The double life

Hey there Desiree, and welcome to YWS! I thought I'd go ahead and review this chapter you posted.

I thought this was a very interesting start, and I like the world you're beginning to show us here. I'm interested to find out more about the clans and their structure.

I was kind of confused in the prologue when you said the girl "lashed her tail," but the previous paragraphs it seemed like she was human. I think she's like Jay was, in human form with leopard ears and a tail, but you never actually say that in the text, so it's a little bit confusing.

I thought it was weird that Gale immediately kissed her after she accidentally 'revealed' that she loved him. I mean, I don't think he loves her back, so why would he do that? It seems odd. Though I like their interactions throughout the rest of the chapter.

I also thought it ended a bit strangely, cutting off in the middle of a sentence. I assume something has happened, but we don't get to see what it is, so it kind of feels like a bit of a cheap trick. A good piece of advice I heard once is to not do the thing where it's "They opened the door and ---" and leave it at that. Instead, do "They opened the door to see (x story-changing thing)" Yes, you revealed what was behind the "door," but ideally your twists are good enough that, when they're revealed, the audience immediately is hooked by the possibility of how the thing you revealed changes the story, and that's what keeps them reading.

Finally, a small detail - standard grammar convention says that you should always make a new paragraph when there's a new line of dialogue - so whenever the speakers change. It's just a small thing you don't do in a few places, but it makes it easier to read, so I'd recommend changing it.

That's all I've got! Good luck with this novel, and keep writing!

Hi! I absolutely loved this, it was quite entertaining. As far as I can see, there are just a couple small things I kinda want to adjust.

Until one day a small scrawny figure hurried through the trees unsteadily, when the figure came across a great river her legs gave out and she lay there on her side for a moment or two.