IN THE JUNGLE THERE ARE…
…Layers of chlorophyll skin that yields to sabers, splits
And bleeds
Juice
Over the hunters’ caps and backs.
Their boots crack and mud seeps
In
Squelch, Squelch.
Their hot rifles
Spray bullets in an ugly game.
And heavy cows of jungle tread in fear,
The fastest they can go.
Their dried, patched leather
With tints of purple, blue and gray.
Their heavy, lethal, tender steps.
Elephants.
A perfect aim, right in the socket
And sticky liquid spills
In lazy drips.
Squelch, Squelch.
The purple flesh collapses in slow-mo
A dull thud of an empty fear,
A silent buzz of cocoa hands,
Like bees,
Alive ebony roaming over the precious white
Horns.
Processed and ground,
Soft white that makes up the teeth inside her smile,
and French manicured
Tips and healthy white of eyes
That saccharinely gaze at the white of her stars.
And yet behind her ivory,
There is the angry blood
That could be found now dry and clotted
Inside the corpses
Of the purple cows
Rotting among the Jungle boughs.
-------------
Thank you for reading this!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hi there, DiannePan.
I've been looking at your poem a bit, and I know that you have talent; it flows well and the topic you're bringing us is great and unique. xD But there's one thing I suggest for this to be better; make patterns when you write poetry. I noticed there's even a line that says just one word. o.O Another thing I would do is get rid of the eclipses in the beginning and the caps, it really distracts the reader. Making your work look professional counts, it's what makes the readers get interested before reading. Other than that, I think it's good. Keep it up. ^_^
~Solly<3
Fantastic poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love every bit of it. This is a topic I am passionate about too and it is so amazing to see someone put the same emotions I feel into words. The structure was clever and effective. The language descriptive and powerful and I loved how you didn't try to make every word really old-fashioned and poetic. For example you said "slow-mo". Your description was very intelligent because the adjectives made me think about the subject in a different way. Your stanza on the elephant was particulary good.
Anyway, this is a brilliant, stunning, spectacular, amazing poem and I hope you continue to write about this issue and that your work influences some of those who mistreat animals around the world.