Published August 5, 2011
Its been a long time
I have been treading on this path of loneliness,
I can see no one
but I hoped to meet someone,
How unfortunate!!!
That the meeting couldnt be a success;
What am I waiting for?
There's nothing here.
Lead me now,
Back to home !!!!
Its a tunnel
A dark one,
No light but one, can remove this darkness
't is the light of love!!!
But what a fool am I
To be searching for love on a path,
Where no one can lend me some.
But now its time,
That I went back to home !!!!
Days don't move
Nor do I,
On this untreaded path.
Its so stand still, so cold
But who can give that warmth of love???
Don't I deserve a bit,
Just to reach back home??
'm ain't gonna stay long here.
Am I so undeserving of someone's heartfelt love???
I am tired, 'm so lonely
I just wanna go
Back to home !!!!!
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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138,206 Literary Works • 672,082 Reviews
This is a lovely little poem. I just thought I'd touch up on some small errors.
Your poem was nice and I liked the style you were trying to give it with the little slang you put in it. But I do think you should be careful with the "its" and "it's" and other words with apostrophes.
Nice work!
Keep writing!
It's good, nice idea, but you have forgotten some grammar and to use only one "!" without a space after the words.
But I really do like it, keep writing!