z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Curi and the Dream Boy Ch.1 pt 2

by Dest


Chapter 1 (pt.2)

Curi felt someone shake her shoulder.

"Hey, wake up." A calm voice said. The voice wasn’t too deep… Perhaps male. Her sleepiness blurred her train of thought.

Her tired eyelids opened half-way, barely recognizing the figure in front of her. Was she dreaming or awake? The touch on her shoulder felt real enough, but the odd quiet surrounding her was unusual for the Andrews household.

She felt the gentle shake again but didn't make any movement. When the metaphorical cinder blocks lifted from her eyelids, she saw she was only in her room.

"Curi!"

"Huh?" Drool dribbled from the side of her mouth. She must have been knocked out in a heavy sleep.

Taveo, her older brother, stood before her with his hands in his pajama pockets and a lazy expression on his face. As her eyes had adjusted, as did her ears, to the familiar sounds of the house. The beeping of phones, their parents talking, and her movie still playing rang in her ear. Gone was the silence from before.

"Hey, kid you looked like ya slept a hundred years away in ten minutes. You left your earphones in too. "He pointed out. ”Don’t think that's sanitary, sis."

He sat down on her bed, taking a look at the movie on her laptop. The credits rolled all the names involved in the project.

"What's up?" she mumbled. She patted her mouth with a napkin on her nightstand.

"Nothing. I thought I would see what you were doing, but I should have known you would be asleep."

Curi yawned. She still wondered who had shaken her awake. Was it Taveo or maybe someone in her dream? She was all but incoherent a minute ago, so of course, she couldn't tell.

"Well, look at that—Your mentor's name is in the credits," Taveo said.

"Huh?" Looking closer at the vertically moving words, she read Victorine-Ophelia.

Apparently, Ophelia had accomplished more than she had led on. There was no title for her whatever role she had in the movie only her name. Her mentor stayed mysterious for the most part, but Curi kept finding out something new here and there.

Curi placed her face into her hands. "Ah. Sometimes, I think Ophelia's done everything and is good at everything. I know it's silly because no one's perfect, but Ophelia comes close to it."

"Didn't she blackmail Wolfeman to ruin mom and dad's final party?" Taveo reminded her dryly.

She countered. "Didn't you leave the milk out all night?" Ophelia was no saint, but she could not help but defend her.

"Curi, chill" he dragged the word out, sitting adjacent to her.

She shut down the movie browser, choosing to watch the movie's ending again later.

Taveo asked her. "Anyway, where's Ophelia? Shouldn't she be here for your movie time?"

"Nah. She wrote a letter—if I may add handwritten—saying she couldn't make it today."

"Why?" He blinked.

"Heck, if I know." Curi shrugged, pulling her hands away from her face. It was too hard to keep up with Ophelia's whereabouts. The woman would be one place then the next with only the wind howling behind her.

Taveo pulled his cell phone from his pocket which often seemed perpetually attached to his hand. Had it ever been removed to be charged?

"Maybe she had something important to do." Curi halfheartedly reasoned. She tried to think the best of another missed appointment.

"…Looks like she's just goofing off at the beach."

"How do you know?"

"Social media." He zoomed in on a photo of Ophelia with a small smile, in a peach-colored sun dress.

Curi shook her head almost with mirth. "Huh, that's just like her, isn't it? Social media is the downfall."

"True." Taveo nodded.

A little silence settled into her room. She checked her email and Taveo looked at some video on his timeline.

Breaking the silence, he asked, "Hey, what does she mentor you in again?"

"How to be cool…"

"Hmm..."

Curi nudged her brother's arm. "Am I cool yet?"

He squint his eyes at her, titled her face, and poked her cheek. Ugh, typical annoying brother moves!

"Well, what's the verdict?"

"Not in the slightest!" He laughed, in a way that still allowed him to appear cool.

Instead of what should have been her angry response, she laughed too though she also made sure to smack him with a pillow.

----

The weekend passed at a slow pace, enough to remember it was there but not to enjoy it. She had been dreamless Sunday night and woke up to a seemingly mundane Monday. Once she had eaten breakfast, her mother had thrust her into schoolwork.

Her mother stood a few feet away from her and finally put the flashcards down. She sighed tiredly though Curi felt more drained.

Curi smoothed her hair back into the ponytail behind her, anything to distract herself from the work that lay before her. Math was her least liked subject. She got by okay when she understood the questions, but who actually wanted to go back for the umpteenth time to understand a concept she should have already known.

Her mother’s brown eyes were burning holes into her. Obviously, she didn’t approve of her daughter’s frown. “Curi, you're never going to get any better if you don't practice the things you don't like.”

Curi mumbled something unintelligible and rolled her mechanical pencil back and forth on the dinner table. Maybe if she stared at the striped tablecloth long enough she could forget the math problems.

“What?” Her mother said. “I can't hear your mumbles, dear.” The dear sounded strained.

“It's not my fault that I'm not a math person,” Curi snapped. She slouched in her chair. “Some people just aren't cut out for it, and I am one of them.” She breathed out.

“Don't say that!” Her mother screeched. “You can be just as good at math as anyone else! Keep that attitude and you will not!”

Curi cringed at her mother's volume but nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I probably shouldn't have said that.”

“Now, you know I'm no good at math. I feel like I forgot everything after I decided not to become an engineer.”

Curi chose not to comment on the hypocrisy. She stopped rolling her pencil and placed her hand on her chin. She could tell what her mother was leading towards.

“—But your brother and father are great at it!” Her bright smile which shared housing with her even brighter personality did nothing to improve Curi's attitude.

Curi pushed her chair away from the table. “Ehh, I hate getting help from them! Taveo always makes me feel stupid for not knowing something, and dad takes too long to explain things.”

“Well, then I suppose you rather fail this class. As your teacher, I don't want to have you repeat math, but as your mama, you're going to do what I say.”

Curi so desperately wanted to tell her how little she cared if she failed or had to repeat something but did not want the trouble that would bring.

“Mom...” Curi sighed. “Can I just take a break, you know like a nap.”

Her mother’s eyes softened and she rested her hand against her daughter's forehead. “Hmm, I'm not trying to discourage you—”

Curi didn’t offer a response.

“You probably feel I only pay attention to your subjects when it comes to math, which is absolutely true. Aucuria, you excel in everything else that I have no reason to remotely check up on you.”

Curi embraced her mom and gave a deadpan response. “Mom, you do realize that's terrible teaching.”

“Curi-baby, I am a librarian, not a teacher. Get with it, boo. Go take a short nap. You still have science to do, and you need to balance some equations today.”

“Mom, that was last week's lesson but whatever.” She pulled away from her mother’s comforting hug.

“Ah, you know I don't keep up with that,” her mother laughed.

Curi went to her room happy to be greeted by the sight of her soft bed. She closed her window blinds to block out the sun and pulled her covers up to her shoulders.

She could afford to take a short nap. Science didn't exert too much out of her like math.

Laying her head on the fluffed pillow, she waited for sleep to claim her. Sometimes, the physical feelings before falling into sleep frightened her a bit, so she played some gentle music in the background to aid her into a natural sleep.

-----

“So, are you going to say something, or should I make the big introduction first?”

Curi tried to recollect herself. She stood in green grass with assorted wildlife flowers behind her. Careful not to step on them, she moved forward until she bumped into something solid. Obviously, this wasn’t the colorful windy location from before.

“Look up.”

“Huh?”

Dream Boy looked at her. His arms crossed and the coattail of his shirt swished in the gentle breeze. Where exactly was she?

He donned the smirk she had seen too many times. She braced herself to abruptly wake up.

“You know during a conversation most individuals maintain eye contact with the person and not the ground.” He walked toward her.

“Dream Boy!” The words sped out her mouth before she could catch them.

Now, he looked confused. His thick eyebrows seemed to be the most expressive part of his face. They were curved in a concerned expression.

“Um, what's your name?” she all but shouted in embarrassment.

“Well, I'm Dikembe or Kieme for short. You understand that, right?” He answered coolly. “Aren't those both names you like?”

Curi only blinked in reply.

Her eyes focused on his mouth. The gap between his two front teeth stood out. She noticed a mole directly underneath his eye. Did he have these traits the other times she saw him? Maybe.

“You're pretty inquisitive. I see you staring,” he said in a cheeky tone before his voice turned more serious. “Won't you introduce yourself?”

“I...I am Curi.”

“No last name?” He whispered. “That's good you're blessed, then.”

She did, in fact, have a last name, Andrews, but hadn't felt the need to say it. Was she not supposed to have a last name? She hoped there wasn't an ominous reason behind it. She didn't want her dream to turn into a nightmare.

The newly named Kieme held out his hand toward her. “Don't think too hard about it. Come on, let's go.”

Before she could register why, she reached for his hand. She didn’t have a bad feeling about him; she felt like she could trust him.

BEEP!

“UGH!” Curi sat up, panting. The noise of the doorbell woke her up. She would not find out where Kieme wanted to take her now. Hopefully, if she had some time, she could continue the dream. How long had she had been asleep anyway? The sun was still out.

Beep beep Beeeeep!

The grating noise interrupted her thoughts.

She heard the ringing of the doorbell transform into a beat. Two short rings would follow by one long ring and then repeated in a loop. She had a guess who the musical culprit was.

Opening the front door with a fierce swing, she stared at him. His green hoodie was bright enough that it looked new and the backpack slung over his shoulder matched it well. Those dimples of his appeared at her incredulous look.

“Sup, Curi!”

“Cooleo!” she hissed. “What do you want?”

Cooleo scratched his hair while he sauntered through the door.

“It's about lunchtime, so I thought I would join you.”

She touched her forehead. “Cooleo, I didn't invite you to lunch!”

“No problem, I decided to come anyway.” He set his backpack near the door and took off his sneakers as to not scuff the wooden floors. For some reason, he decided to sit directly across from her when they moved back to the table.

Curi sighed exasperatedly, moving her school books further down the table. She was going to have to throw him out before her mother insisted he stay for lunch. Well, her mother was still busy in the back room, so she had time before that maternal hospitality sucked the boy in like a vacuum.

“Boy, if you don't go back to school—” She half-threatened.

“No way, Curi they had dehydrated collard greens and bloody chicken before us today.” Cooleo laughed. “I can't allow them to desecrate my holy temple like that.”

Curi sent him a glare from across the table. He, not bothered, only played with the tablecloth skirt.

She sighed. “So, I guess this means you’re staying, then.”

Cooleo reached his hand into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled something out. The pink packaging caught her eye. A cartoonish drawing of two strawberries covered the front.

“By the way, I won some strawberry gummy snacks in English class today for giving the best presentation. I know you like them, so I kept them for you.”

He shoved the pink plastic bag toward the middle of the table.

She liked the combination his genuine smile and dimples created when together. It made her feel happy by mere association. She grabbed the bag and placed it near her side.

“Aww thanks, Cooleo!” She smiled back at him. He wasn't the worst guy ever that was for sure.

“Great! Just so you know I invited Toki over too.”

“What!” Her bliss over the gummy snacks blown as she fully glared at him. “I bet you guys are here for another free meal. Gosh, can you guys stay at your own houses for once?” She threw her hands up.

He wagged his finger at her as if he were a parent. “Curi, you know he hates to be left out. If he can't hang out with someone once a day, the guy will probably explode. He's just too friendly.”

Not that she minded her distant neighbor Toki coming over or really even Cooleo. She just hated people showing up at her house unannounced and eating up her food.

“He should be here in a few minutes.” He scratched his face absentmindedly. “I got here faster since I rode my bike.”

“Cooleo, you got some nerve inviting someone else over when you weren't—”

The doorbell rang once effectively cutting her off. Did it really matter? Her words were just going to fall on deaf ears.

“I'll get the door!” Cooleo volunteered. Curi rolled her eyes.

Toki waved, cheerful as ever in his favorite red and white shirt and black gym pants. His front bangs jumped a bit with each movement.

“Hey Curi! What's up, Cornelius?” He plopped into the seat next to his male friend.

Cooleo's eyes narrowed.

Toki only laughed. “What’s the problem? That's your real name.”

“It's only my first name. Cooleo is just as real as Cornelius.” He spat back.

“Middle names don't count,” Toki countered.

Curi hoped the two wouldn't get into a silly fight. The last one they had ended with Cooleo in his feelings all night and Toki exploding at him. They could have easily come to blows if they hadn't made up.

“Do you guys ever go to school?” Curi accused. She didn't mind changing the subject to drill them.

“Sometimes.” Toki smiled.

“Yeah, I went recently,” Cooleo said with an equally annoying smile.

Curi pouted. “This isn't the least bit concerning for you guys?”

“Nah,” the boys said in unison.

“You know just for that y'all get TV dinners.”

“Noooooo, she's killing us from the inside!” Toki laughed darkly.

Cooleo smiled a little though not fully grinning. His eyes seemed to have a hyper-focus on her. For a moment, Curi looked at her blue shirt, wishing all the wrinkles from her nap had been ironed out.

“Where's your mom?” He asked in an effort to stop from smiling wider.

She touched her arm, feeling a weird pang of shyness. “She was in the back doing laundry when I took a nap. If it's not concerning math, she's usually writing edits on her movie or doing chores around the house.”

"Cool. Kill all nutrients whatsoever in my plate first!" Toki exclaimed.

"Sure thing, Toki," she sighed. Cooleo and Toki broke out into loud-boyish laughter.

-----

After lunch, the boys left and Curi worked on her science homework. It surprised her when the boys suddenly started washing dishes especially since they had eaten pre-boxed TV dinners. She guessed it was their way of saying sorry though she didn't doubt Cooleo would drop by unannounced again.

She hadn't seen either of the boys in weeks. As much as she liked them, she didn't see them very often. Maybe that was why Cooleo had to make time for them to spend together. Either way, her mind shifted to equations that looked more confusing than they really were.

She streaked a pencil line down her notebook paper. The pencil lead zigzagged wherever she placed it, and she found herself doodling instead of studying.

Her doodle began to take form with a head then neck and lower body. She penciled in high top hair with undercut sides, black and teal jacket and light harem pants, and a gap and mole under the eyes. Lastly, she added a cheeky smile.

She pulled back and marveled at her creation.

Dream Boy stared back at her from the lined paper. She, from memory, had recreated him perfectly. Now, if only she could finish her schoolwork.


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12 Reviews


Points: 775
Reviews: 12

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Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:07 pm
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HalfbloodFangirl wrote a review...



Hey Dest! You did a fabulous job on this! I read the first part and completely fell in love with your style of writing! It's so professional but it's not boring. That is really rare and almost unattainable! For review purposes, I have some comments and criticism.

Wording

"When the metaphorical cylinder blocks lifted from her eyelids." This took a while to get. What I think you meant was cinder. That would make more sense. Just be sure to read through a paragraph after you write it and maybe have someone else read it.

Punctuation

"As her eyes had adjusted, so did her ears to the familiar sounds of the house." This is a very simple mistake. I suggest that you put a comma in sentences like these. In this case, you would put it between "ears" and "to". I would also change "so did her ears" to "as well as her ears", to make it sound less choppy. So go from "As her eyes had adjusted, so did her ears to the familiar sounds of the house." to "As her eyes had adjusted, as did her hears, to the familiar sounds of the house."

Other Errors

"Curi shrugged, pulling her hands away from her face." This was very confusing to read because you never said when Curi put her hands on her face. That's a simple fix, though.

“That's good you're blessed then.” Very very simple fix. Separate these kinds of sentences. It makes a lot more sense. In this case, you will want to add a comma at the end of "blessed".

Everything else is similar enough to these other things. You're doing great! Keep it up, you'll go places. Keep writing!




Dest says...


Thanks so much HalfbloodFangirl for taking the time to review this! I'm really appreciative that you pointed out some of my mistakes. It's true that it helps to have another pair of eyes read for you. My eyes always showed me cinder. D:
I'm going to make those changes!



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Sun Mar 25, 2018 8:46 pm
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StupidSoup wrote a review...



This story would be best characterized as a strong narrative handicapped by multiple grammatical mistakes (syntax etc) and 2d characters.

I love your "slice of life" way of writing and you do a really good job of making Curi's days feel relatable. However, the problem with this chapter is that there is not much to grab hold of. You explore some themes such as Curi's disdain for her family and her attitude towards work but never really delve into why Curi feels these things.

Keep in mind your first couple chapters are meant to outline each character and the dilemmas they may face. It is hard to tell as a reader where your story is heading and what problems the main character will face.

Keep writing!




Dest says...


Thanks for the review, StupidSoup (interesting name). ^^
I think you're right that this is a little too filler. When I edit this chapter, I'm going to try to show better story direction and add more character depth.



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Sun Mar 25, 2018 4:22 pm
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mellifera wrote a review...



Hiya Dest! Happy Review Day!

I haven't read the first part of the this chapter. Apologies if this reflects in my review!

The voice wasn’t too deep… Probably male.


I'm not sure how these two things relate to each other.


drool dribbled from the side of her mouth. She must have been knocked out in a heavy sleep. A trace of saliva dribbled from the corner of her mouth.


Drool should be capitalised. And since you also repeat that she was drooling in the last sentence, I'd remove one of them. Otherwise, I like the description here :)


-Usually when you wake up, you can everything just fine (I don't know how this is for everyone else, but sound it the first thing I notice when I wake up usually). I see no reason for Curi's hearing to have to adjust like this, unless her earbuds caused this. In this case, I would have her remove the earbuds first, and then describe her noticing the noises.

"Didn't she blackmail Wolfeman to ruin mom and dad's final party?" Taveo reminded her. He didn't care too much for Ophelia.


I don't think you need to tell us this, as the reader should be able to pick it up from his words. Maybe add in the way he says it to emphasise? Like, he reminds he dryly, or monotonously?


"Curi, chillllll," he drugged the word out.


*dragged, and if you're going to say he dragged it out, I don't think you need the extra 'l's.


"Nah. She wrote a letter-handwritten if I may add—saying she couldn't make it today."


Why does she need to 'add if in if she may'? How does the way she wrote the letter change anything about this?


She had been dreamless Sunday night and woke up to a mundane Monday.


While I like this description (dreamless Sunday, mundane Monday), how does she know it will be mundane if she just woke up?


Her mother stood a few feet away from her and finally put the flashcards down.


Didn't Curi just wake up? What flashcards is her mother holding? There is no lead-in to this scene, and I'm left wondering what I missed in between.


Maybe if she stared at the striped tablecloth long enough she could forget the word problems.


Aren't they working on math? I know there are scenario questions in math and such, but I think 'math problems' would make more sense in this situation.


The dear sounded strained, hinting at the bubbling disapproval.


You can tell up the dear sounded strained, but you don't need to tell us that it's hinting at bubbling disapproval. For one, you already said that a few lines before, and two, it's another example of telling over showing. The reader should have clued in that her mother is disappointed/disapproving already.


“You probably feel I only pay attention to you when it comes to math, which is absolutely true. Aucuria, you excel in everything else that I have no reason to remotely check up on you.”


Ahh, isn't that bad parenting? If you mean for schooling, you might want to clarify that her mum isn't as worried about her other subjects, because it sounds like in this sentence, she only pays attention to Curi about math and nothing else.


Obviously, this wasn’t the windy terrain from before.


I'm a little confused by this sentence. Windy terrain itself doesn't make a whole lot of sense, since terrain is a description of land (rocky terrain, rough terrain, etc), and the ground can't really be windy. And then there's not previous context? There wasn't a point in this section where there was any wind before.


“BEEP!”


Unless the doorbell is sentient and talking (which would be both cool and terrifying), you don't need to quotation marks around the beep.


“No problem, I decided to come anyway.” He set his backpack near the door and took off his sneakers as to not scuff the wooden floors. For some reason, he decided to sit directly across from her.


This made me chuckle, just inviting himself in like that :p but I am a little lost at the last sentence. Curi never sat down in between opening the door and him 'sitting across from her', so how has he managed this?


She liked the combination his genuine smile and dimples created when together. It made her feel happy by mere association.


This transition is a little clunky. Curi is annoyed by his presence until he gives her these, and suddenly she's placated? I would have a little more of a transition for her emotions to change rather than her being suddenly bought out by strawberry gummy snacks, and then immediately flipping back to anger/annoyance when Cooleo tells her Toki is coming over.


-Curi is homeschooled, right? Cause that's awesome! You don't see enough homeschooled characters in stories, and I love that you included that into her character! <3

-So she's having dreams about Kieme? He's not actually someone she knows, he's just appearing to her in her dreams and they do stuff together there? That's an interesting idea! I like that concept! I'll try to get around to reading the first part to clarify this, but I'd be curious to see how you expand on it!


That's all I've got for you today! I hope there was something helpful to you in there :) Again, I apologise if I'm missing out because I haven't read the first part.

Keep up the good work! I hope you have a great day :D




Dest says...


Scribbleinks, thanks for the review! I feel a little embarrassed now that I overlooked some of those obvious errors like Curi magically being back at the table. I'm going to make those changes you mentioned.

Yeah, Curi is homeschooled. ^^ Since I was a homeschooled kid, I really wanted a character like that



mellifera says...


It happens to the best of us, and it's an easy fix! :)

Same here! I guess I can relate to her in that sense, and it's awesome to see it around more!




The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl