In lands where shrieks of flint ping through clouded skies of steel,
Some of higher power with marbled skin of ichor unite the shadows,
The joyous full of faith march to be cloaked among revered,
Pillars of light and shadows dance and wraith the holy grounds,
And sands of time erode askew the tombs as the death knells ring,
Read in steadfast, that stone crested plate which holds the hymnal of the fallen,
“My name is Icarus, among men I am an angel,
King of the wilds where they recite my title with lament, as I flew higher than all else,
I shall show you the way to above as sure as the dawn's bells ring,
Rejoice, o’ despaired, your viscera is spared, as the fire that pours will have nothing to prevent.”
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi there! here to give this piece some Green Room love!
Whoa. This is so cool. I don't even know how to describe it except that this feels like the intro of some sort of sci-fi or fantasy show where we don't know exactly what's going on but it feels important, life-changing even, sort of like Lord of the Rings opening Monologue, or the intro to the old Prince Valiant animated show.
I love the language style you use in this, especially when the topic is Icarus. It feels almost archaic and metaphorical or prophetic. You use a really nice variety of words to set the tone, such as death knells, wraith, o' despaired, etc.
When it comes to the grammatical and stylistic choice, I like this for the most part. I'm a fan of ballads and more story-telling poetry, so I like the longer sentence. One thing though, and I'm not sure if this is a specific choice you wanted to give a sense of continuous motion, but you end every line with a comma as opposed to a period, up until the final sentence. If it's intentional I guess it's fine, but it did distract me a little. I'm just a fan of using mostly accurate grammar, even poetry, but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea so it's just something to think about.
OVerall though, I loved this piece. Please keep writing. I would love to see more stuff like this on YWS!
Messy
Hello there Doctor Infamy! I'm Ranger, here to review your poetry!
After reading this, It was truly a wonderful piece! It felt very beautiful but not like a delicate flower, it felt beautiful like the sun itself! It gave a feeling like looking into the face of eternity with all of the description in the start then the mention of Icarus like looking upon a golden figure long gone. I loved every word of it!
Your rhythm was very good in this piece and I enjoyed how the lines were longer and descriptive to truly get the feeling across. the only thing I would say for advice is maybe throw in some periods at the end of lines where they feel natural instead of having commas. Having too many commas can make it feel run off and sort of like you're out of breath as you read it. However, if that sort of feel was what you were going for in this poem then you did well!
Overall, this was a great poem to read with an aura of majesty and grandeur! I loved reading it and hope you continue to write poetry like this!
hopefully this review was helpful in your continued writing ventures and you have a wonderful rest of your day/night!
Farewell for now!
-Ranger
This one feels so grand, it's beautiful. I like the strong Ozymandias impression on me (in form).
And OHMYGOD—I'm in love with the last line! "Rejoice, o' despaired, your viscera is spared"
Would really like to learn more about the piece you're working on. Especially that Icarus' real character still feels mysterious to me.
This one feels so grand, it's beautiful. I like the strong Ozymandias impression on me (in form).
And OHMYGOD—I'm in love with the last line! "Rejoice, o' despaired, your viscera is spared"
Would really like to learn more about the piece you're working on. Especially that Icarus' real character still feels mysterious to me.