Young Writers Society

Hi there! here to give this piece some Green Room love!

Whoa. This is so cool. I don't even know how to describe it except that this feels like the intro of some sort of sci-fi or fantasy show where we don't know exactly what's going on but it feels important, life-changing even, sort of like Lord of the Rings opening Monologue, or the intro to the old Prince Valiant animated show.

I love the language style you use in this, especially when the topic is Icarus. It feels almost archaic and metaphorical or prophetic. You use a really nice variety of words to set the tone, such as death knells, wraith, o' despaired, etc.

When it comes to the grammatical and stylistic choice, I like this for the most part. I'm a fan of ballads and more story-telling poetry, so I like the longer sentence. One thing though, and I'm not sure if this is a specific choice you wanted to give a sense of continuous motion, but you end every line with a comma as opposed to a period, up until the final sentence. If it's intentional I guess it's fine, but it did distract me a little. I'm just a fan of using mostly accurate grammar, even poetry, but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea so it's just something to think about.

OVerall though, I loved this piece. Please keep writing. I would love to see more stuff like this on YWS!

Messy

This one feels so grand, it's beautiful. I like the strong Ozymandias impression on me (in form).

And OHMYGOD—I'm in love with the last line! "Rejoice, o' despaired, your viscera is spared"

Would really like to learn more about the piece you're working on. Especially that Icarus' real character still feels mysterious to me.

This one feels so grand, it's beautiful. I like the strong Ozymandias impression on me (in form).

And OHMYGOD—I'm in love with the last line! "Rejoice, o' despaired, your viscera is spared"

Would really like to learn more about the piece you're working on. Especially that Icarus' real character still feels mysterious to me.