She was born the same year I was.
I went to school the sane year she did.
She learned as I did.
I would play on the play ground as she did.
She rode in the same car to prom as I did.
I graduated the same as she did.
She said I do as I did too.
I moved into the same house as she did.
She held our baby's hand as I did hers.
I grew older as she did.
Her car went off the road.
She is in heaven and I am alone.
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This is not my favorite writing I have done but I thought I hear your reviews. It's probably crazy repetitive for some peoples tastes.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I liked the Poem its a good one.
But after the fourth line it would be good if you added more of his young age before the prom.
otherwise all is Good.
It's really good! I like how they went through everything together. From the day they started to the day she ended. I read a few of your other writings and the rest are also super good. This is one of my favorites.
Keep up the good work
Hi there!
The premise of your story is what really pulled me in. I was left guessing until near the end who the narrator was and why he (I'm assuming they're a he) was doing everything this girl was. Once those questions were answered for me the piece took on a completely different feel. I went back and read it from the beginning and was really able to get into it. I think that's a great effect and I'm glad this is written like that.
There's really only a few things I want to talk about here.
This reads more like a poem, with the amount of information and format that's here. I'm not saying that it should be one instead, but take another look at it and see if it really is a short story. With the single sentences on single lines there isn't much fluidity as another story might have. Every line we read is sharp and short.
And that leads me into my next point. Reading between the line I see a much deeper story here. Yes you're focusing on the single event of this woman dying in a car crash and leaving her husband alone, but there's always more to the story. It's obvious that these two grew up together, were most likely childhood friends. There isn't much evidence of that however, except for what's told to us. Why not slow it down a bit and really show their relationship growing up? All of the original words could still stay. They would just be expanded upon. For example (just to pick out one place, this can be done with almost every line in the story):
There's a nice story of a beautiful wedding hidden between these words. I want to feel the happiness as he stands at the alter across from his love. I want to see their struggle of starting a new life together, but their love makes it all better. It wouldn't take more than four or five sentences to show and it would add so much dimension to the story. Just something for you to think about.
Let's focus on the repetition. I actually think it works well. Is it repetitive? Yes. (because, you know, it's supposed to be, duh Noelle :3) Could it be annoying? Possibly, yes. However, it really drives into our heads that this guy did everything just like his wife did. It really makes the piece work. If it had just been mentioned once or twice, there might've been something else I would've taken from the piece instead. With the repetition you really drive home your point.
I've been rereading and thinking about those last few lines there where the repetition breaks. I was playing around with different ways it could be written with the repetition in there so I could give you suggestions. Looking at it again though, I realize that it works best that way. This entire story is focused on this man doing everything this woman does because he loves her. She's there in front of him, with him, around him. His life is great. Then all of the sudden she leaves him. He's broken and devastated, so of course things are going to change. In the writing aspect of the story, that's going to be the break in repetition. It shows that shift in his thoughts and feelings.
While we're on the topic of that last part, I'm going to jump back a few paragraphs where I talked about expanding the story.
If I wasn't so lazy I'd go back up and add this little bit to the other part, but meh.This is another place where more of the story would really help. It comes out of left field, really. All of the sudden she's dead. I mean, I know that's what happens in real life, but in the format of this story it's just too sudden.I really do love this piece. There are so many emotions thrown into it, shown in the simplest of ways that makes it beautiful. If you do decide to edit this let me know and I'll take another look
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hello!
This isn't really that bad, and I think the repetitiveness of the entire thing makes it all the more better. 
Anyway, time for the review!
Aww, cut yourself some slack.
Along with some of the other lines that don't end with "she did", I think this breaks up your flow. As I said before, I feel like your repetition is one of the best things in this. I would try to keep it as much as possible. I do have a suggestion, if you're having trouble knowing how to end it with "she did". (which I would to, considering how many you'd have to put in this to tell the entire story in "she did's")
"She is in heaven and I am alone."
In something like this, a break in the repetition is nice, but only once, and probably at the end. (It tends to wrap a poem up quite nicely.) Here's an example of breaking it up to 'end it'-
"She is in heaven, happy and smiling.
She's not alone - unlike I am."
So in that little snippet, I just switched it from past tense to present tense. This is a mediocre example, but I think you get the idea.
Other Suggestions
This is under short story, but I would change it to a poem. The repetition in it seems more like a poem, as well as the length, and the way you presented it.
Other than that, I thought this was great!
~Snazz Pizzazz
The idea is good but you can present it in a more beautiful way. Just add a bit more small touches.
The last two lines could be rephrased.
like you can add 'She died and i didn't.'
This piece of flash fiction was hard to keep in form. I had to break my repetition at the end but I didn't know how. It's not my favorite writing but wanted to know what reviewer thought. Thank you!