Left with no sound just a simple noise from the door, concealed by my wishes aloud them to do so much more. Tears of "save me" and so mad you're comfortable to left us there, when you are able to hear my pain you love to sit and the stare. I'm crying I'm screaming as my love just disappears, as I lay in their evil harm love wasn't as clear. A ring and a bark released me, as I crawled trying to find something to cloth me, as my most precious gift to him was disguised and out to see. I knew this would forever change the way he felt and loved me. As they came to question, I silently screamed for my love to come back. Feeling so lonely and lifeless but I'm sure they wanted that. Is this because of a misunderstanding or jealously, can the situation really be solved by hurting me. No clue to be found no answer to be said, just sleepless night with the replay's left in my head. Bless to have been heard and love by someone so kind at heart, and is here and willing to help me restart.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
There were so many grammatical errors in this, I can't even list them all. Go over all your tenses. Kudos on rhyming, though.
It was hard to read, but it's a choice that you made, and it works with the theme. Maybe, for those that don't appreciate creative formatting, you could capitalize beginnings of thoughts or couplets? It would make it much more enjoyable to read.
Whoa, I agree profusely until I go blue in the face that you arrange this poem. Not only does it make your work look unprofessional and jumbled, but it kind of inteferes with the flow of things and makes it seem less of a poem.
I have to say, I didn't like this much, probably because of what I've just outlined. It dragged out and seemed more like a speech than a poem; you need it to flow and sing.
Also, remember the four-reviews-per-post rule.
GingerLove
Ok, the first thing I'd suggest is to arrange this like a poem so it's not just a block of text, as it will make it easier for your readers. It's kind of hard to critique when I'm not sure how you want it to be laid out. As it is, it sounds too close to narrative, but the layout may have influenced my reading of it. If you'd like to rearrange it and then pm me I'd be happy to take a closer look.I know this isn't very helpful, so I apologise! Anyway, good luck.