Only In Fairy Tales
Only in fairy tales.
Exist this so called "Happy Ending"
Where are the details?
Is there a book pending.
Growing up not able to tell the truth from the lies
The so called adults are just kids in disguise
Some words are straight then there's the ones that would bend
What happened to the adults that would help turn these boys to men
Where the adults that are willing to stand up and face responsibilities
The ones who are humble in all his ways and learns thru there humility
I aint talking bout the ones of course and staying misdirected
The ones who try but struggle and look to god for protection
Some one please speak to us and tell us the truth
Cause obviously its not seen how these adults have impacted the youth
Parents tend to get lost and give up cause they don't know what to do
But when you wonder why these kids not nothing its cause they reflections of you
Is it not know that these adults are how our generation is sampled
Kids, confused lost and hurt because you are not an example
So when these men get they heads together and gone and step up
Cause if these women can do it then its time for you to man up
If you with these different women and ready for you seed
Then you need to take a second and just pull up the sleeve
No longer is it just about you and how you the center of attention
But your setting an example and your the beginning of repetition
But in a perfect world these men raise the youth to what a family needs
A good head youthful child that's not just another lost seed
In that perfect world you aint gotta think of pain, bond, post or bail
But the only down fall to that world is its only a fairy tale
By:Derick Todd
Author Notes
This is directed not only to the men and fathers, but the adults who claim to be setting an example for our youth.
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi DerickJerome,Dark here with review.
I totally like the ideas and the title too.But a bit disappointed with the diction and rhythm.
The first stanza is very breathtaking but sure this can be improve in term of language.
Why not you use a literature style to make it more interesting to read.Such as simile,metaphor etc? That was so sad,when actually you have a good idea but you can't transform it to become something impressing to the reader.The result is,your poem become just something mediocre and ineffective to bring effect in the heart of the readers.Keep it up!I see the potential.There is so much you can do with this great idea!
kudos,cheers
dark
Thanks for the critique. I really appreciate it. I will go back through the poem and make corrections and repost it
Dragon here, One of the last remaining Dragon in the world,
welcome!
Okay here is my review and if you don't like it i am sorry
okay first off hello and welcome to Yws And hope you enjoy it and for all of us please Have fun
that is what we are here to do so any questions please contact me at anytime feel free to look at my work they aint that good but hey thats what we are here for
oh yeah the review well its good keep it up on the other hand your already better then me and keep a smile always have fun
Thank's
Dragon!
Thanks for the reply and critique. I will look at your work. And I don't compare my skill to others because for one our style may defer and im not that great a writer yet.
Knight Malachi here to review for the Knights of the Green Room.
So first off welcome to YWS!!!! Hope you really like this place like I do.
So first off I noticed you have almost no punctuation, and the fact that you have several words that are not full but have no apostrophes makes it so much more obvious. Also, please capitalize God.
Now, you also have a lot of sentences that don't sound right. And having words like 'cause, and ain't, actually somewhat throw me off.
Now you message was on that is important. Men and others do need to be a role model to the younger generation, but it seems in this poem like you don't think that really are any of those people, and that there can't be good endings. Maybe I am taking a little overboard, I don't know. But your writing was pretty good, and none of the lines threw me off rhythm-wise.
Thank You. Like Ive told others, I will make corrections and repost
Alright.
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Ok. Actually I also post on websited like All poetry . And when I reposted that just came with the uploaded documemt
(totally don't remember writing this
(accidentally hit submit) right, well I'm hapoy you're in the know!