Four Men Poem

Hey, Divyansh! This is Alex, dropping a quick review.

I was instantly reminded of my middle school literature textbooks as I read your poem. It rhymes AND is fun- what's not to like? Though I think the title could be better, revealing more of what the work is actually about. Something along the lines of 'The Four Celestial Men' might fit better.

The imagery used is absolutely stunning, I've got varying personalites of the four men painted in my mind. The Sun man is a funny bun seller. The Jupiter man is a clean-freak babysitter. The Mercury man is fond of slurries and curries. The Saturn man is a fern gardener who's not that skilled with handling fire. All the characters are instrinsically unique and diverse in their peculiarities, very well thought out.

I like how how you repeat 'the man from _' at the beginning as well as the end of the description of a celestial man. It adds a sense of rhythm to the work as a whole. I feel like these bits could even be broken into stanzas to highlight them seperately.

One drawback I felt the poem had was that the rhymes are overly dominating. They control the narrative entirely, perhaps a little more than they objectively should. But amusingly, for the very same reason they're the main hook of the poem which add a hilarious tone to it. So while it is sure a fault on paper, I must admit you've turned it to your advantage!

Overall, this is one of those pieces you write when you're feeling a little goofy. It's silly yet enjoyable. It will undoubtedly work great with kids to help them improve their imagination and comprehension of a simple rhyming scheme. This poem was a perfect example of - 'Stick to the basics, and nail 'em'. It doesn't overcomplicate matters and stays afloat on the surface with its light-hearted narrative. It's a great starting point but I'm eager to see more complex and thought provoking works from you.

Regards
Alex

Hi! I really liked this poem and It’s really funny. But, you should add ‘the’ before ‘sun’. Also, you don’t need to write the title again. I look forward to more humorous poems of yours. Keep writing

Hahaha @Divyansh Dubey
Wow! I think yours is an extremely funny work. Great work done!
The thing I loved most about your poetry was the IMAGERY you've used in it. And how beautifully you've used it!!
Visualising people from Sun, Mercury,Saturn and the mighty Jupiter was an exquisite experience!
Secondly your skill of using rhyming scheme is adorable... It's lovely!!
I seriously can't express what I felt like, while reading your work. It compelled me to keep on reading it... And read it till it's very end.
Awesome work Divyansh!
Now I suppose you're an Indian... aren't you?
So I am an Indian too! And I would love it if you read my works. I've posted several in Hindi too. Please go for it! It would be a great pleasure if a fine writer like you would review my work!! Please go for it once!
And now, coming back to your work... It was truly awesome.
Keep writing!
Regards
Mahira

Hi welcome to YWS!
This was an unexpected rhyming poem!

Here's what I liked
1) rhyme added humor
2) planet / alien theme was unique
3) slury /curry combo was funny
4) capitalization was consistent

Some areas for improvement
1) the title doesn't tell me what the poem is about or add anything interesting to the content.

2)there's no connection or logical link between the men's descriptions so it comes off as very random. See if you can add more continuity in there.

3) you are missing some articles in here. There should be a "the" before " sun". I'd reccomend putting this through a word processor like word or google docs to catch those little grammar things, and perhaps reading aloud.

Well done, I look forward to more poetry from you! Humorous poetry is always tough to nail, but really satisfying to read when done well. Keep on writing!

alliyah

Eyy there I am Buranko, welcome to the society and great poem. I love serios poetry but a playful one is really nice too.
I agree with @LittleLee on most mistakes you made. Though these mistakes aren't something severe, mostly coming from either not knowing English that well or simply being careless. What I found pretty annoying was when you said after each description "the man from..." . I don't quite like the repetition.
You could change some of the rhyming words in the case of the sun man. What you used works mostly in plural form "who used to sell buns" "his language full of puns". You could say "there was a man from sun/who always found life fun/when he walked or when he ran".
This poem is really fun to read, it brings memories of my childhood. Cute little rhymes and I love how you used the universe as a source of inspiration. That is what gives the poem a more mature feel.
Welcome to the society, keep up the good work and forgive me if I was too critical.

Hi there, Divyansh, welcome to YWS! It's nice to see you've already posted something.

My overall impression is that the poem is sweet and cute. There are a few mistakes you made with grammar and sentence construction, but that can easily be worked around!

Four men poem:

There was a man from sun

And his language was full of pun

And was fond of slury,

Hope you like it.