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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Singing birds

by Dolchon


Why did I come to the woods? I went past the meadows and fields of green just to be satisfied by something darker...A movement not a big movement but just a shadow that past me one day .It felt as if it had a mind, a story, a life.

As I was walking in that forest weeks later I wasn’t scared, only curios to meet my supposed new friend...a darkness. It lead me past trees that had faces that would stare at you to see whether you were a friend or a foe ...I dare not think what would happen to me if it wasn’t meant to be here with the shadow. I was walking with the darkness when suddenly I saw what I thought was a statue of a man with a black hood looking down. I look under the hood and with shock I realise that the man was blindfolded with a bloody towel over his eyes. I thought nothing of it but that was only then. Eventually the shadow took me through a cave with what seemed no life in it and when I came out the other side it was night it had only been 20 minutes or so. As I came out of the cave to this shock I could hear multiple childish laughs that felt trapped in a world of eternal sadness. At this moment I said to myself “the eternal forest of sorrow…” After what felt like days of travelling with my friend I saw an opening to the ongoing woods. As I came closer the opening, my friend, disappeared and then I saw it a field taken up by souls drifting slowly with lifeless white eyes. And then I woke up.

I woke up to find myself not where I fell asleep but in a dark room filled with paintings of deceased royals and house owners. As I left that room I came to a corridor with no visible end and endless doors which lead to heaven knows where. I decided to enter one of the rooms...I open the door of which creaked like that was its one purpose and then I see him. The same statue of which I saw before, but it was moving and walking around in circles quietly and whispering these words “why am I blind to not see what is true?” He repeated these words slowly getting louder and louder until he stopped and looked at me...Then he laughed and walked towards me. I slammed the door and ran. Then I saw him again but on the other side of the corridor looking up now with his blindfolded eyes, staring at me with a smile on his face. I ran the other way...I kept on running, for days, for hours through forests. I was alone. Alone with no shadow to keep me company, not even my own. I lied down and fell in to a nightmare. “Mother what is for dinner?” The answer was as same as always... unsatisfactory. Then I was awoken to the forest again. The encounter with the statue felt like centuries ago...Maybe it was? Who knows? Well I knew one thing then I need to get out of the woods. It was three days of scavenging later, I was walking in what I thought was north when I heard the sound.

It was the sound of a deep echoed humming trapped from normal ears. It was my friend. I knew the tune he was humming...The rhyme if I remember correctly was this “There are cemeteries that are lonely,

graves full of bones that do not make a sound,

the heart moving through a tunnel,

in its darkness, darkness, darkness,

like a shipwreck we die going into ourselves,

as though we were drowning inside our hearts,

as though we lived falling out of the skin into the soul.

I didn’t know what it meant but I doubt it was a sign of good luck to come. Then suddenly out of nowhere dozens of other shadows appeared and hummed the tune over and over again. It gave me hope. I was walking with the shadows for days when I woke up. Again in the woods for where wish not to be at that time. I was no longer afraid to face my fears to enter the house of a thousand doors.

I wanted to see the hooded man who haunted me and scared my friend away. The shadows seem to go and come as they please. I have now been wandering through these woods or forest for what feels like centuries. I have come to a darker part of the woods. A part where the trees spiral and twist and the animals have red eyes where you can’t tell if they are looking through you, past you, or at you. I don’t know if everything is real or not. I thought it was a Friday. If it was then right now I would be having tea and honey and listening to the birds sing 


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35 Reviews


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Tue Jan 30, 2018 4:07 pm
wendylau98 wrote a review...



Hey ya,
Dropping by here for a quick review, I may not be the best writer or grammar nazi or the best reviewer, but I'll have a short review on your master piece. You may PM me or comment on my works if you wish contact to me regarding on what I said. Or you can give me a gift, like my works, read my works or anything you see fit! Just don't hunt me down or haunt my nightmares.

So hope my short review is a short review.!

I look under the hood and with shock I realise that the man was blindfolded with a bloody towel over his eyes. (rephrase, It was not really smooth to read it.) --> I look under the hood just to realize that the man was blindfolded with...

night it had only been 20 minutes or so. ..> a night, but it had only been

and then I saw it a field (please rephrase. I can't get it part)

with his blindfolded eyes, staring at me --> as if staring at me. He's blind folded...

lied down and fell.. --> I lay down and fell

The answer was as same as always... unsatisfactory. (rephrase, I can't get it)

forest or woods? Forest sounds friendlier like Snowhite fantasy forest. Woods gave a more dark cynical feeling to it. Stick to one and let the story flow with dark intention.

So, dark fantasy is one of my favourite genre to read. It gave of a day nightmare feeling that can't seem to shake off after reading it!
Love your production, i wonder why the shadows are there and what does the statue man plays it's role.

Thanks!
Hope to see you again!




Dolchon says...


thankyou those really help



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Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:18 pm
lelu wrote a review...



Hi! Firstly, welcome to Young Writers Society. Secondly, I very much like this. It's definitely reminiscent of Edgar Allan Poe. I have no problems with the plot, but it's not even clear what's happening. She's walking through the woods, goes to the world of the dead or whatever it is, and then she wakes up. Now she's in the house of a thousand doors, and then she runs from the blindfolded dude and somehow gets into the forest again and runs through that. She falls asleep and dreams about her mother. Then she wakes up and keeps wandering and meets the shadows. She travels with them and then wakes up in the woods. Isn't she already in the woods? (The sentence "Again in the woods for where wish not to be at that time" is extremely confusing.) After she wakes up in the woods again, she wants to go to the house of a thousand doors, but for some reason she's wandering through a darker part of the woods instead. There's nothing wrong with a good mystery, but I can't tell what's a dream and what's real. This would be fine, except that some things are both in a dream and in reality. I don't blame you for the grammar errors, since you wrote this in an hour, but you could break up your paragraphs more. Lastly, I liked this. It seems like a fevered dream, and it probably is.




Dolchon says...


Doesnt everyone sometimes like a bit of nonsense :)



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Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:31 am
Dolchon says...



The story itself is an extraordinary volume of a piece that I have been working on for a while now. The story is based on a girl wondering through the woods own her own. What could possibly go wrong in this story. The book has many Easter eggs from writing successes such as dantes inferno and over the garden wall which is a cartoon based on Dantes inferno (I highly recommend you go and read it because it is filled with mystery and at some points even though it is made for kids its quite scary.) The story does contain some mature content but nothing that is disturbing or harrowing. The story isn’t much but it’s a worth while read with some scare and some fright. The piece originally was typed and based upon many fictional stories like Frankenstein, Dracula and the castle of otranto which I recommend you read because if you read them and then read my stories you will understand my piece more. The piece was done in a time space of 1 hour so there maybe some spelling mistakes and if there are any please point them out to me and I will change them as soon as possible. The piece was done on my own accord which basically meant I did it In the lunch hour. I was writing this story at the same time my friend was writing his story called lost which explores the mind of a sociopath

trapped in an elevator with a bomb in his bag! Anyway I would really appreciate it if you could give me a review of some sort. Maybe if you ae feeling nice you could hit the star in the corner because every time you do that it makes me feel great. Also if you are the best person in the world you could donate some points!

The structure of my story is very unorganised but as you will find in many gothic books that is the way they are written. One more thing The title is called singing birds because of the last line which Is like a flashback. If you have any fan theories or art maybe you could send them to me. That would be great. Thank you so much! The rest of what i am writing now is simply just to have enough to get points.!




Radrook says...


You have a donation of 200 points from me.



Radrook says...


Also I a star hit!



Dolchon says...


thankyou so much!



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Sat Jan 27, 2018 5:51 pm
Emberly wrote a review...



I don't think this quite qualifies as a short story. Where's the plot? What's the point of reading this? The girl is in a forest, then in a house of some sort, then she's back in the forest and it ends. There's no substance. I want to see a story unfold in the the forest, I want to know why these strange things are happening. It's not mysterious if there is absolutely no plotline to follow. It's just confusing.

There's a lot of distancing going on from the reader and the main character. There's a lot of "I saw this", "This happens", "When I woke up", "As I did this" etc, etc. This type of style is extremely unengaging to read and often comes across as very childish. If you want to draw your reader in you need to write things as they are happening, not slow things down by saying things like, "I woke up to find myself not where I fell asleep but in a dark room filled with paintings of deceased royals and house owners." Don't say 'I woke up to find myself', that it was very boring way to start a sentence. You could say, "I woke up. The dark room around me was filled with paintings of deceased royals and house owners--definitely not the place I'd fallen asleep." This example is much more personal and draws the reader in.

You also need to go through this and spellcheck everything, as well as put a few extra commas in places. You should also cut down on your paragraphs. They are way too big and it makes reading difficult. I'm not saying you need to cut any words, just space it out so that it's correctly formatted.

I think you do have an interesting concept here with the dark forest and the house and the animals with the red eyes, it was just executed poorly. You need to slow down and take the time to turn this into a full story. Right now it just feels like you're glossing over all the interesting parts.




Dolchon says...


the whole point is that is that it has no point its meant to not make sense and leave you in mystery. Do you have any good points?!?!? I also disagree because if you understood gothic literature you would understand ths



Emberly says...


A story that doesn't make sense and has no point does not leave the reader in mystery. That's not how it works. Every story has to have a point otherwise it's not a story.

I have not read "gothic literature", but I'd bet it has a point.



Dolchon says...


you should have some respect for different styles of writing and maybe just accept my opinion!



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Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:39 pm
Dolchon says...






Po5eidon says...


I know you are my friend and all, but at least review a work that is not your own just to get points. You could do the same but help someone as well. -_- (Sorry)



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Fri Jan 26, 2018 2:15 pm
Po5eidon wrote a review...



THIS SEEMS SO DARK! What does the title have to do with it? I just want you to know something, and seeing as I am sitting next to you right now (Literally), I want to be harsh! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!

First things first. You need to use less descriptive words. There are just too many, making everything dense and hard to read. It's like a full on banquet that one person has to eat. Try to make it a meal perfect for one.

Next: "I went past the meadows and fields of green just to be satisfied by something darker..."
You need to add a coma here, to make it "I went past the meadows and fields of green, just to be satisfied by something darker..."

Add a coma here also "A movement not a big movement but just a shadow that past me one day ." make it this: "A movement, not a big movement, but just a shadow that past me one day ."Also here, past should be passed.

Curios should be curious. Mind your spelling.

Personally I think "It lead me past trees that had faces" should be changed to "It lead me past trees, trees that had faces"

"When suddenly" = "When suddenly,"

"why am I blind to not see what is true?" = "Why am I blind to not see what is true?"




Dolchon says...


HI friend from school (mwahahaha)! The title is to do with the last line of the story (if you read that far!) on the other tips thanks!



Po5eidon says...


Ok, but I would make the story have something more to the story than just the last line. Seeing as you said you wanted it to be gothic, I suggest you make it have a darker meaning



Dolchon says...


hi




Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)