Four walls. They enclose in something that is not easy to articulate, it is not palpable. An unexplainable emotion only perceived by the most perplexing characters. It does not matter how bare and unclad these four walls may be, they still somehow manage to avert the direction of my eyes; each diminutive mark or stain tantalizing my mind further, but not so much that I am unaware of the events forthcoming. For now, these four walls that I am caged within are the only things offering to protect me, although I am tentative of when this salvation will cease.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this is one of the more vague stories that I've managed to run into here...there seems to be a lot more going on here than what's there on the surface. This one just manages to make you think quite a bit here at any rate.
So...from what I can decipher here, it almost looks like we have ourselves a protagonist that is in some sort of prison or cage of some sort. It just feels like a person that is in some sort of captivity is talking here although the kind of vibe that I'm getting is that this isn't necessarily a place that's meant to keep this person in captivity but rather some kind of safe haven almost. It is a little hard to judge but, well, this little conundrum here does make this a very interesting start right here.
At any rate, this seems like a really interesting story here, it certainly seems to have a lot going on here..and it definitely managed to get my attention at any rate. This is definitely the kind of story that I would potentially continue to read right here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Timmyjake here to give you a short review!
This is a very short story, and its not really a story, almost like a essay. I will review it as best I can!
They enclose in something that is not easy to articulate, it is not palpable
This part should be two sentences, not one. Both are whole sentences, so they should be marked as such.
An unexplainable emotion only perceived by the most perplexing characters.
This isn't a complete sentence, which makes me think that it should be molded with the sentence before it. Here is a possibility:
It is not palpable, but an unexplainable emotion only perceived by the most perplexing characters. That's how I see it should be, anyway.
This seems to me to be a short story now that I have looked it over further. There is a plot to it. The character is trapped and doesn't know where to turn. Four walls surround her, but they are protecting her.
Besides a few grammar and punctuation problems that can be easily fixed, this was really good! Rather short, but to the point. Happy Review Day!
~Timmyjake
Hello there Dobby. Dogs here with your review today. Interesting piece here, although I would suggest that you put this into "others" works instead of this one. Because, unless this is a prologue, this piece is far too short to be a chapter considering it's only one paragraph.
I think that there is lots of interesting potential in this piece, although you give us little information regarding this piece and what might happen next. An interesting topic of being encased in four walls being considered as a "salvation."
Still somehow manage toavert the direction..."
You need a space inbetween "to" and "avert." Simple error, but makes a difference in the flow of your writing. I think the vocab that you use in this piece is excellent and has tons of potential.
The only thing that I would really suggest that you add in here is a stronger description of the walls that your narrator is encased within. How big is the room that he has? Is it just four walls without a ceiling? Are they just straight white? Are they made of brick and crumbiling? Give us a little bit more substantial info here that the reader can really use to visualize. Other than that I think this could be an extremely successful piece of work and I look forward to see what you'll produce from it. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Thanks, and I've just realised my grammatical error, you're right, it's a simple mistake; but it does make a difference. I think that as I continue to develop it, I'll answer some of the questions that you're thinking about, a this is only the very beginning of a chapter, I was just wondering what other people though of it so far. Thanks for reviewing my work, I'll make sure to keep developing it.
I like this, it has lots of strong adjectives and a strong meaning. But your grammar is a little off. For example hey still somehow manage toavert the direction. it's supposed to be To avert but overall I like this
Thanks, and sorry about the grammatical error, I know it makes a big difference. I'm glad that you like it, as I think it's important to know what others think about it. If you ever need a review on your work, make sure to ask me