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Only In Fairy Tales

by DerickJerome


Only In Fairy Tales

Only in fairy tales.
Exist this so called "Happy Ending"
Where are the details?
Is there a book pending.

Growing up not able to tell the truth from the lies
The so called adults are just kids in disguise
Some words are straight then there's the ones that would bend
What happened to the adults that would help turn these boys to men

Where the adults that are willing to stand up and face responsibilities
The ones who are humble in all his ways and learns thru there humility
I aint talking bout the ones of course and staying misdirected
The ones who try but struggle and look to god for protection

Some one please speak to us and tell us the truth
Cause obviously its not seen how these adults have impacted the youth
Parents tend to get lost and give up cause they don't know what to do
But when you wonder why these kids not nothing its cause they reflections of you

Is it not know that these adults are how our generation is sampled
Kids, confused lost and hurt because you are not an example
So when these men get they heads together and gone and step up
Cause if these women can do it then its time for you to man up

If you with these different women and ready for you seed
Then you need to take a second and just pull up the sleeve
No longer is it just about you and how you the center of attention
But your setting an example and your the beginning of repetition

But in a perfect world these men raise the youth to what a family needs
A good head youthful child that's not just another lost seed
In that perfect world you aint gotta think of pain, bond, post or bail
But the only down fall to that world is its only a fairy tale

By:Derick Todd

Author Notes

This is directed not only to the men and fathers, but the adults who claim to be setting an example for our youth.

© Derick Todd. All rights reserved


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363 Reviews


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Wed Oct 02, 2013 6:36 am
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hi DerickJerome,Dark here with review.
I totally like the ideas and the title too.But a bit disappointed with the diction and rhythm.

Only in fairy tales.
Exist this so called "Happy Ending"
Where are the details?
Is there a book pending.

The first stanza is very breathtaking but sure this can be improve in term of language.

Why not you use a literature style to make it more interesting to read.Such as simile,metaphor etc? That was so sad,when actually you have a good idea but you can't transform it to become something impressing to the reader.The result is,your poem become just something mediocre and ineffective to bring effect in the heart of the readers.Keep it up!I see the potential.There is so much you can do with this great idea! :)
kudos,cheers
dark




DerickJerome says...


Thanks for the critique. I really appreciate it. I will go back through the poem and make corrections and repost it



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22 Reviews


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Wed Oct 02, 2013 3:42 am
DragonNextec wrote a review...



Dragon here, One of the last remaining Dragon in the world,
Okay here is my review and if you don't like it i am sorry

okay first off hello and welcome to Yws And hope you enjoy it and for all of us please Have fun
that is what we are here to do so any questions please contact me at anytime feel free to look at my work they aint that good but hey thats what we are here for

oh yeah the review well its good keep it up on the other hand your already better then me and keep a smile always have fun :D welcome!

Thank's
Dragon!




DerickJerome says...


Thanks for the reply and critique. I will look at your work. And I don't compare my skill to others because for one our style may defer and im not that great a writer yet.



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Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:20 pm
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Messenger wrote a review...



Knight Malachi here to review for the Knights of the Green Room.
So first off welcome to YWS!!!! Hope you really like this place like I do.
So first off I noticed you have almost no punctuation, and the fact that you have several words that are not full but have no apostrophes makes it so much more obvious. Also, please capitalize God.

Now, you also have a lot of sentences that don't sound right. And having words like 'cause, and ain't, actually somewhat throw me off.
Now you message was on that is important. Men and others do need to be a role model to the younger generation, but it seems in this poem like you don't think that really are any of those people, and that there can't be good endings. Maybe I am taking a little overboard, I don't know. But your writing was pretty good, and none of the lines threw me off rhythm-wise.




DerickJerome says...


Thank You. Like Ive told others, I will make corrections and repost



TheMessenger says...


Alright.



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Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:17 pm
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Gardevite says...



Small note:

Yws does not take away publishing rights. Everything you post here remains your own individual work, and in no way becomes the property of YWS. If someone plagiarizes your work that has been posted on YWS, you are in your legal rights to take any and all related actions.

I felt you may have been, for lack of a better word, paranoid about posting your work here, because of the copyright symbol. Let me assure you, your work remains your own.

Young writer's society copyright policy.




DerickJerome says...


Ok. Actually I also post on websited like All poetry . And when I reposted that just came with the uploaded documemt



Gardevite says...


(totally don't remember writing this



Gardevite says...


(accidentally hit submit) right, well I'm hapoy you're in the know!




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