Winding through the curtains
like a black river of smoke
comes and goes, but never
does it dissappear, always
creeping up behind you,
slowly, carefully and
mysteriously, never does
it leave you alone, always
lingering in the cold
whispers of the wind,
the shivers of the tree
leaves, the voices of the
night, loneliness will sneak
up behind you, but never
will it let you see her,
she is as terrifying as
a lion, as dangerous
as a posinous snake,
and as secretive as a
murderer, but you will
never be able to escape.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello! What a great poem, good job!
So first off I'll say that this is such a beautiful poem!!! I love how it conveys the feelings of loneliness in such a unique manner.
Okay, let's start out with what was good, great, and positively amazing!!!
So I'll start off with structure: while it is good I think there is a few tweaks you could look over (I'll address these later)
CONTENT: I LOVE your content. To me, there isn't anything that could need fixing-it is perfect. They way you portray and embody the feeling of loneliness in this poem is absolutely stunning!!!
Emotion: Okay, so to me every good writer can make their reader feel emotion. And that's just what you did. So congratulations! You made me feel the despair, the confusion, and of coarse, loneliness.
Literacy Element: Okay I think you did excellent with this. You included similes, personification and metaphors. (If I missed one or included one sorry LOL) I will give you and A+++ on literacy element. High Five! (Imaginary high five of coarse)
Now, to what needs fixing, modification, and what has serious problems.
So I'm going to say I don't think you had anything necessarily wrong with your piece. There was nothing wrong with grammar, punctuation, etc., (not that I find anyway.) The only thing I could possibly contribute to this is probably work on your structure a little. Like you breaks and possibly and rhyming order.
BUT, you do not have to change anything. It is YOUR poem and you can choose what to do with it. In this state you poem is fine and if you like it that way so do I!
So without further ado, I bid you farewell. As I said before, good job and keep up the good work. (sorry if you found this review annoying but I couldn't help myself-your poem was just to good!!!)
Now this is my kind of poem. I use similes and personification. I loved this poem! P.S. I also loved the way you made loneliness a female character. What inspired you to make her female and not gender-less or male??
Hello! Sorry that this is such a short review.
This is a beautiful poem. The image especially added to it. Below, @miley said that she suggested that the poem had a "rhyming order". I think it's best this way... the shape that the poem makes really contributes to it.
However, one or two line breaks seemed kind of awkward. Like this one: "never does/it leave you alone," Something to think about.
Anyway, great job and keep writing!
-IronSpark
hey there!
good work! i simply loved it the way you told out the most complex part of life. this even increased the importance for our fellows.
you really lived up to the spirit of the theme. as from the start i thought it was a shadow or fear inside.
however i felt that if you would created a nice rhyming order it would have given a more nice view. (any ways that's completely your decision.)
rest ,
keep dreaming! keep writing!