Wow, this is quite poetic.
I like your writing style, it's got a rather nice flair to it, and a slightly sassy elegance. I can't comment on why you decided to writ this because I don't know enough to, so I will keep my review strictly in accordance with structure and the basics.
One thing I noticed is that after exclamation marks, the following word doesn't begin with a capital letter. While I understand that you may have been seeking some kind of rhythm or poetic tone by doing this, I advise you not to. It feels oddly out of place.
instead of listening to the mad talks of lesser creatures,
Hmm. Well. I don't think you should refer to other humans as "lesser creatures," because I don't think being passionate automatically makes you better than them. Some people have a passion in poetry, music, and the arts; others find their passion in the cryptic embraces of mathematics and the sciences. One does not become better than the others simply because their interest in certain fields is not shared.
How I longed to run my hands trough that wast sea,
I think you mean vast sea?
Why the need for air! when such curls are as abundant as grains in autumn! when the fabric of the universe seems to be thinning itself while being rubbed against my gaze.
Lovely writing here, but this is an example of where you'll do better off without an exclamation mark. It just disrupts the flow of words.
I never let my gaze go down, always watchful!
Okayyyyy. I don't see this as romantic, I just see this as a bit creepy. Constantly, vigorously watching someone and falling in "love" because of how they look is just a little off.
Two burning fuming rock formations came crashing from the skies, two majestic meteorites hurled themselves at me, I stopped in my tracks. She had been looking at me too.
I didn't get the ending. I mean, the whole piece is named off a couple of slightly random lines...
But overall, this is still nice to read. Like I said, it has a beautiful poetic quality to it, which makes it pretty nice. I won't lie, though; the topic doesn't greatly impress me.
Have a good day!
~ Lee
Points: 18564
Reviews: 278
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