Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Humor

E - Everyone Language

Four Men Poem

by Divyansh Dubey


Four men poem:

There was a man from sun,

who used to sell bun,

And his language was full of pun,

The man from sun.

There was a man from Jupiter,

Who was a babysitter,

and hated litter,

The man from Jupiter.

There was a man from mercury,

Who always ate curry,

And was fond of slury,

The man from mercury.

There was a man from Saturn ,

Who owned a lovely fern,

Whose body was full of burns,

The man from Saturn.

Hope you like it.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 263
Reviews: 20

Donate
Sun Sep 20, 2020 11:23 am
rida says...



Hi! I really liked this poem and It’s really funny. But, you should add ‘the’ before ‘sun’. Also, you don’t need to write the title again. I look forward to more humorous poems of yours. Keep writing






Thanks for the review .





Thanks for the review .



User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 50
Reviews: 38

Donate
Fri Sep 18, 2020 12:13 pm
nanda wrote a review...



Hahaha @Divyansh Dubey
Wow! I think yours is an extremely funny work. Great work done!
The thing I loved most about your poetry was the IMAGERY you've used in it. And how beautifully you've used it!!
Visualising people from Sun, Mercury,Saturn and the mighty Jupiter was an exquisite experience!
Secondly your skill of using rhyming scheme is adorable... It's lovely!!
I seriously can't express what I felt like, while reading your work. It compelled me to keep on reading it... And read it till it's very end.
Awesome work Divyansh!
Now I suppose you're an Indian... aren't you?
So I am an Indian too! And I would love it if you read my works. I've posted several in Hindi too. Please go for it! It would be a great pleasure if a fine writer like you would review my work!! Please go for it once!
And now, coming back to your work... It was truly awesome.
Keep writing!
Regards
Mahira






Hi Mahira,
Thanks for praising my work. Your words have been inspiring
and you are right I am an Indian . I promise you that I will review your works. thanks for the review. sorry for the late reply.
Divyansh





Hi Mahira,
Thanks for praising my work. Your words have been inspiring
and you are right I am an Indian . I promise you that I will review your works. thanks for the review. sorry for the late reply.
Divyansh



User avatar
1011 Reviews


Points: 120515
Reviews: 1011

Donate
Wed Sep 16, 2020 5:57 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hi welcome to YWS!
This was an unexpected rhyming poem!

Here's what I liked
1) rhyme added humor
2) planet / alien theme was unique
3) slury /curry combo was funny
4) capitalization was consistent

Some areas for improvement
1) the title doesn't tell me what the poem is about or add anything interesting to the content.

2)there's no connection or logical link between the men's descriptions so it comes off as very random. See if you can add more continuity in there.

3) you are missing some articles in here. There should be a "the" before " sun". I'd reccomend putting this through a word processor like word or google docs to catch those little grammar things, and perhaps reading aloud.

Well done, I look forward to more poetry from you! Humorous poetry is always tough to nail, but really satisfying to read when done well. Keep on writing!

alliyah






Hi alliyah,
I am extremely happy that you liked the poem. I completely agree with the mistakes you highlighted and will try to improve it in future works.
Thanks for the review.
Divyansh



alliyah says...


You're welcome! :)



User avatar
40 Reviews


Points: 82
Reviews: 40

Donate
Wed Sep 16, 2020 5:15 pm
View Likes
Buranko wrote a review...



Eyy there I am Buranko, welcome to the society and great poem. I love serios poetry but a playful one is really nice too.
I agree with @LittleLee on most mistakes you made. Though these mistakes aren't something severe, mostly coming from either not knowing English that well or simply being careless. What I found pretty annoying was when you said after each description "the man from..." . I don't quite like the repetition.
You could change some of the rhyming words in the case of the sun man. What you used works mostly in plural form "who used to sell buns" "his language full of puns". You could say "there was a man from sun/who always found life fun/when he walked or when he ran".
This poem is really fun to read, it brings memories of my childhood. Cute little rhymes and I love how you used the universe as a source of inspiration. That is what gives the poem a more mature feel.
Welcome to the society, keep up the good work and forgive me if I was too critical.






Hi Buoranko,
I am happy to know that my poem has made someone happy. The mistakes you wrote about were completely wrong and I will try hard in future not to repeat them. Thanks for highlighting the mistakes.



Buranko says...


Nooo they weren't completely wrong. It's what I would prefer, my own style of writing but you don't need to scrap everything and write how I would if you can't use my style



User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 14056
Reviews: 200

Donate
Wed Sep 16, 2020 4:11 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi there, Divyansh, welcome to YWS! It's nice to see you've already posted something.

My overall impression is that the poem is sweet and cute. There are a few mistakes you made with grammar and sentence construction, but that can easily be worked around! :D

Four men poem:

I understand this is the title, so there's no need to put it in again. You can cut it out.

There was a man from sun

There should be the word "the" right before "sun." Why? "The" is used when you're referring to a specific noun (that is, a specific object or person.) Since you obviously mean the sun from our solar system, you're talking about something specific, so you need to use "the" when referring to it.

And his language was full of pun

"Puns," not "pun." You're talking about more than one pun, and the plural of "pun" is "puns."

And was fond of slury,

"Slurry" is spelled with two "r"s, not one. :)

Hope you like it.

I did! It made me smile a lot.

Well, Divyansh, I hope you stay around and keep writing poetry! I would love to see more of your work.

Have a good day!

- Lee






Hi Lee,
it is nice to see that you have liked my poem and I completely agree with the mistakes you wrote about and I will try my best to improve. Thanks for the inspiration.



LittleLee says...


You're welcome!




The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay