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College Work

by DhaRason

Let me wallow in my sorrows,

Let me choke in the anxiety caught in my throat.

Let me be hanged by the hairs torn out of frustration,

Or be drowned in the papers thrown about in exasperation.

For what was meant to expand has exploded.                                         

And I am tired and spent

In my attempts to recover.

Perpetual Confusion

bludgeoning the insides of my mind.

What was meant to clarify is full of jargon,

Confusing me only further.

All my ideas are no longer safe,

From the correction of my elders.

Sleepless nights and harried days

Have I spent to achieve perfection.

Oh! The One, ever elusive and enviable

You have me addicted to coffee,

And my backside to a seat in the library.

These subjects beyond my comprehension,

Will I ever grasp them in time?

How will I understand?

I am only just a child.

Stupid Deadlines,

How you make me wild.

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416 Reviews

Points: 575
Reviews: 416

Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:24 am
Willard wrote a review...

Hey, yo, DhaRason! Strangelove here on this Review Day and I have a review for you!
You know what, I don't usually say this, but Ancient's review is pretty spot on. I, of course, will branch off into my own review of this.
I have seen many lyrics like this, following similar topics and stuff like that. It's very common on this site. Usually one stands out above the rest, but this, sadly, doesn't. I'll break down the problems I had with it in the paragraph after the next, but let me get onto the good stuff first.
I have to admit, this did make me chuckle here and there. I usually find this kind of humor very immature, but something about it made me enjoy it. The flow wasn't bad, except for a few sores that stick out. It could be improved, don't get me wrong, but it's okay as it is.
You do have some grammar problems, and misplaced words. For example, on the last two lines, you don't need to capitalize "Deadlines". There is no need for it. Otherwise, the idea is near about mediocre. I've seen it a lot, anything about school or reviewing. It's super simple. It can go above and beyond, that would be great, but it doesn't. It falls into the majority. Nothing really is special about it. Sorry about being harsh, but that's how it is. It just doesn't feel right.
Overall, okay job
Strangelove gives you...
Okay job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.

User avatar
425 Reviews

Points: 50
Reviews: 425

Sun Sep 28, 2014 3:53 am
Vervain wrote a review...

Hello, darling! Here to review.

To begin with, as a college student, yes. That's all I have to say: yes. Your subject matter resonates with a target audience, which is a step in the direction of success, so I'd say that this is pretty good to start off, but it could use some definite editing work.

As a poet: critique.

This piece seems to be mostly free-verse, so I won't get on you too much about that, however. Your rhyme - where you have it - seems very forced, like you thought of one word and then found another word that rhymed with it and used it just because it rhymed. ("exasperation/frustration" especially made me think of that.)

I also feel like a lot of your images are lacking. You explain the piece rather than letting it stand for itself; lines such as "I am tired and spent" and "confusing me only further" reinforce this feeling of telling and not showing. While this can work in certain circumstances, with certain styles, these moments of telling contrasted with your imagery don't work for me.

From a grammatical standpoint, some of your punctuation seems out of place, interrupting the flow of the piece. For example, there should be no comma after the word "safe" in the line before "from the correction"; some of your inverted syntax seems a little twisted and confusing; and your Random Capitalization seems a little Overly Random, not necessarily emphasizing any images in particular.

Overall, I think that this piece could be a lot more effective with some minor editing, and your images could be sharpened by the removal of "telling" aspects of the poem. Keep writing!

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83 Reviews

Points: 6057
Reviews: 83

Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:00 am
EscaSkye says...

This. While it doesn't sum up everything about what I feel in college, it makes me think of a few subjects that drive me mad because of all the requirements and crammed deadlines professors give (I didn't even think professors were capable of cramming back then). A lot of requirements could end up in one day, hardly giving time for students to rest up. I like this poem a lot. It's really realistic and relatable!

User avatar
55 Reviews

Points: 290
Reviews: 55

Thu Sep 25, 2014 1:35 am
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Cirute wrote a review...

Hello DhaRason, Cirute here to review your poem.

Firstly, wow. The wording in this is exceptional. The way you blend the lighthearted nature with poetic beauty is stunning. I especially love lines such as this:

"Oh! The One, ever elusive and enviable

You have me addicted to coffee,

And my backside to a seat in the library."

Why do I enjoy this type of line so? Well, as I have stated previously, the wording is great. Also, it reminds me a great deal of my own writing (Yes, I know that sounds narcissistic). I thoroughly enjoy writing in such a fashion in works of fiction. You seem to have taken it to a new level, bringing it into poetry. Thing is, you're faaaar better at such a style than I am, so currently I can't decide whether I am jealous, in awe, or angry. Perhaps a little bit of all. Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that I love your writing style.

Now, though I have yet to experience the joys of college, I am currently suffering through the tenth grade, so I can relate a great deal to what you have described here. I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for every hour of sleep I have lost trying to meet deadlines. Also, it makes me appreciate the cushioned in the school library. XD

The only real suggestion would be with this; trifle as the problem may be:

"Stupid Deadlines,

How you make me wild."

Here, the wording comes off as a bit too informal when compared to the tone of the rest of the poem. I'm no poet, so I can't give any real suggestions, just consider changing the wording a bit more.

All in all, this was a great poem! You've certainly earned a like and a new follower!


Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain