am going to stick with.”

Charlie sighed. There was nothing to be done. If he was right, then the consequences wouldn’t materialise until long after he was dead and it wasn’t worth losing his job over. If he was wrong, it definitely wasn’t worth losing his job over.

Stick sighed and sat down. He breathed in and out for a few seconds, and nursed his whiskey.

“Look, gentlemen,” he invited them to sit, and they did. “I apologise for shouting, but we cannot scrap the program, and we certainly cannot recall the ships. For one, the Mythology program is dead in the water if we waver now. The London Committee is already debating cutting our funding – and we don’t want them to lord the London Space Treaty over us.” The London Committee had been set up in 2525 by the League of Spacefaring Nations as the primary oversight board for human spaceflight, and Charlie knew that they were looking to shut down private space exploration.

“For another, we are the only people who take interstellar travel seriously. Svarg-A is one thing – I know it’s a thousand lightyears away. But we were the first to send people to Alpha Centauri. We beat the LOSN! No one has beaten a government agency on something like that, ever, and LOSN is still playing catch-up,” Henry seemed becalmed by this. Engineers, Charlie fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“I know that if the Mythology classes launch, they’ll be there millennia before the Odyssey classes even get close enough to start their decel burns. But that doesn’t happen, that cannot happen, until we get enough Odysseys into space. And if the Mythology launches don’t happen, then at least we have the Odysseys to fall back on.” Stick, when calm, was extremely agreeable.

Charlie nodded. Not worth getting sacked, Charlie old boy, he reminded himself.

The CS Amisos was still 1017 lightyears away from Svarg-A.

V.Y. 1248

Two figures, ant-like against the massive and elegant silhouette of the generation ship, observed her rusting hulk. She’d landed perfectly and deployed all the automated systems designed to get the colonists started. Still, there was no sign of life.

“Reckon she ended up like the other Odyssey classes?” one of them remarked, inching forward, as if afraid the ship would come alive.

“Looks like it,” the other shone her torch against the hull. “Amisos… huh…”

“What?”

“Wasn’t that the first one that the Constellation Company launched?”

The other explorer flipped through her infodeck. “Well, would you look at that. Yes, she was!” She looked up at the behemoth. “I thought she was supposed to have reached Svarg-A safely. What’s she doing here?” They were on Sthan-B III – a backwater planet home only to gambling dens and sandstorms.

“Probably all dead, I suppose,” the first explorer sighed.

“Wouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Pity.”

“Is it though? I mean,” the second explorer shrugged, “they knew what they were getting into when they signed up to sail aboard her.”

“Still, they had such hopes and dreams, and plans for paradise! Now… they’re just… dust.” The wind blew the sand around them into a tiny frenzy, sending lonely grains of sand whipping in fury against their exosuits.

They regarded the ship for a moment longer. The second explorer surged forward, uncaring. “Yeah, these Odyssey classes have great salvage, come on. Maybe we can get those old keychips! Tev always pays a premium for those. You want a real pity? The pity is we don’t use keychips anymore.”

The first explorer stood still, mesmerised by the Amisos’s failure. She couldn’t find the words she wanted to say, no... salvage would have to do. She looked up at the sky one last time before being consumed by the shadow of the ship, and in the night sky she saw the burning blue dot that was the Svarg system. Svarg-A was now home to a sprawling metropolis and satellite cities.

“It really is a pity,” the first explorer mumbled to herself, but followed her friend. “Come on, though. Maybe we can find some of those old circuit boards. I know museums in the Svarg system that will pay a pretty penny for that.”

So, saying, they ascended into the bowels of the ship, whence came a blast of ancient tinned air and out tumbled skeletons of old. The explorers continued their ascent unbothered, though the second rolled her eyes.

“Always the same,” she remarked with a bored sigh.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Aislynn
Review
Aislynn wrote a review Review · Sep 10

Hey again! You were right that this does reveal a lot! I was not expecting that the tragedy may have been avoidable from the beginning, or at least known to be a likely failure by people who chose not to care enough. Very fun twist!

I have a few questions about the content that I felt were unanswered, or vague:
1.) What, exactly, is the Amisos story trying to leave the reader believing? Is the worst tragedy that Vishta was right but failed, that Vishta was right but incomplete, or that no 'moral principle' can survive unchanged?
2.) What did Vishta actually change? Did he liberate the Outliers, or did he only create a new issue that later institutions used to justify themselves? Or... is both possible?
3.) What happened between V.Y. 351 and V.Y. 614? That gap feels intentionally vast, but why?
4.) How much does the outside world know about the Odyssey failures? By V.Y. 1248, what do people KNOW about them? And why?

I got a little stuck on the dates in this one. I think that the chronology and navigation reveal may need some extra clarity. I go from Svari dying when the Amisos is still 353 lightyears from Svarg-A, then back to V.Y. 4, then forward to V.Y. 1248 where the ship has landed on Sthan-B III, with Svarg-A visible as a blue dot. That is fantastic irony, but I did wonder how the ship ended up there. Did the Amisos malfunction and land on the wrong planet? You jump very quickly from idea to idea with little support.

I also love the salvage scene, but it comes off too dismissive? You have one explorer who sees the pity of it and another who only sees value in keychips and circuit boards. That contrast is good! I might deepen the first explorer just a little more. Your other characters have SO MUCH depth, but these ones do not seem to have that same energy. The second explorer can still be bored though, since I like what that contrast says. In fact, their boredom would become BETTER if the first explorer is much different from them.

I’d also think about cultural drift. Since this covers centuries, the society aboard the Amisos should probably mutate in way stranger ways. That is a long time to remain the same! The story already starts doing this with terms like "deadliner," "The Humming God," and the later mythic sense of "down," which I really like. I’d love even more of that! How does language change after hundreds of years without a planet? How do children understand Earth? Do people still believe in “morning” and “night” when both are artificial?

For revision, I think I’d focus less on adding more plot and more on sharpening what you already have, which is very full. What exactly repeats across generations? What changes? I don't mean to encourage you to turn this into a novel, buuuut >.> It has a lot of novel vibes! It is so hard to contain so much time in a shorter piece.

I hope this is useful :D This was totally worth the read!

Aislynn

DomTheDumb replied · Sep 10

Just gonna quickly answer your q's first:
1- What, exactly, is the Amisos story trying to leave the reader believing? Is the worst tragedy that Vishta was right but failed, that Vishta was right but incomplete, or that no 'moral principle' can survive unchanged?
No to the first, yes to the second and third. I come from India, a land born of great moral principle. Great men and great women, thinkers and moralists and ethicists, built our modern country. Now, it is a place that if anyone were to call a shithole, I'd be hard-pressed to defend. That impacts quite a lot of what I wrote here about the decay of moral principle. So Vishta didn't fail, in any way. He succeeded. Others failed him.

2- What did Vishta actually change? Did he liberate the Outliers, or did he only create a new issue that later institutions used to justify themselves? Or... is both possible?
Both!

3- What happened between V.Y. 351 and V.Y. 614? That gap feels intentionally vast, but why?
It's one of those places where I was like "hmm... another vignette of societal collapse? Why not just let the reader fill in the gaps? Societies rose, and fell, and rose again, but it was all forgotten within a few standard human lifetimes, for nothing can be sustained in a system designed to be unsustainable... eh people will get it!".

4- How much does the outside world know about the Odyssey failures? By V.Y. 1248, what do people KNOW about them? And why?
Depends on who we're talking about. But some know a lot, others know nothing. A few Odyssey classes survived, but... a tale for another time, eh?

Now, just something I wanted to add.
This is also, in a round-about way, a critique of capitalism. I don't want to be too straightforward, even in my discussion about it, but is that clear?

Also, a general question:
How's my writing? My style, my prose, my cadence? Any improvements to be made there, or just... general refinements?

I’d also think about cultural drift. Since this covers centuries, the society aboard the Amisos should probably mutate in way stranger ways. That is a long time to remain the same! The story already starts doing this with terms like "deadliner," "The Humming God," and the later mythic sense of "down," which I really like. I’d love even more of that! How does language change after hundreds of years without a planet? How do children understand Earth? Do people still believe in “morning” and “night” when both are artificial?

I'm a historian, and all I did while writing this was think about cultural drift. I kept wanting to write more detail about societal breakdown and change, but I held myself back because I thought it was getting complicated enough without it lol! Do you think there's space for stuff like that?

I don't mean to encourage you to turn this into a novel, buuuut >.> It has a lot of novel vibes! It is so hard to contain so much time in a shorter piece.

Guess I'm doing a novella

User avatar
4revgreen
Review
4revgreen wrote a review Review · Sep 7

Okay, a much shorter review for these last few vignettes!

It's a nice ending, but it doesn't pack the punch it could do. I don't really know why. I like that the mission failed, and the scavengers are picking through the remains of the ship. I guess because it spanned so long, I stopped caring about the people on board back when Vishta died, oops. The prose here is very nice, but it feels a bit like an afterthought to me. I do think even as a sci-fi generational epic, it could do with spanning a bit less time, because all that decay inside the ship kinda happens over and over and i only cared about the story you spent so much time building up at the start of the first part; that was really very compelling, and the rest is sort of unneeded for me. I guess others can disagree with me on that though! I just think the sort of story you wanted to tell got sidetracked when you killed Vishta off, and became the same thing. It would work for say, a TV show maybe, where it can have more room to breath, but way too much is crammed in. Like, this should be a novel, not a short story! Honestly, if this was a novel and each vignette a developed chapter, I would buy it in a heartbeat! Don't feel disheartened though, it's still really good and was fun to read, and has a lot of potential!

Observations whilst reading:

But he understood the dream, because the Old Ones spoke as he did. They’d left messages.


Like Lip said below, how did he understand? They left recorded messages, perhaps? Just a little explanation -- or better, a scene of him hearing the messages -- could fix this small understanding!

There also doesn't need to be a comma after dream

There was a world that they were flying to, though Svari didn’t understand what “world” was. Maybe it was like the vessel? But bigger? Maybe worlds had open skies? Maybe they didn’t have starlight? Svari would never know, because they would never reach it in his lifetime, he understood from those messages.


I love this idea that it's been so long they don't even know why they are there any more! The last line could be a little less complex and more active:
Svari would never know. He understood from the messages that they would never reach it in his lifetime.

There were corpses around him, in old clothes he’d never seen.


I'd love to know how he describes them. I assume this is the SynthFibres (i cant remember if thats the exact name oops) so what would he be wearing now? It would characterise him a little.

Svari closed his eyes, and let the starlight entomb him as he breathed his last, The Humming God rocking him to sleep as though he were still a child.


Nice that the humming is back! But I'll be honest, I don't care too much for this death. Svari wasn't really characteristed enough for me, but this is a really nice line.

Charlie was in charge of Constellation’s Ethics Advisory Board. Henry headed their Drive Engineering Department.


I feel like you could show this information by developing the dialogue, rather than tell

The Mythology Class that we’re developing has stellar engines that will reach Svarg-A by the time the Amisos is just about a decade into her voyage.


ooooo... interesting. So they could have stopped this whole thing ten years in?? bruh

“For another, we are the only people who take interstellar travel seriously. Svarg-A is one thing – I know it’s a thousand lightyears away. But we were the first to send people to Alpha Centauri. We beat the LOSN! No one has beaten a government agency on something like that, ever, and LOSN is still playing catch-up,” Henry seemed becalmed by this. Engineers, Charlie fought the urge to roll his eyes.


This is a good way to build world-building without telling, i like it.

Image

DomTheDumb replied · Sep 7

"Like, this should be a novel, not a short story!"

Unfortunately, for me, I agree...

Trouble is, I already have a completed novel I'm editing. 132k words, written in about 3-ish months. Draft 3 ongoing.

Not to mention the novella and novelette I'm writing. Not to mention my full time job!

Oh dear... XD

But I think I'll push this up to 20k words instead of the 9k that it is. Give all the new characters more... Time. More space. Maybe add in the descriptions I omitted!

4revgreen replied · Sep 7

i think that would really help it! But for a first draft, it definitely lays all the groundwork. I am on 70k of my novel, and have to finish it before my PhD starts in .... 2 weeks (aaahh) and within that PhD i am writing another novel. It's an endless cycle. You can always put it on the back burner, and when you get to it, you have all the reviews you've gathered here to help. Don't put pressure to edit it when you're already doing a lot of other stuff!

4revgreen replied · Sep 7

also, don't restrict yourself to a word count if you don't need to! I find it can dampen big ideas if it's not a short story. If it's a WIP i'd keep it open :)

DomTheDumb replied · Sep 7

Yup yup. Think I might post ch.1 of my novel here though. I need feedback and only like my closest friends and family have read it. I love 'em, but they can't be objective 😭

4revgreen replied · Sep 7

Oo please do!!

DomTheDumb replied · Sep 8

Ch.1 is up ;)

User avatar
vulpesvelox
Review
vulpesvelox wrote a review Review · Sep 7

Hello again! :mrgreen:

Svari closed his eyes, and let the starlight entomb him as he breathed his last, The Humming God rocking him to sleep as though he were still a child.

The CS Amisos was still 353 lightyears away from Svarg-A.

I really like this ending for Svari! I like it because it brings together nearly everything associated with the ship: the darkness, the starlight and The Hum, but all of those things have changed meaning by this point. The Hum started as something mechanical and oppressive, then became comforting, and now Svari understands it as a god while dying beside people who actually knew what the ship was. I also think putting the distance immediately afterwards makes his death feel even bleaker because after all these centuries and everything we've seen happen, they're still hundreds of lightyears away

The only thing I'd clarify is how Svari understands the Old Ones' messages if he can't read. You say they "spoke as he did" and then that he'd understood from those messages that he wouldn't reach the world in his lifetime, so I wasn't sure whether there are recordings, symbols he can interpret or somebody has previously explained parts of them to him.

"Your initial assessment was that the Odyssey classes’ social structure is well designed. That is the fucking assessment I am going to stick with."

Charlie sighed. There was nothing to be done. If he was right, then the consequences wouldn’t materialise until long after he was dead and it wasn’t worth losing his job over. If he was wrong, it definitely wasn’t worth losing his job over.

I love this! It's so interesting to suddenly meet the people who could potentially have prevented some of it and the answer is basically bureaucracy, funding and cowardice. I like that much more than making the company obviously evil. Stick is also interesting because his argument isn't completely nonsensical, either. He believes the Odyssey program is necessary to secure the technology that will eventually replace it, which makes the whole thing feel like people being sacrificed to progress while everyone involved finds a practical reason not to call it that. That is great for the final stretch of the story!

"Always the same," she remarked with a bored sigh.

Woot woot! What an ending! I especially think the fact Svarg-A is already a thriving civilisation makes it even worse. The original dream succeeded, just not for these people.

***

I think this part completes the larger idea really well because it makes the Amisos's entire history feel more unnecessary without making the earlier story meaningless, like how generations genuinely fought over what they thought was the right way to survive. Then, it is learned that faster ships were already being developed only four voyage years after the Amisos launched. Uh oh! That's a crazy reveal because the people aboard spend more than a thousand years treating Svarg-A as the end destination while humanity elsewhere has technologically surpassed them. I especially like that the ship doesn't even reach it!

The thing I like most about the whole story now is how history continually changes meaning depending on who is looking at it. I think your worldbuilding is amazing! I think that's why the final paragraphs works so well. I find it so miserable (in a positive way!) to spend all this time watching a civilisation form inside one ship only for history to eventually reduce it to "great salvage." Great, great ending!

Cheers!

Lip

DomTheDumb replied · Sep 7

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed :)



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