In fields of gold-
The fabled land of milk and honey,
Still is my body, my breath on hold,
The heady whiskey of fatigue my limbs obey,
Amidst the fragrant herbs, in lethargy, I lay.
The symphony of peace reigns supreme
Here
There is a certain tranquil:
In the cerulean, aerial ceiling, saturated
With splendid sunlight spilt over it
And ivory-bellied clouds, thick and creamy,
Akin embroidery upon my mind so drowsy yet so dreamy.
Far off in distance, mirth-filled vocals
Of mid-summer birds reach my sedate state.
Amongst the sun drenched, ripened wheat
Tall grass and myriads of wildflowers.
The tints and hues, all pastel, coalesce like ardent lovers.
My gaze is glazed, my life flow slow
A deep, clean slit across my throat
Is pulsing out the scarlet blood,
Abundant, unsubdued, enraged.
Cascading densely down my chest
And pooling gently 'round my heaving breast.
I'm yet alive, perchance undead, fraught with unrest,
Replete with unsung words.
Strong thoughts like ghosts
Vinous across my lips in pantomime
In vain, unfurling silent phantom rhyme.
Cushioned with rubied parsley, basil, thyme,
A writer sapped of universal lust for crime,
All spent, each primal dime,
To purchase tetherless exhales of inner fire.
Burnt out, within, from cadence hushed,
Unsheathed their pen and slashed
Through jugular in manic ire.
Then softly fell, to die unhurried,
Into the arms of druids, faes, Gods,
Cocooned in unsaid,
Inkless words.
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140,235 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Wow.
Sheyren here for a review! I want to say it now that this poem was just so good. The language you used, the rhythm you used, it all made it seem very old, like a poem written in the 1800s. I've read a lot of poems, but I've never seen a poem that so perfectly mimics olden poems.
It was an interesting choice. Usually, people wouldn't choose to write a poem like this, because older language can be confusing, since it's outdated and no one used it. I've never heard someone say lethargy, except maybe in LA. But because it's uncommon, it made it unique. Thus, I can't stress enough how amazing this was.
Now that I've blabbed about language for three hours, let's get onto covering content. The first questionable thing that sticks out to me is the ending. You made "inkless words." stick out by having it's own stanza, and I'm not really sure why. Usually, that type of ending is to conclude the entire poem, but I felt that specific sentence only really applied to the last stanza. You don't really go into an in depth explanation that the narrator has any connection to writing until the end, and then you conclude the whole poem with it. It seemed a little odd. I'm sure you have a reason for it, though.
One other thing.
Why did you give "Here" a separate line? Its the only one word line in the poem, so I believe it was to be exaggerated, but why? I don't really see a significance to it in the overall scheme of the poem. But again, you probably have a reason for it
So, I guess the take away of this review is to be careful with exaggeration, and to keep writing awesome poems that mimic eras passed. Really, though. This poem was amazing. As Sharon1407 wrote, "Maybe it's not flawless, but it doesn't even need to be flawless... With or without mistakes, it's just fabulous." It so true. That's all I have to say. Bravo.
-Sheyren
Wow! I had to start with this because this was my instant reaction.. Last I had given such a reaction was when I had read Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats.. Actually this work is much in tune with his work, I find so.. Romanticism is out of bounds in this poem and the best part is that the poem speaks for itself.. It needs no explanation.. This is a poem which is of the true Romantic essence.. Again, it somehow relates to the modern mindset.. This work is just beautiful.. It just doesn't appeal me to f even search for any faults in the poem.. I don't want to.. I guess critics may find certain faults in it.. Maybe it's not flawless, but it doesn't even need to be flawless.. With or without mistakes, it's just fabulous.. It has been a long time since I have read such a good poem of this genre.. Thank You for being such an inspiration..