[pre]Anger boils within me,
Feelings surge...
Ebb of my emotions,
Peak of my pain!
But words fail me,
My pen bleeds...
I ponder for words
With my pen blotting the paper,
And still
Not a single word i write!
I feel like a soul
Without life,
Because i'm a poet
Without words[/pre]!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Welcome to the YWS!
"But words fail me,
My pen bleeds...
I ponder for words
With my pen blotting the paper"
The repetition of "words" and "pen" in this bothers me. If you can change them to something else it might make this flow a bit better.
"Because i'm a poet" Capitalize "I," it's just proper spelling.
Othewise, good start! Keep writing!
~Yoyo
I agree with changing the title. Show, don't tell. I'll try and think if an alternative if you'd like.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this. It spoke to me. Maybe this is because I know exactly how the speaker is feeling, frustrated, angry and depressed, sick of trying to be creative. Shucks, I'm feeling like that right now. Hence reviewing instead of writing my own work.
I would again suggest that you take out the three dots, seeing as it might give the poem a bit more of a gutsy feel. Even if you want to portray the poem as lethargic, keeping one set would be best. Less is definately more, in my opinion.
My favourite description was:
Because i'm a poet
Without words
Oh, and another thing. You really must capitalise your I's. It's just essential in poetry and yes, I'm afraid if you don't you will be shot. Not literally, of course. We're all about the metaphores here at YWS.
Welcome, by the way! I just noticed that you're new. I hope you stick around, and feel free to PM me with any questions or more juicy poems to review.
Eimear
I would suggest taking out the ... after these. It makes the poem feel passive.
Take this out, or at least make it so there is less of a pause between that and the next line. It's awkward and predicable.
Just as another note, try looking for a different title. "Writer's Block" is just too obvious. I'd also suggest trying to make the subject subtler and less predicatble. Every writer has written about writer's block.